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Breaking: Ortho Declares War on Sticks & Stones

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ROSEMONT, IL – The American Academy of Orthopaedic Surgeons (AAOS) has officially declared war on sticks and stones, Gomerblog reports. 

orthopedic surgeon ortho spelling bee WBAT sticks & stones
“Game on”

“Starting today we formally declare war on two of our greatest adversaries: sticks & stones,” said AAOS president Thomas E. Arend, Jr.  “Mark my words: you will no longer be breaking anyone’s bones.  GAME ON.” 

This marks the second time in history that a subspecialty has declared war on an inanimate object.  The first came with the founding of the American Academy of Dermatology when they declared war on the Sun in 1938.  That war continues to be fought to this day.

The AAOS is expected to lay out strategic plans over the next few weeks on how they plan to more specifically handle these two formidable foes.  According to our sources, orthopods are leaning away from using scissors since stones, a cousin of rocks, crushes scissors, but are strongly considering using paper since paper covers rocks.  

Arend, Jr. has stated that his society is not declaring war on words since they pose no imminent threat to bones at this time.

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