Residents No Longer Matched According to Last Name/Specialty Pun
The National Residency Match Program (NRMP) is planning a small update in their mystical computer algorithms which will erase one of US healthcare's greatest...
Dermabond Repackages for a Sexier Product
Dermabond, a skin glue widely used for surgical skin closure, has had a recent falloff in use as hospitals push cost-conscious practices. In response,...
God Postpones Miracle Due to Slightly High INR of 1.6
HEAVEN ABOVE - God, Creator of the Universe, has decided to postpone His plans for a miracle today after morning labs revealed an elevated...
Local Centenarian Attributes Longevity to Drinking, Sex, Survivorship Bias
Lenny Jones, a retired pipe fitter and Navy veteran celebrated his 102nd birthday at the Greenwood Hills nursing home on Tuesday.
When asked about the...
MS3 Responsible for Additional 50cc Blood Loss During Surgery for Doing ‘The Dab’ Instead...
AKRON, OH - After working in academics for over 20 years in Gynecology, Dr. Marshall thought she had seen it all. But a whole...
Nurses Required to Take Swim Test After Nurse Drowns in the Float Pool
KEARNEY, NE - Staff at Kind Humanitarian Hospital (KHH) were saddened to learn that a long-time nurse Lara Kennedy drowned in the nursing float...
Physician-Americans to Be Listed in Next U.S. Census as Newest Ethnic Group
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The U.S. Census Bureau has just announced that Physician-Americans will be listed as a choice in the 2020 Census survey. Capitalizing...
New Study Links Birthing Mirrors to Vaginal Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
A new study published in the Journal of Vaginal Psychology (J Vag Psy) is reporting a possible link between the use of birthing mirrors...
Intrepid Med-Peds Explorers Set Out to Search for Rumored Med-Peds Hospitalist Jobs
YUKON TERRITORY, CANADA - Dispatches from the frozen north today report that a group of 40 brave Med-Peds physicians have set out into the...
National Spelling Bee Update: All 291 Kids Eliminated After Failing to Spell ‘Dysdiadochokinesia’
WASHINGTON, D.C. - For the first time in the history of the Scripps National Spelling Bee, all 291 of the country's best young spellers...