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fullest code

Patient to be “Fullest Code Possible”

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KEARNEY, NE - In what should not be considered abnormal in our day and age, the family of Billy Rubin demanded that the 89-year-old...
bad diet

Hospital Introduces ‘American Diet,’ Patient Satisfaction Soars

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LOUISVILLE, KY - Patients and medical staff are abuzz about the University of Louisville Medical Center’s (ULMC) new dietary option: the American diet.  It...
medical resident

Program Director Announces Fair Wage for Residents… HAHA! Just Kidding!

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The director of a well-regarded residency program created a stir this morning when he announced a significant wage increase for trainees.  In an email...
pedal pulse

Intern Tries to Palpate Pedal Pulses, Can’t Locate Legs

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BIRMINGHAM, AL - Beads of sweat were trickling down the intern's face.  He was determined. He could do this. It had been over five minutes...
premortem autopsy NPO after midnight autopsy

Pathologist Gets Head Start with Premortem Autopsy

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ATLANTA, GA - Inspired by the Food & Drug Administration's recent approval of postmortem chemotherapy, forensic pathologist Thomas Read recently decided to get a...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

Breaking: CDC Warns of Cooties Outbreak in Children

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ATLANTA, GA - Parents pay close attention: The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has issued a new warning to the American public against...
exercises

Chest Compressions & Other Great Work Exercises

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It's a fact: health care professions wake up early and get home late.  Who has time to exercise?  The answer: do your exercises at...
Doula scuba

Doula Training Offering Scuba Certification for Water Births

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NEW HAVEN, CT – The National Doula Organization (NDO) made an announcement yesterday that they are offering SCUBA classes for their doulas to help...
orthopedic surgeon ripping phone book bieps

Orthopod Bewildered by Internist with Bigger Biceps

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LOS ANGELES, CA - "How can it be??!!" wondered orthopedic surgeon Thor Hammersley, scratching his noggin with his oversized mitts.  "Thor don't understand!"  You...
ACP low back pain anything

ACP Guidelines for Low Back Pain: ‘Anything, ANYTHING But Opioids’

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PHILADELPHIA, PA - Last week, the American College of Physicians (ACP) published new recommendations for the management of nonradicular low back pain in the...