BALTIMORE, MD – Dr. Anita Campbell dreamt of becoming a physician for years. Three months ago, she finally graduated from medical school to fulfill her lifelong calling. Growing up watching shows like Scrubs and House M.D., Dr. Campbell was confident she was prepared for what being a physician would be like. However, now just months into her intern year, Dr. Campbell admits she feels misled.
“None of these residency programs are anything like what I’ve seen on TV,” complains an exasperated Dr. Campbell. “We work all day, from dawn until dusk: rounding, writing notes, placing orders. It’s exhausting. Then I have to go home and read just to stay afloat. I barely have time to shower on a daily basis, so forget putting on makeup in the morning or dry-cleaning a cocktail dress to go out on the town with my fellow residents.”
Frustrated with her complete lack of a social life, Dr. Campbell mistakenly took solace in the fact that she would “get to do most of the cool stuff’” in the hospital.
“If you really know your TV shows like I do you’d know that as the primary inpatient team, you get to do pretty much all of the procedures on your patients… or so I thought. My first week, one of my patient’s coded and needed to be intubated. Naturally, I assumed as the intern on the primary team with a week of experience behind me, I’d be the point-person, but no. Some anesthesia jerk comes running down the hall and throws the tube in instead.”
Shocked to find out that anesthesia is routinely called for airway access, Dr. Campbell was disappointed, but not nearly as upset as she was when neurosurgery was called for her patient’s subdural hematoma.
“This is the real kicker, right here. My patient develops a subdural, so, of course, I read an UpToDate article and discover he might need surgery. I’ve been caring for this guy for a week on the floors, so I’m ready. I ask my senior to cover my patients while I go perform the surgery, and she looks at me like I’m an idiot. It turns out, we don’t do brain surgery in this medicine residency. The neurosurgeons do. This program sucks! I wanted to be like the docs on House! Those guys do everything.”
Thoroughly disappointed with what she calls “severe undertraining of residents” at her institution, Dr. Campbell decided to do some research only to discover that no medicine programs would train her to do surgery, or vice-versa, and that no specialty was “responsible for everything.”
Back at square one, Dr. Campbell now says her new plan might be to discover a different career, one that is more realistically mirrored by television, such as forensic pathology or law enforcement.
Just be like house and eat more hydrocodone! Or, was it, Oxycodone?
i will not search for any other carrer I love medicine
Earth’s finest medical satire News site.
Sheesh, I don’t know how many articles I see shared from this site by friends who are completely oblivious to the whole satire News thing, and they share it like it’s real news. Entertaining, but startling how many people don’t know the difference between news and comedy.
Years ago the Medical Residents had a surgical rotation, the surgical Residents had a Medical one & all did anes
Hehehe
As an Internal Medicine Resident I DID know that we were there for heart attacks, pneumonia AIDS Dementia patients with sepsis GI Bleeds and some exotic Rheum stuff since the Head Dick was a Rheumatologist and self proclaimed Genius of Gout
Bahahahahaha
*forehead smack* Um, Robert Nantz, Sweetie, gomerblog is SATIRE. Bless your heart.
How in the hell did this idiot get into med school, let alone complete it??????????
How in the hell did this idiot get into med school, let alone complete it??????????
This is a gomerblog article my response is also satirical.
This is a gomerblog article my response is also satirical.
Most of our patients seem to have the same misunderstanding…
Most of our patients seem to have the same misunderstanding…
This is a Gomerblog article. It’s satire.
This is a Gomerblog article. It’s satire.
She should’ve been an ER orderly in the 60’s. We did all the cool stuff that everyone else was too smart to try.
She should’ve been an ER orderly in the 60’s. We did all the cool stuff that everyone else was too smart to try.
I can certainly understand her disappointment in finding out that tv doesn’t accurately reflect life. She should’ve focused more on reality tv. That’s real. They couldn’t call it reality TV unless it was real.
I can certainly understand her disappointment in finding out that tv doesn’t accurately reflect life. She should’ve focused more on reality tv. That’s real. They couldn’t call it reality TV unless it was real.
Dawn to dusk? Weak
Wendy Chung
I maintained until the last sentence and with that I snorted some of my pho…. My sinuses are now clear …thanks.
I maintained until the last sentence and with that I snorted some of my pho…. My sinuses are now clear …thanks.
I knew it….. You admitted it….. Where does one sign up for those sponge baths anyway. I was very disappointed, that the life a real intern was nothing like tv or the book “House of God”. It was all work and being pimped, and absolutely no hooking up with nurses, well…..almost no hooking up with nurses.
Remember Jada Pinckett Smith as a nursing administrator who would run from her desk to save lives in the ED Hawthorne!
Not like on TV? Huh! I know as a nurse I just run around looking cute, giving sponge baths (with a sponge, not a washcloth) and sit around the nurses’ station making snarky comments. And carry charts around. EXACTLY like TV.
Ya’ think!!!
Love it!
Hahaha….I love this…it’s so funny what people think goes on in residency. ..After 16 hours ur gross and smell like all sorts of hospital mishaps! Hahaha! Love my program….Thank god I’m a pgy3!!
Those darn anesthesia docs always taking all the glory ;-)
She cannot possibly be this stupid and if she is it isn’t newsworthy. I can’t imagine she will make it. At least she wouldn’t have a few years ago. She has the need for more growth than any resident I have ever seen.
Satirical! Awesome
She was really naive, or is this a joke?
Nothing is like it is in the movies. Just saying, if she thought it would be all ER and thrilling brink-of-death surgeries she had this coming. Apparently her job choices are based on how they’re depicted in the films.
Eww!
I STILL recommend that book to coworkers.
House of God also painted a much different picture.
LMBO!
Love it!!
bed and breakfast
I would watch that show. Lol what would your stage name be?
Rotflmao
Hahahaha
Hahahaha
In my first lab night job, the residents hooked up in our lab break room, to my utter dismay and lack of lunch one night.
In my first lab night job, the residents hooked up in our lab break room, to my utter dismay and lack of lunch one night.