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Jealous of All the Consultants Who Signed Off, Primary Team Decides to Sign Off Too

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KNOXVILLE, TN – After numerous consultants signed off of the case due to the patient’s improving clinical condition, the primary inpatient internal medicine team led by Carrie Ramirez was teeming with jealously, leading her to pull off the impossible: she has signed off the patient’s case as well.

signed off sign off
“Just because I’m primary doesn’t mean I can’t sign off”

“You know what?  I just decided I’m going to sign off too, who cares if I’m the primary team?” Ramirez confessed to Gomerblog, proud of this never-before accomplished achievement.  “Who’s going to stop me?  Who?”  She reclines in her chair, putting her hands behind her head.  “Ahhh, it feels so nice to sign off!  No wonder these guys sign off all the time!  This feels great!”

Ramirez’s patient, 54-year-old Phillip Owen, had presented with a diabetic foot infection, but thanks to the efforts of the infectious diseases and podiatry teams he’s on the road to recovery, and is now simply awaiting placement.  Late last night, both infectious diseases and podiatry teams signed off, leaving the obligatory “Thank you for the interesting consult” and “Please call with any questions.”  This aggravated Ramirez, to the point she couldn’t sleep.

“Consultants do this all the time: the second things are stable they abandon ship, as if the patient were the Titanic, and the primary team has to be the one managing the patient,” explained family medicine attending Joyce Johnson.  “How is that fair?  Just because we’re the primary team doesn’t mean we should be the main caretaker.  Way to go Carrie!  I support Carrie 100%.”

In other news, Owen peaked out of his room and asked Gomerblog if we had seen any of his doctors around.  “I haven’t seen my team today, have you?  That’s weird.  I wonder why that happened?  Oh well.  If you see them, tell them I’m looking for ’em.  I’d really appreciate it.”

  • Dr. 99

    First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.

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