• 444

WASHINGTON, D.C. – A groundbreaking poll conducted by the American Society of Nephrology (ASN) earlier this month revealed that 98% of its members “have no idea what the guy in the ASN logo is doing.”

ASN logo
“Perhaps this being of unknown origin is just stretching after a nice long nap”

ASN President Raymond Harris commissioned the poll when he found that none of the ASN’s board members, himself included, could figure out why this faceless, naked, possibly genital-less human is posing so weird like that.

“Our great organization was founded in 1966, that’s 50 years ago,” said President Harris very proudly.  “So on our 50th anniversary, I’d like to say to our thousands of dedicated members: WTF?  Any ideas?”  He throws his hands up in the air in wild confusion.  “I’d like to believe someone at one point in our society knew what on Earth this eunuch represented.  Do eunuchs even exist any more?  And do they need dialysis?  Is that it?!”

Unlike other ASN polls, the ASN Logo Poll didn’t have any multiple choice questions only write in answers.  It simply asked: “Take a look at our ASN logo.  Do you know what this guy or maybe even gal is doing?  If not, give us your best guess.  We could really use your help here.  We have no friggin’ clue.”

There were numerous answers, some of which are related to the kidneys, others not necessarily so.  Answers included:

  • “He’s doing a ballet rendition of Tchaikovsky’s Swan Lake
  • “The patient is prancing because his or her creatinine is improving
  • “He’s outside, reaching for a beautiful bird on a tree branch
  • “She’s running towards the light because her kidneys are visible from the outside”
  • Pre-discus throw position
  • “Logo is asking God, ‘Why, dear God, why do I have no genitals?'”
  • “Not sure about the position, but the logo is certainly anemic”
  • “Perhaps the logo is somewhere between Warrior I and Warrior II yoga poses”
  • “She’s searching for her BP meds high up in her medicine cabinet”
  • “Post-discus or placenta throw position”
  • “That’s the most comfortable position for him while getting dialyzed”
  • “He’s reaching for the shower head, while keeping his right IJ PermCath dry”
  • “F**k if I know!”

As for the 2% who knew what the logo is in fact doing, their responses were exactly the same: “The fact that you don’t know clearly means we need a change in leadership.  You should be ashamed of yourselves.”

  • 444
Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.