Eminem Conference Brings Together Morbidity, Mortality & Hip-Hop

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DETROIT, MI – Yesterday’s sold-out Eminem conference at Detroit Medical Center went down as one of the greatest lunchtime conferences in history, with American rapper, songwriter, and producer Eminem showing off his lyrical chops and mastery of challenging, polysyllabic medical terminology in an event that brought together the best of hip-hop and morbidity & mortality.

“I mean, I lost myself in the music, the moment,” said family practitioner Mike Marshall, raving about Eminem conference.  “This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo.”

Eminem is considered one of the greatest rappers of all-time, not only due to his success and sales, but also because he pushed the envelope of hip-hop with his complex rhyme schemes, syncopation, and ability to bend words to make them rhyme.  He put his skills to the test during morbidity & mortality conference 12 PM to 1 PM yesterday afternoon.

“Em brought his A game,” said neurologist Michelle Kim.  “He did this incredible neuro freestyle where he rhymed ‘dyskinesia’ with ‘paresthesia,’ ‘akathisia,’ ‘girl named Felicia,’ ‘analgesia,’ and ‘time to release ya.’  It was wild!”

Many found his new single on novel therapies for chronic hepatitis C to be enlightening despite it being “explicit” and “graphic” in detail.

Eminem, who has battled with substance abuse but has maintained sobriety over the past few years, also took on the topic of drug seeking, calling those “malingering marauders, looking for Dilaudid, sketch like Jeffrey Dahmer, man it makes me vomit…”

Though many anticipated “Stan” to be the Eminem conference showstopper, it was actually a six-minute rap battle against hospital administrators that brought down the house.  He called out “f**ked up administrators,” referring to them as “high-up masturbators” in their “fancy suits tailored,” “worse than Watergate-and a gut all perforated.”

It didn’t hurt that Eminem brought out three special guests: Rihanna, Bruno Mars, and his favorite doctor of them all, the one and only Dr. Dre.

“Anybody need a doctor?!” asked Eminem to the crowd of adoring healthcare practitioners.  Eminem and Dr. Dre went on to perform “I Need a Doctor.”

At the end of Eminem conference, Dr. Dre hinted at a follow-up to his 1992 debut “The Chronic” called “The Acute on Chronic.”

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  • Dr. 99

    First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.

  • Show Comments

  • Avatar
    Kristell Flores

    The acute on chronic lmao!!

  • Avatar
    Zalman Teitelbaum

    Bsd
    Joe Aryeh Rosenbaum

  • Avatar
    Mike Nelson

    make sure to invite Dr. Dre

  • Avatar
    Kendra Hughes

    The Acute on Chronic. Ha ha ha

  • Avatar
    Rana Whitney

    ZDoggMD actually does rap about medical issues. Hilariously. Check him out.

  • Avatar
    Susan Melody

    Hahaha

  • Avatar
    Lora Ann Cullipher

    Anesthesia

  • Avatar
    Christopher Befort

    I’m not impressed by those words

  • Avatar
    Edmond Wang

    This… this isnt real

  • Avatar
    Marilyn Smith

    Best ever!

  • Avatar
    Elise Irene

    Zach seriously. I was dying laughing

  • Avatar
    Zach Fowler

    Elise Irene

  • Avatar
    Franni Cumberledge

    Ha ha ha ha!

  • Avatar
    Rachel Roberts

    Jenna Strother

  • Avatar
    Audrey Guo

    Edmond Wang

  • Avatar
    Woody Coker

    He was rapping about this sweet bitch that our kids named, Felicia

  • Avatar
    Claudia Hicks

    Lol! Eminent doing a M&M! Love it!

  • Avatar
    Janna Hartman

    It’s Eminem at M & M!

  • Avatar
    Hunter Lyon

    It should have been a goat named Felicia.

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    Jason Della Vecchia

    Sounds fun!

  • Avatar
    Sherri Allsopp

    That is a medical conference!!

  • Avatar
    Karen Townley

    excellent

  • Avatar
    Brendan Michael Riordan

    Zubin Damania

  • Avatar
    Josh Conroy

    Alex Nesbitt James Pearson

  • Avatar
    Hannah Hfr

    Lol! Clever ending …

  • Avatar
    Christie Shanafelt

    I vote for an M & M with morbidity, mortality, and chocolate!

  • Avatar
    Leah Thomas

    Carissa Typinski

  • Avatar
    Delia Trinidad Davis

    Kelly Michelle Woehrle…’girl named Felicia?”

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