TIBIAL PLAINS, PA – Defeating over 300 of the country’s best-spelling orthopods, Jimmy “Jackhammer” Jameson has claimed the coveted title of American Ortho Spelling Bee Champion by flawlessly spelling “WBAT” in the final round to win it all.
“I can’t believe it, I can’t believe it!” said Jameson, also known as Triple J, sweating from both the pressure of the event and the lead vest he forgot to take off during the entirety of the grunt-filled competition. “This is a dream come true!”
This year’s Ortho Spelling Bee was the most difficult to date with orthopods exiting left and right for their inability to spell such troublesome polysyllabic words like “sandwich,” “today,” or “hello.” The word “stethoscope” knocked out 155 orthopods alone.
Triple J separated himself from the pack in the first round when he successfully and confidently spelled “PT” without hesitation, and this just seconds after the shocking early exit of defending champion and this year’s favorite to win it all, Brock Hammersley, after he spelled “hammer” incorrectly. While people remarked how Hammersley could make such a mistake considering “hammer” is the first 6 letters of his last name, Triple J never looked back, spelling “NWB” in the second round and “VSS” in the third round.
In the finals, Triple J faced off against Timothy Crusher. In their first go, Crusher correctly spelled “dude” while Triple J countered with mastery of the word “bro.” Crusher and Jameson traded blows once more as they correctly and respectively spelled “cat” and “dog.” However, Crusher’s next turn went awry when he misspelled “OT.” Triple J capitalized on “WBAT” and the rest as they say is history.
Gomerblog asked Orthopedic Spelling Bee President, former Secretary of Health and Human Services Tom Price, if he realized that many of the spelling bee words weren’t actually words but abbreviations or acronyms. True to form, he didn’t have a reply and immediately resigned his position.