ATLANTA, GA – After receiving harsh criticism for its recommendation to resort to scarves and bandanas when facemasks are no longer available, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) no longer recommends listening to CDC recommendations.

“I went on our website and started reading our advice and I thought, wow, these guidelines really are abominable, they’re not helpful at addressing how we increase our supply of PPE, all it does is increase everyone’s anxiety level,” admitted Director of the CDC Robert R. Redfield, who is thankful the federal government has directly provided Americans with 1,000 pills of Xanax for this pandemic. “All things considered, I can understand why healthcare professionals are upset. If I were you guys, I wouldn’t listen to us anymore.”

Gomerblog applauds the CDC for making their first sensible recommendation to date.

Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.