hip replacement third arm
187 Shares
hip replacement third arm
“The surgery went exactly as planned. Except I replaced your left leg with an arm.  Pretty cool if you ask me.  Any questions?”

PHILADELPHIA, PA – Feeling that his career was in a rut, orthopod Brock Hammersley decided to spice things up a bit.  Today, instead of replacing an old hip with a new hip, he decided to replace patient John Foyer’s old hip with a new arm.

“That’s right, a third arm,” Hammersley said matter-of-factly, unable to hold back a wide grin.  “Come on, what’s better than two biceps?  Three biceps, that’s what!  Up top!”  Gomerblog reluctantly high-fived The Hammer back.

“I think it’s brilliant,” said physical therapist Amanda Lockhart, who has worked with a patient with three arms and one leg only once before in the past.  “He’s part of the new guard of orthopedic surgeons, Hammersley.  To replace a hip with a hip, a knee for a knee, it’s so antiquated, like Hammurabi.  Good for Brock.  Imagine all the things you can put in a hip’s place.  The possibilities are endless.”

Hammersley feels he has his mojo back.  He can’t wait to head back in the operating room and see what other great ideas he can brainstorm.

“If I come across a dude who needs both hips replaced, man oh man, you better believe he’s coming out of my OR with four arms,” Hammersley told us, unable to contain his excitement.  His biceps and triceps couldn’t contain themselves.  “I could replace my next shoulder with a foot, substitute a patella for an elbow, place a femur where a humerus should be… Man, I feel alive!!  Bones rule!  Joints rule!”

Foyer admits it takes a bit getting used to having one leg and three arms.  However, he’s optimistic.  “Walking is a challenge, I’ll give you that, but you should see these pull-ups I can do.  I never used to be able to do pull-ups my entire life!  Thanks, third arm, you’re the best!”

image_pdfimage_print
187 Shares

Tags:

  • Dr. 99

    First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.

  • Show Comments

187 Shares