Scented Packing Gauze Makes Abscesses Fresh and Fun

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PROVIDENCE, RI – The field of wound care is taking note of a new line of whimsically-scented wound packing products pioneered by Quintac Hospital.  After a promising pilot program with a cinnamon prototype, medical research is underway on multiple additional scents, such as Butterscotch Crème, Cherry Cheesecake, and Tempting Tapioca.

gauze for abscess
“I love the cheesecake smell!!”

Surgical resident Rebecca Barnes is an enthusiastic supporter.  “It’s such a delight to treat myself to the refreshing aroma of farm-fresh pastries when I’m tunneling into a large gluteal abscess,” she gushed during a product release party.  “They remind me of a simpler time, when Mom and I used to make muffins together on rainy Saturday afternoons.


Patients are also giving positive reviews, although mostly for less complex aromas such as Vanilla, Cheddar, and Grape.  “If I’m going to have pus dribbling out of my armpit for the next week, I might as well smell nice,” affirms Lamont Montague, a morbidly-obese gentleman with hidradenitis suppurativa.  “I hate being nervous about that ‘not-so-fresh’ feeling we all get sometimes.”

Also in the works is a line of diabetic foot ulcer dressings.  Unfortunately, initial trials with tabasco-based bandages have met with only lukewarm reviews, but researchers are hopeful that that their Black Licorice poultice will be popular for dry gangrene and suppurative lesions.

Traditionalists shouldn’t be alarmed, however, as Quintac also plans to market scented votive candles with several classical necrotic tissue aromas.  Anaerobic Essence and Gray Gravy will be the first products released in time for next spring, and investors are anticipating high demand.

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