Martin Shkreli

Things You Should Know About Martin Shkreli

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ceo pharmaceuticalsCEO of Turing Pharmaceuticals Martin Shkreli raised the price of Daraprim, a drug used in the treatment of toxoplasmosis, from $13.50 to $750 per pill.  Who is Martin ShkreliGomerBlog is here to provide the facts:

  • At only 32 years of age, he is already quite despicable
  • Millions of people refer to him affectionately by his nickname: A**hole
  • He is the son of Lord Voldemort
  • He is a hobbit
  • He is a reason why remote controls have a “MUTE” button
  • He is a fan of both Dr. Oz and The View
  • He actually cheered when Luke loses his hand in The Empire Strikes Back
  • Tiny penis but a giant dick
  • Favorite person is himself, followed closely in second by himself
  • Unlike a fine wine, he sucks
  • Keeps warm at night with blankets made of hundred-dollar bills
  • Easily aroused by people suffering
  • Don’t be fooled: his face is very punchable
  • Has an excellent dentist for all those times his teeth get knocked out
  • Believes there is an “I” in “TEAM”
  • If he were President of the United States, he would sell it and make a profit
  • Whereas humans are 70% water, Shkreli is 100% scum
  • Enjoys being ejaculated on
  • A new condition that causes incessant anal seepage and syphilis to be named Shkreli syndrome
  • Bought the rights to air and napkins, and plans to jack up prices for both
  • Plan to use the millions earned to repair his damaged reputation
  • Currently seeking the rights to sunlight
  • Did the impossible: made us despise pharmaceutical companies even more

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