Dads are notoriously difficult to shop for and physicians are no exception. To help the kids of physicians who just realized that Sunday is Father’s Day, here is a guide to help you figure out what to get your dad based on his subspecialty:
Orthopaedics: A bigger hammer. The answer is always a bigger hammer powered by a bigger bicep.
Emergency Medicine: A consultant actually happy to come in and see a patient on the weekend regardless of whether or not a workup has been initiated.
Internal Medicine: Orthopaedics to admit one damn patient over 65 years of age to their own damn service. Just one.
Pediatrics: The ER to complete one entire consult without using the phrases “kiddo,” “little guy/gal,” “munchkin,” or “small adult.”
Dermatology: Golf balls or a noon tee time. Any day of the week is fine, he’ll be there.
Plastic Surgery: A newer, slightly younger, definitely hotter mom. Or at least new parts for the old mom.
Neurosurgery: Mandatory helmet laws being followed by motorcyclists.
Transplant surgeon: Mandatory helmet laws not being followed by motorcyclists.
General Surgery: For the ER to drain one perirectal abscess on their own, or for an entire case of false negative guaiac cards to be delivered to the ER.
Cardiology: A full day without a single PVC on any inpatient ward.
GI: Fiber added to the city water.
Psychiatry: Zoloft added to the city water.
Pulmonology: Chantix added to the city water.
Nephrology: Normal urine output for every patient in the hospital for a day.
Radiology: Fully-detailed clinical history on every study ordered.
Infectious diseases: For basically every specialty with a P (except Path) to stop giving out antibiotics for viruses.
Pathology: An entire hospital of surgeons and nurses who know the difference and rationale for fresh versus frozen or a replacement for formalin that doesn’t smell like comet mixed with cat urine.
Urology: For every nurse in the hospital to always remember to deflate the balloon before inserting or removing a Foley and to never inflate the balloon in the urethra. Or Flomax added to the city water.
OB/GYN: To be respected by other surgeons as surgeons, or at least to have a surgeon explain what fascia is and why it needs to be closed.
Anesthesia: An appreciative surgeon for a patient staying perfectly still for 4 hours despite a promise of 30 minutes of operative time.
Ophthalmology: What do you get a guy who makes $400k in 4 days a week? Maybe a new tie?
PA/NP: Respect as equals from physicians for even one day.
Female physicians: To go one damn week and not once be assumed to be a nurse/PA/medical student. It’s not their day, but it would be nice.
Administrators: A soul.
**More great last minute gift ideas for Physician and Nurse dads here in part 1**
