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The Latest Fashion Trend for the Fall: Chin Hammocks

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The fall is here and with it, comes the latest fashion trends for the coolest and hippest of people of the world: those who...
Mario mushroom 27 bones

Endocrinologist: Small Mario Suffering from Mushroom Deficiency

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WORLD 1-1 - Problem solved: After a battery of tests (including colonoscopy), an endocrinologist at World 1-1 Medical Center has discovered and informed Small Mario...
driving to ED

Uber Rolls Out New ED-to-ED Transit Service for Drug Seekers

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PHILADELPHIA, PA - Filling a niche in a market that has been underserved for years, on-demand transportation company, Uber, has rolled out a novel...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

CDC: “Don’t Forget to Check Human Orifices for Easter Eggs”

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ATLANTA, GA - The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) would like to take this opportunity to wish everybody a "Happy Easter!" and hopes...

Doing His Part: Urologist Unveils Telehealth Prostate Exams

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With the COVID-19 pandemic threatening to overwhelm healthcare systems, physicians have had to get creative in the ways that they care for patients. Recently,...

Zoo CT Scanner Inundated with Morbidly Obese Humans

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HOUSTON, TX - The Great Texas Zoo had very high hopes for a newly installed $2M CT scanner. Local veterinarian Dr. Levi Quinn informed...
smoking at hospital

Patient with Inhuman Perseverance and Resolve Makes It Outside to Smoke with 50 Pounds...

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COLUMBUS, OH - Last week a patient at University Hospital performed a feat so incredible, so difficult, that she has earned the distinction of...
cancer drug

Cancer Drug Delayed 2 Years Due to Licensing Deal

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Boston, MA – Astra-Nomical has delayed their wonder cancer drug, Fizamax (ferazepatab), again. This time up to 2 years because of promotional disputes. “We were...
Putin

ABIM Taps Putin to Quash Internal Medicine MOC Revolt

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PHILADELPHIA, PA - The American Board of Internal Medicine (ABIM) President and CEO Dr. Richard Baron introduced his new Maintenance of Certification (MOC) position...
cancer drug

Meet Dilaudicillin the Groundbreaking New Narcotic/Antibiotic Combo that has Patient Satisfaction Scores Through the...

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In the era of Press-Ganey scores, most physicians have finally accepted that they are essentially waiters whose job is to serve the every whim...