sunset at the hospital
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PHILADELPHIA, PA – With record-setting efficiency, the internal medicine team here at St. Agnes Hospital whipped through their Monday morning rounds at a breakneck pace this week, managing to complete them with a full five minutes to spare before Tuesday morning internal medicine rounds were scheduled to begin.

sunset at the hospital“We started at 10 AM and didn’t stop for a single break,” reported a breathless and wildly unkempt intern. “I’ve never moved so fast between patients.  We saw one lady, for like, only 37 minutes.  It was crazy.”

According to charge nurse Kimberly Pratt, there was “barely any time” for her to catch up to the team as they “zipped around the ward like white-coated cheetahs.”

“I was astonished,” said Pratt. “[Attending internist] Dr. Wu was banging out physical exams like a machine.  I don’t think he did his usual 14 systems on Mrs. Wilkins, though.  This was definitely a big improvement over last week, when Wednesday and Thursday rounds overlapped by seven hours.”

Other sources confirmed that this was the fastest rounds since Christmas Morning of ’94, when the legendary Dr. Silverstein completed rounds in time for dinner.  Most concede, however, that there was a record low patient census at the time, and rumors abound that Dr. Silverstein was having an affair and needed to get out of the hospital.

At press time, consulting Ortho and General Surgery sources suggested that despite their impressive speed, the medicine team was still in its usual form, as none of the dressings were taken down.

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  • Lucy Donlon

    Haha! Classic.

  • Hilary McLeod

    Claire Prowse you will appreciate this…

  • Hilary McLeod

    Claire Prowse you will appreciate this…

  • Karisa Hajek

    Kilie Donovan

  • Kimberly Akerley-Wehner

    Too funny!! What a bunch of slackers!

  • Shane Jackson

    As a plastics registrar, I lost it at the final part about the dressings!

  • Brian Jeb

    Kai Chaivannacoopt Kevin Heslop

  • Sean Bauer

    Jenny Shim Bauer

  • James Anderson

    I remember morning Pedi ICU rounds lasting until afternoon rounds.
    Made it difficult to get work done……

  • Loraine Baraki

    Austin

  • Dana Olson

    Exactly why I didn’t go into eternal medicine

  • Taha Juhaishi

    Sadeer Al-Kindi

  • Mary Elizabeth

    Patti Boran Anya Dvirnak

  • Sarah Joy Hipple-Spence

    That’s why I normally skip rounds and keep doing my med passes and treatments. Everyone wins :). The patients get their dilaudid on time, and don’t have to stay too much longer after my shift ends to wrap everything up!

  • Jenna Strother

    Hahahahaha

  • Jen Kasten

    Laura De Marchena Greene…

  • Farah Nasraty

    Jori Kaplan

  • Rachel Roberts

    Jenna Strother

  • El Ena Mo

    haha, true!

  • Kate Wylde

    Nailed it ;)

  • Hazim El-Haddad

    “…because the ED didn’t interrupt q10min with elderly UTI admits and chest pain rule outs on patients with knee injuries.”

  • Paul Groves

    Richard

  • Matt McAlpine

    Rahul Chatterjee Lucy Donlon

  • Tippu Khan

    Where I come from, we call that quitting!

  • Amber Essenmacher

    Kimberly Akerley-Wehner Tippu Khan Erin Schmid

  • Tiff Lees

    Kate ;)

  • Dawn Costello

    We always had time for the diet coke and drifter break!

  • Insun Chong

    Cameron

  • Caroline Herron

    Dawn Costello !!! Resp ward rounds back in the day !

  • Paul Groves

    Richard

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