iv pole medical student

In Cost-Cutting Measure, IV Poles to Be Replaced with Eager Medical Students

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BIRMINGHAM, AL – Earlier this week, administrators and health care practitioners at Birmingham Medical Center implemented a new cost-cutting measure that hopes to save their health system millions of dollars.  What is the new measure?  Getting rid of intravenous (IV) poles and replacing them with eager medical students.

iv pole medical student“We are always looking for ways to cut expenditures,” explained CEO Bill Profits.  “The idea stemmed from our surgical colleagues revealing the nimble nature of medical students and their ability to hold many things, like retractors, jackets, and coffee.  There’s no shortage of eager med students; you can always find one around.  I’ll show you.  Here, medical student!  Here!”

“I really feel like I’m an important member of the medical team,” said Room 1416 IV pole and second-year medical student Austin McConnell.  He is carrying a fresh bag of normal saline and vancomycin in his left hand, while a potassium run finishes in his right hand.  He shows no signs of upper extremity fatigue.  “This is what I came to medical school to do.”

Room 3113 IV pole and third-year medical student Meghan Jones agrees.  “I’ve never spent so much time at bedside,” Jones confesses with excitement as she gestures towards the units of packed red blood cells and fresh frozen plasma (FFP) dangling from her hands and armpits.  A disposable stethoscope is draped over her left shoulder.  “It’s a dream come true.”

“These med students are shining bright,” admitted nurse Elaine Rivers.  “More importantly, they’re no longer hogging our computers.”  She points to her favorite med student, Julie Jenkins, in Room 2120.  “She’s an all star.  She doesn’t drop a thing and can stand hours on one leg.  Horrible C. diff?  Not a peep out of her.  Things I love about her?  She makes a BEEP sound when her patient’s arm isn’t straight.  She also let’s patients have it if they go out for a smoke.  Amazing.”

Though these eager medical students are happily adapting to their new clinical and bedside role, they do admit that going into bathrooms with patients is still a little bit awkward.

“I see a lot of private parts and hear a lot of weird noises,” commented Jones over the flush of her patient’s toilet.  “The toughest part is when all the IVs get tangled and you have to do this weird tango with the patient to get free.  But you know what?  If that’s what it takes to succeed, then I’m gonna be the best damn tango-ing IV untangler you’ve ever seen!”

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  • Avatar
    Danielle Pollock

    Natasha Houghton

  • Avatar
    Ameer Musa

    i will do this as I seek internal medicine residency

  • Avatar
    Jänét Dävis

    Better still, they should jump in and help the woefully understaffed nurses… :-/

  • Avatar
    Bobbie Deitch Melhus-Greg Melhus

    Only you Lisa would be so thoughtful.

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    Donald-Carol Parker

    I am sure they will still charge the patients for the poles. Students, call your union rep. Don’t have one? Bummer.

  • Avatar
    Catherine Dremel

    That’s ridiculous!

  • Avatar
    Kamran Manek

    Ameer this seems like ms4 work

  • Avatar
    Serena Champ Aneres

    Hilarious! But man, so much med student hate in the comments! You guys were there once, don’t forget.

  • Avatar
    Arnulfo Gonzales

    I escaped that duty! Brains and ingenuity folks

  • Avatar
    Cathy Quail McBride

    In the OR they can retract all they want, so I can have both hands back to pass suture to a surgeon and a fellow and count at the same time!

  • Avatar
    Dean Speerbrecher

    Less likely to hurt someone that way.

  • Avatar
    Merryn Partridge

    I don’t know if it beats retracting. .. Same level of arm strain but in the OR the patients (& relatives!) can’t talk to you.

  • Avatar
    Merryn Partridge

    I don’t know if it beats retracting. .. Same level of arm strain but in the OR the patients (& relatives!) can’t talk to you.

  • Avatar
    Ann Cahalan Ward

    Alicia Ward

  • Avatar
    Ryan William McDonald

    Gotta put that Pre-Med degree to use somehow!!

  • Avatar
    Heike Johnson

    Funny

  • Avatar
    Rod Atkins

    Great idea!

  • Avatar
    Cameron White

    Reese Zarreii-Elegante Anand Komareth

  • Avatar
    Bill Clark

    True. I’m way out of the game
    I’m busy doing patient care ….. I mean charting and billing … and they are behind me on their phones.

  • Avatar
    JL Ponts

    This just shows how little you know about med students! I only go on Imgur, Clash of Clans, and Tinder :P

  • Avatar
    Juliana Morawski

    Kathie Sale Macchioni, that is why the Level 1 where I worked banned 1st and 2nd years from the ICUs…nurses would’ve murdered them.

  • Avatar
    Bill Clark

    Waiting for the first med student to invent a hat mounted IV pole, freeing up both hands so they can focus on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter full time.

  • Avatar
    Jennifer Salek

    Now they won’t be hogging my chart like they’re writing their thesis on my patients H&P.

  • Avatar
    Farah Nasraty

    Allison Hunter

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    Kathie Sale Macchioni

    worked at a teaching hospital, had some second year residents who could not have done this job. these medical students are putting them to shame!

  • Avatar
    Daryl White

    Statue of Liberty!

  • Avatar
    Roselynn K. Kingsbury

    Wow, I have 2 first year students coming next week!

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