AMSTERDAM, NETHERLANDS – A week-long meeting of the world’s leading scientists, scholars, and spiritual leaders at The Hague has culminated in a solution to mankind’s greatest mystery: What is the meaning of life?  The unanimous answer is simple and stunning: charting, and more charting.

charting more charting meaning of life
Charting. Next question…

“Think about birth,” asked theoretical physicist Stephen Hawking towards a crowd of reporters, Gomerblog included.  “What is the first thing that happens?  Birth certificate.  What is that?  Documentation, charting.  So as we emerge from the womb, charting begins.  That warps my mind more than the space-time continuum.”  He continued.  “My book A Brief History of Time is nothing more than documentation.  Same with Edward Witten’s work on M-theory.  Charting.  It’s all charting!”

Nurses, doctors, and everyone else in health care know charting all too well.  In their minds, it is the most mundane of daily activities, with each press of a computer key sending them one step closer to hospice.  Little did they know they were slowly discovering the meaning of life, existence, the world, and everything within it.  Even if it requires Ctrl-Alt-Del every once in a while.

“Perhaps the yawning and boredom I thought I was experiencing was in fact meditation, bringing me a step closer to becoming one with the universe,” explained Cornell University infectious diseases fellow Elena Rodriguez, rejuvenated by the breaking news.  “In that case, let’s get started!”  Rodriguez has only 38 more consults notes to go.

Even Pope Francis cannot deny the true meaning of life.  “When we sit and talk about Darwin’s On the Origin of Species, The Bible, The Torah, the Koran, there’s no denying that this is all some extraordinary charting,” said Pope Francis with a smile.  He can’t help but laugh, all the other spiritual leaders of the world also joining in on the chuckle.  “Can you imagine; Moses probably would’ve preferred EHRs to carrying those Ten Commandments on such heavy stone tablets!”

So what happens now?

“Where we go from here is simple,” explained the Dalai Lama.  “Sure, continue to help your fellow human and love one another.  But if there’s anything you must do, it is to chart everything that you do, both at work and at home.  Chart while awake.  Chart in your dreams.  Only by charting to the fullest, can we live life to the fullest.”

Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.