Doctor Has Pseudoseizure to Avoid Patient with Pseudoseizures

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TAMPA BAY, FL – Zelda Wilkins credits her “high pain tolerance” as the only way she can handle her affliction with pseudoseizures.  Despite frequenting four different hospital systems within the city, 93% of ER physicians polled recognize Zelda at a glance.

pseudoseizure treatment?
Pseudoseizure treatment?

“Hello Zelda, how can I help you today?” asked Dr. Nicholas Weise, who lost rock-scissors-paper at the nurses station.

“Oh, Nick, so good to see you again, I just can’t seem to get these seizures under control,” she said, briefly looking up from her iPhone 5.  “The only thing that seems to cure these seizures is morphine and Ativan.”

“I see,” said Dr. Weise, while actually trying to swallow his own tongue, literally.

“Oh, I think another one might be coming,” she said, almost threateningly.

“You know Zelda, during seizures it is not uncommon for patients to actually lose control of their bodily functions, sometimes even peeing on themselves,” he said.

“Really?” Zelda asked.

“Really,” he said, leaving the room.

Dr. Weise then returned to the nursing station, after reviewing the negative laboratory evaluations that had been done 2, 3, 6, 8, and 11 days previously.  Dr. Weise informed the patient the he decided against treating her with Ativan and morphine.  He then attempted to go to another room only to have his spine lock in terror.

“Doctor Weeeeeeeeise, I’m having a seizurrre for real right nowwww, come seeee!” she said triumphantly.

Dr. Weise took one glance at the urine soaked pants of Ms. Wilkins, once again confirming his suspicions about her.  The patient grinned while rhythmically shaking her arms and rolling her eyes back in her head.

“I told you!  Can I get some Ativan now?” she asked while watching the single tear fall from Dr. Weise’s weary face.

Dr. Weise then collapsed to the ground and pretended to thrash around until he was removed away from the patient by others.

After finding out she would not be receiving morphine and Ativan, Zelda eloped from the emergency department.  Dr. Weise could not be further interviewed due to the fact that whenever we mentioned her name, he would have another pseudoseizure.

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  • Avatar
    Sarah

    Pseudo doesn’t mean fake in this context, it means it mimicks a seizure but is non-epileptic. Pseudoseizures are also called psychogenic non-epileptic seizures. They ARE real seizures, just not neurologically based. The woman in the story is obviously malingering for attention and medication, which means she isn’t suffering from real Pseudoseizures and isn’t suffering from a conversion disorder. ERs are not equipped to be handling complex psychological distress, anyway. That being said, it’s just a story and not offensive to people suffering from these seizures because she obviously is faking them. Your comment insinuating that the condition that plagues my life is fake was insulting, however. I have these seizures alone in conjunction with panic attacks. Why would I have these seizures by myself if they were fake? I have no one to get attention from. My EEGs are also abnormal while having panic attacks, so it does have a physical basis. The moral of my novel is that malingering and non-epileptic seizures are two completely different things.

  • Avatar
    Margo Johnson

    Educate yourself on being an idiot

  • Avatar
    Margo Johnson

    OMG every ER has a couple of these

  • Avatar
    Rachel Stulberger

    no i means not real like my body finds them real it is a diagnoses and is caused by heavy level of stress it is a real thing, look it up. Educate yourself.

  • Avatar
    Guest

    You do realize pseudo means fake right? So basically you just told us you have real fake seizures… And that Ativan helps them…. And you realize this is a pseudo artical too…

  • Avatar
    Rachel Stulberger

    I actually have real Pseudo seizures and ativan does help but I don’t fake them. This entire article is insulting to be honest. This woman is an asshole, it’s sad because people who really have the condition now will be judged because of this. :( I really do have these it’s caused by extreme stress. And I only take ativan when they won’t stop. Usually they end on their own and no medication is needed.

  • Avatar
    Rachel Stulberger

    I actually have real Pseudo seizures and ativan does help but I don’t fake them. This entire erticle is insulting to be honest. This woman is an asshole, it’s sad because people who really have the condition now will be judged because of this. :( I really do have these it’s caused by extreme stress. And I only take ativan when they won’t stop. USually they end on their own and no medication is needed.

  • Avatar
    maureen_saunders

    Ammonia ampoule taped inside a NRB mask at 15L O2. Too much?

  • Avatar
    Kelly Goshon

    TOO funny! Since I started working at a jail 4 months ago, I have attended well over 20 ‘seizures.’ Only one was real.

  • Avatar
    Alicia Cabral

    I wish the general public believed that this is the way it really is…. They think this is a joke!

  • Avatar
    Carrie Sanders

    Sherry M Miller

  • Avatar
    Gomerblog

    This had us laughing pretty hard!

  • Avatar
    Eve Hall

    Unfortunately, I think we all know zelda.

  • Avatar
    Tansley Ducote

    Love it. We need to be able to do this without getting into trouble.

  • Avatar
    Lindsey Ellis

    Peanut Butter Balls, STAT, James Collins!!!

  • Avatar
    Tara Underkofler Howard

    Bwahahaha! I should try that! Irritating patient with ‘non-organic hearing loss’ trying to fake their way to a govt check…’sorry! I’ve had a temporary threshold shift!’

  • Avatar
    Jenny Penny

    Didn’t even read it yet…but already love it!

  • Avatar
    James Collins

    Doctors’ pseudoseizures presents localized to legs as they moon walk out of the room.

  • Avatar
    Matt Hopkins

    So is being told you need to be catheterized to prevent any accidents.

  • Avatar
    Tony James

    Ha! inhaled ammonia is an excellent remedy for pseudoseizures.

  • Avatar
    Paul Slocombe

    Gold..

  • Avatar
    Laurie Parkinson

    I think I know Zelda, too! LOL

  • Avatar
    Daniel González Padilla

    ““Hello Zelda, how can I help you today?” asked Dr. Nicholas Weise, who lost rock-scissors-paper at the nurse’s station”

    hahahahaha oh god i love this

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