United Airlines Blames Violent Confrontation on Anesthesia
CHICAGO, IL - After two days of unsatisfying answers from United Airlines regarding the violent extrication of a passenger from its Chicago-to-Louisville flight, CEO...
Hospitalist Becomes Own Endless Loop
In a stunning procession of events, nocturnist Angus "Kilty" McSwagger became the only known hospitalist to experience the so-called "admission mirror paradox." Long speculated...
Fed Up ID Doctor Wishes Everyone Would F**king Defervesce Already
EL PASO, TX - "Fevers, fevers, everywhere I look, someone's got a f**king fever!!" Dr. Ryan Keeley was heard muttering down a hallway at...
Orthopod Bewildered by Internist with Bigger Biceps
LOS ANGELES, CA - "How can it be??!!" wondered orthopedic surgeon Thor Hammersley, scratching his noggin with his oversized mitts. "Thor don't understand!" You...
Emergency Physician’s Eyes Well Up at Sight of Empty Waiting Room
DES MOINES, IA - Staring in awe as the final patient was discharged home, local emergency physician Dave Stanfield’s eyes reportedly welled up at...
Twas the Night Before Christmas Call
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the floor
Not a creature was stirring, not even the R4;
The pager that clung to my waistband...
Bow Tie-Wearing ER Intern Immediately Ostracized by Peers
GREENVILLE, SC - An ER intern, Calvin McSpiffy, who showed up to work in a bow tie, has been immediately ostracized by his peers...
In Last-Ditch Effort, Federal Reserve Gives Crashing U.S. Stocks 1 Amp of Bicarb
NEW YORK, NY - In a truly last-ditch effort to prevent U.S. stocks from crashing, the Federal Reserve Bank of New York has asked...
Super Bacteria Found In Hipster’s Beard, Also Has Beard
WILLIAMSBURG, NY - A local area hospital recently broke the news that a highly drug-resistant bacterial species was isolated from a man’s beard. The...
Massachusetts Hospitals to Restrict “A**hole to Nurse” Ratio
BOSTON, MA - Although a ballot question proposing stricter nurse-to-patient ratios was defeated in the Massachusetts midterm elections in November, hospitals are taking initiative...