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ATLANTA, GA – “Oh God oh God oh God!” is what Tim McConnell said to himself in a fit of paranoia after a fourth Code Blue was announced overhead in the past 2 hours. Unfortunately for McConnell, those four codes occurred in rooms 1, 2, 4, and 5.  He’s in room 3.

Scared patient, code blues
“Oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no…”

“I’m NEXT!!!!” McConnell screamed.  “I know numbers and I know them well.  You know what’ll make a nice straight flush?  A Code Blue in room 3!!!”

“You’re going to be fine,” said Gerald Jones, McConnell’s nurse for today.  “You had a pneumonia and you’re better now.  In fact, your doctor just put in the discharge order.  Looks like you’re getting out just in time!”

“Yeah, a discharge order… to HEAVEN!!!!” McConnell wailed.  “Room 3 will be announced any second now and bam, it’s BINGO!  I’m a goner!  ‘Code Blue, Room 3,’ I can hear it now… Tell my family I love them.  Do I have time??  Woah-lways me, I didn’t have enough time…”

Nurse Jones hopped out of the room quickly to grab Stacy Johnson, the patient’s hospitalist, who was still outside by the nurses station.  Nurse Jones and Dr. Johnson whispered a few words back and forth before heading back into room 3.

“What’s the matter, Tim?” asked Dr. Johnson, who entered first.

“Didn’t you hear the booming voice of God announce those Code Blues?” McConnell frantically explained.  “First 5, then 1, then 2, then 4.  It’s clear: I’m NEXT!!!!  I’m finished!”

Just then, an alarm went overhead, followed by the same voice that had announced the previously Code Blues: “Code Blue, Second Floor, Room 3.  Code Blue, Second Floor, Room 3.  Code Blue, Second Floor, Room 3.”

“THAT’S ME!!!!” McConnell cried.  “I’m too young to die!!!”

Nurse Jones and Dr. Johnson started laughing, as did everyone else on the unit while McConnell anticipated his demise.  “I love pranks,” Nurse Jones said to Dr. Johnson, nodding her head in agreement.  GomerBlog asked them when they’ll tell McConnell this is a practical joke.

“Oh, don’t ruin it,” said Dr. Johnson.  “This is HILARIOUS!”

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Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.