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ceo pharmaceuticalsCEO of Turing Pharmaceuticals Martin Shkreli raised the price of Daraprim, a drug used in the treatment of toxoplasmosis, from $13.50 to $750 per pill.  Who is Martin ShkreliGomerBlog is here to provide the facts:

  • At only 32 years of age, he is already quite despicable
  • Millions of people refer to him affectionately by his nickname: A**hole
  • He is the son of Lord Voldemort
  • He is a hobbit
  • He is a reason why remote controls have a “MUTE” button
  • He is a fan of both Dr. Oz and The View
  • He actually cheered when Luke loses his hand in The Empire Strikes Back
  • Tiny penis but a giant dick
  • Favorite person is himself, followed closely in second by himself
  • Unlike a fine wine, he sucks
  • Keeps warm at night with blankets made of hundred-dollar bills
  • Easily aroused by people suffering
  • Don’t be fooled: his face is very punchable
  • Has an excellent dentist for all those times his teeth get knocked out
  • Believes there is an “I” in “TEAM”
  • If he were President of the United States, he would sell it and make a profit
  • Whereas humans are 70% water, Shkreli is 100% scum
  • Enjoys being ejaculated on
  • A new condition that causes incessant anal seepage and syphilis to be named Shkreli syndrome
  • Bought the rights to air and napkins, and plans to jack up prices for both
  • Plan to use the millions earned to repair his damaged reputation
  • Currently seeking the rights to sunlight
  • Did the impossible: made us despise pharmaceutical companies even more

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Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.