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THE GALAXY OF ANDROMEDA – The nearby galaxy of Andromeda has been watching with bated breath as novel coronavirus rapidly spreads around planet Earth. No longer feeling safe at a distance of 2.5 million light-years, Andromeda has stepped back to a much safer distance of 6.0 million light-years.

“The World Health Organization worries about the United States becoming the epicenter of COVID-19 on planet Earth, which is of course a legitimate concern, but the Intergalactic Health Council (IHC) is worried about the Milky Way becoming the epicenter of COVID-19 for the universe,” noted Andromedan chancellor 24qixxxx8, who added that planets and solar systems within the galaxy have been ramping up their supplies of N95 respirators and surgical masks in preparation for the worst. “We must learn from the mistakes of the Milky Way.”

The IHC has already closed intergalactic borders and outlawed non-essential planetary invasions.

Galaxies unknown to us have heeded Andromeda’s advice and have even simulated a tighter coordinated series of planetary and galactic lockdowns should COVID-19 threaten their worlds. Representatives from millions of galaxies across time and space express optimism that their sectors of the universe will be safe from COVID-19.

They even report of a toilet paper surplus.

Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.