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National Try-not-to-get-sick Month

Report: July The Worst Time of Year to Be Sick

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BOSTON, MA – A recent study demonstrated that July, the busiest time of year for teaching hospitals, was also the worst time of the year to...
cell phone brain cancer

Alarming Study Finds Malignant Brain Cancers Appear on Side of Cell Phone Use

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BOSTON, MA - A new multi-center randomized study to be published next week in Medicine found that a whopping 52.4% (+/- 3.67% with p-value 0.02) of brain cancers are...
spay neuter frightened favorite pen

Updated ACGME Guideline: Have Your New Intern Spayed, Neutered

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CHICAGO, IL - In an attempt to curb the difficult behaviors of new interns among other things, the Accreditation Council for Graduate Medical Education...

Buried Placenta Grows Baby Tree

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PHILADELPHIA, PA - Local health practitioners were stumped yesterday when local soccer mom (and tree hugger) Trina Woods discovered a baby tree growing over...
food

Texas Execution Delayed Due to Inmate’s NPO Status

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DALLAS, TX – For the third time this week a Texas execution was canceled due to the prison inmate #474901’s NPO status.  "Someone’s got...
INR 0 ENT

Interventional Radiology To Only Do Procedures if INR < 0

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OAK BROOK, IL - In an effort to completely eliminate the risk of bleeding, newly-issued guidelines from the Radiological Society of North America (RSNA)...

Patient Placed on “Crazy Precautions”

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MANHASSET, NY - In a concern for a serious outbreak of crazy, Near Shore-Middle Island Jewish Medical Center went on high alert and placed...
attending physician

Attending Known for Long ICU Rounds Admits She is Actually Just Filibustering Her Crappy...

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At the Pannus University Hospital, there is one specific attending, who preferred to remain anonymous for this article, known for exquisitely long rounds.  Every...
mashed potatoes

VA Hospital Honors Decorated Veteran of Three Wars with Free Side of Mashed Potatoes

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INDIANAPOLIS, IN – Veterans Day is a time when our country comes together to honor our military service men and women who have sacrificed...

Emergency Departments Implement New Triage Form to Screen Patients for Actual Disease

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NEW YORK, NY - Myocardial infarction, subarachnoid hemorrhage, sepsis, diabetic ketoacidosis: these are examples of what the medical community regards as "real diseases."  Unfortunately,...