Big Pharma Admits They’re Just Trying to Kill Everybody with Vaccines
WASHINGTON, D.C. - In what is being hailed as a huge victory for the anti-vaccine movement, Big Pharma announced to the world today that they've...
Placenta Throw to Replace Discus at Rio Olympics
RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL - The International Olympic Committee (IOC) has voted unanimously to replace Track & Field's Discus event with the Placenta Throw...
Skinny Jeans Increase Venous Return in Sepsis
CINCINNATI, OH - A recent study out of Northside, Cincinnati claims all-cause mortality benefit in sepsis with addition of skinny jeans to early goal...
CDC Now Recommends Using Baby Diapers for PPE
ATLANTA, GA - The Centers for Disease Control has issued a statement recommending that doctors and nurses should now use baby diapers for PPE....
Valvoline Instant Oil Change to offer drive-through dialysis service
LEXINGTON, KY – In a surprise announcement this morning, a spokesperson for Ashland, Inc – the parent company of Valvoline Instant Oil Change (VIOC)...
New Patient Satisfaction Initiative Mandates That All Patient Baths Have “Happy Ending”
CARY, NC - In a bold and unprecedented move to increase patient satisfaction scores, administrators at Our Lady of Chronic Narcotic Dependence Hospital outside...
Anesthesia to Bill for Table Changes
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The National Anesthesiology Resource Committee (NARC) scored a major legislative victory on behalf of all anesthesiology providers today. As part of...
Local Organic Mom Pleased to Have All Natural, Antibiotic-Susceptibility-Free Infection
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Local organic mom, Fern Meadow, is pleased that her life-threatening leg infection is pandrug-resistant.
“When I spiked a fever and saw red...
Surgeon Recommends Amputation as Means of Improving Weight Loss Outcomes
LOS ANGELES, CA - Los Angeles-based vascular surgeon Dr. Jackson Dyers has begun recommending that his patients living with obesity undergo above the knee...
Uber Rolls Out New ED-to-ED Transit Service for Drug Seekers
PHILADELPHIA, PA - Filling a niche in a market that has been underserved for years, on-demand transportation company, Uber, has rolled out a novel...