ATLANTA, GA – Jealous of all the attention registered nurses (RNs) have received during Nurses Week, hospital administrators nationwide are hoping to create an Administrators Week to celebrate their contributions to healthcare.  Though hospital administrators are excited, it’s too bad that absolutely no one else in medicine gives a crap.

hospital administrators
“Does anyone even give a crap?”

“Wow, Administrators Week, who gives a flying f**k?” moaned nurse Clara Barton, who was rewarded for her decades of service in nursing with a pay cut by administration.  “I bet it takes place during peak season for golf.”

Every year, Nurses Week takes place between May 6 (National Nurses Day) and May 12 (the birthday of Florence Nightingale).  It is a celebration of nurses, nursing, their contributions in history, and their central role in modern medicine.  It also acknowledges their continuing dedication to their profession and their patients.

“Is Administrators Week supposed to celebrate billing or something?” asked nurse Dorothea Dix, as she juggled seven complicated patients and still managed a smile.  “Or maybe it’s to celebrate crunching the numbers, black suits, and empty promises?”

Tens of thousands of health care practitioners across the country, including nurses, physician assistants, nurse practitioners and physicians, were polled regarding what they thought Administrators Week would celebrate.  Zero of them answered because (1) they didn’t care, (2) administrators suck, and (3) the poll reminded them too much of patient satisfaction surveys.

When is Administrators Week?  Who cares.

“Here’s what I wish would happen during Administrators Week,” nurse Margaret Sanger told GomerBlog.  “I think all administrators should all be fired and all the money wasted on their salaries be put to better use.  Here’s an innovative idea: how about hiring more health care practitioners to help with the understaffing and burnout?  And yes, that includes hiring nurses too!”

Hospital administrators were not available for comment as they were too busy planning innovative ways to break their nurses’ morale.  They were also trying to find brand new ways of not saying to our nurses “Thank you for all that you do.”

Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.