As Edward Snowden hides out in third-world countries, GomerBlog has some health advice:

  • Will not be able to consult WebMD because the town’s one computer is using dial-up to AOL
  • Wait!  Don’t eat that!
  • You’ll find the Venezuelan snake tea cures many ailments.  No, you can’t have the recipe, you leak, remember?
  • Living in the third world warrants less showering, locals are less judgmental, so check for leeches nightly
  • That 5 o’clock shadow won’t be ironic, just normal now
  • Flee to one of the 30 countries with universal healthcare
  • Hope you were up to date on your shots.  If not, don’t think about that every mosquito could be a death bullet: malaria, yellow fever, dengue fever…  Hopefully you’re not paranoid.
  • Go to Haiti, pending another earthquake, no one will check there
  • An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but a mango is delicious
  • Your problems are now literally first-world problems, there is no Spanish word for Preparation H
  • Next week you’ll be kicking yourself because you forgot to pack sunscreen
  • Head to the Dominican Republic: you’ll become a shortstop, get drafted by the Yankees, thus granting you access to the best medical care money can buy
  • If you have a headache, the MRI, MRA, and CT will be substituted for a cup of suck-it-up.
  • Your diabetes risk just dropped 400%, along with heart disease and colon cancer

Lord Lockwell
Lord Vincent Lockwell, a medival surgeon, started Gomerblog in 1388. He went for a walk in the alps to get away from the bubonic plague in what is now considered southren Germany when a tragic acident occured. The avalanche did not kill him but froze him for over 500 years. He was thawed and now continues to report on medical news.
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