Medical Team Confused as Patient Made DNR Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays

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NEW ORLEANS, LA – Members of a multidisciplinary inpatient team at Tulane University left a family meeting this morning scratching their heads, as they honored their patient and family’s unusual wish to make the patient DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays (TTS).

DNR status, depends on the day really

“I don’t… What the…” started a stymied palliative care nurse practitioner Amy Martin.  “I have no idea… I mean, really?”

The patient, who asked for privacy and asked that her case not be discussed further during rounds, is Mary Anderson in room 2122 at Tulane University, a 78-year-old female battling end stage heart failure.  She has failed medical management and despite home milrinone remains heavily symptomatic.

And perhaps confused.

The meeting involved Ms. Martin, hospitalist David James, cardiologist Laura Matthews, nursing staff, the patient, her husband and children.  The meeting ran for two hours this morning, ending at approximately 11:15 AM before the really odd decision was made.

“They were completely befuddled,” observed charge nurse Elaine Richards.  “They just slowly exited the room.  They looked at each other, shook their heads, hands on their hips.  They were speechless.  When I heard the outcome… Let’s just say, now I’ve seen it all.”

“What can you do?” said Dr. Matthews, shrugging her shoulders.  “We discussed and she made an informed decision.  Apparently.  Unfortunately, she does have decision-making capacity.  So there you go.”  Shortly after the comment, Dr. Matthews sighed and entered the order: DNR TTS.

The code status doesn’t end there.

“It’s not that she’s just Full Code on the other days either,” added Dr. James, staring blankly at the wall.  “Her CPR instructions reads like a grocery list.  A really strange grocery list.”

Though the details of Anderson’s code status is private and protected by HIPAA, highlights of Anderson’s highly-specific code status include:

– Full Code MWF
– No CPR on Sundays
– Chest compressions to be performed only from right side of bed
– Code Team “should be multiethnic”
– Okay with epinephrine but not vasopressin
– Okay with left-sided central venous access, but not the right
– Ventilation to be done by a right-handed respiratory therapist
– Wishes to be shocked exactly 4 times, irrespective of cardiac rhythm

The paperwork was signed and computer orders were entered at 11:35 AM, reflecting the patient’s new historically awkward code status.  By 12 PM, Anderson’s defeated inpatient medical team called it a day and went out for Happy Hour to figure out what exactly just happened.

In a last ditch effort, a psychiatry consult placed at 12:01 PM is still pending.  GomerBlog will continue to follow this story.

The hospital menu of ham sandwiches looks delicious tomorrow.  Mrs. Anderson has canceled her DNR orders until 1 hour after the ham sandwich has entered her stomach.

UPDATE 07:50 AM ET (03/08/16):
Mrs. Anderson has changed her code status and is now DNR Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays.

  • Show Comments

  • Avatar
    Grey Hjem

    I’ve personally seen “…must be hung like a horse before placing defib pads..” …no word of a lie.

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    My favorite DNR order I used to see all the time was “Med Code Only.” We could push the drugs but couldn’t do compressions to circulate the blood. So in essence, we were resuscitating the patient’s antecubital… LOL

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  • Avatar
    Decide For Life

    A Light Spin on the Issue of DNR. After all it is supposed to be a life changing decision we have here, so its always good to not emphasize how serious it is.

  • Avatar
    Cheryl Youne

    I love reading the comments. No matter how many times you express that it is a satire there are people who are clueless. It is very entertaining.

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    Been there

    dude – you realize this is satire right?

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    Marisol González

    Hahahahahaha Yes, they are. LOL

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    You’re hilarious!

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    I like those replies from people getting all upset about making fun of patient. They’re as hilarious as the articles themselfs. All Gomers and Gomerfamillies.

  • Avatar
    Marisol González

    This is a satirical website. There is not need to say all what you said. People these days don’t have sense of humor.

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    Why the fuck do you think it’s appropriate to list the name, age, exact location, medical condition, and details of her medical plan, especially when you lead with “the patient asks for privacy”. Seriously, I would punch the shot out of the person who released this information, the person who typed up this information, and all the peoe involved in approving the publishing of this information.

    I hope you die, slow horrible deaths. Preferably embarrassing deaths like dying while enjoying self-erotic asphyxiation and that every detail of your life and death are made public information and your family has to deal with the embarrassment, eternal lung damning you for ruining their lives.

    In case you still don’t get it. You’re a piece of shit.

  • Avatar
    Flavia Nicorici

    Lolzies Abby Vera

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    Matthew T. Eaton

    Sadly, this is pretty accurate as to how it really is.

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    Andie Phillips

    Lol! Craig Sheley

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    Jennifer Burrell Oxner


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    Jennifer Kirkman Heinicke

    Hahaha. Like the “asked for privacy” followed by her name and room number :-) Bet the docs got improved HCAPs for honoring this pt’s autonomy however senseless.

  • Avatar
    Renelle Walker

    Somebody wanted some control…..lol

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    Umer Nisar

    get ready for new board question lol

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    Viet Barnes Do

    I want chest compression but no life support. God knows after you regain a pulse just bag me for the next 2 days during hypothermia protocol.

  • Avatar
    Michelle Wilson

    Lol, a psych consult is still pending.

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    Sue Clarebrough

    your intelligence continues to shine through Fiona Worboys!!

  • Avatar
    Fiona Worboys

    Superb Sue Clarebrough And Maree Nankervis I plan to have the same orders when I am older. But I will request left handed clinicians

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    Elizabeth Svoboda


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    Belinda Smith

    Bahaahaa Raechal Stoops

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    Max Lashin


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    Sue Clarebrough

    Limited NFR taken to new levels Fiona Worboys Maree Nankervis!!

  • Avatar
    Stephen Bailey

    Wait til this goes mainstream as standard of care!!!

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