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BETHLEHEM – Add another miracle to His already impressive resume: Jesus has offered humanity hope in its fight against COVID-19 by turning water into hand sanitizer.

The Son of God could no longer sit idly by, especially once He saw Kroger’s shelves still sat devoid of Purell.

“This is up there, alongside walking on water and raising the dead,” explained a proud papa, God, Creator of the Universe. “What a miracle! That’s my son!”

In other news, the masses are trying to not get greedy but are hopeful He can take these five rolls of toilet paper and supply the multitudes for months to come.

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Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.