prior authorization prior auth eternity
Courtesy of the American Medical Association (click to enlarge)

CHICAGO, IL – A recent web-based survey conducted by the American Medical Association (AMA) of 1,000 physicians who have recently attempted requests for prior authorization (PA) revealed that the wait time for a PA decision ranges anywhere from one lifetime to forever, with the average wait time most likely sitting at around eternity.  “During the prior authorization process, it is clear that physicians can expect to see their children grow up and have families of their own and then watch all of them pass away from old age,” explained Mary Farmer, a spokesperson for the AMA.  “They can also expect several Olympic Games to have taken place, U.S. presidents to have taken the oath of office, and possibly the colonization of Jupiter by human beings before a prior authorization decision comes back as an inevitable denial.”  According to AMA statisticians, physicians and the human race as a whole should become extinct before the next prior auth is approved.

Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.