Thousands Dead in Battle Between Ophthalmologists and Optometrists
WASHINGTON, DC - Thousands of eye care providers were found dead in the streets Monday morning after a vicious battle erupted between ophthalmologists and...
Struggling Hospital Converts Idle Operating Rooms Into Escape Rooms on Weekend
SPRINGFIELD, NJ—One of the most popular new forms of entertainment may be coming to a hospital near you. In an effort to make more...
Nurses, Doctors Fight Back with New Health Care Practitioner Satisfaction Surveys
NEW YORK, NY - Sick and tired of the unfair nature of patient satisfaction surveys that puts service above disease management, a multidisciplinary team...
Conspiracy! Powerful Microscope Finds “Made in China” Imprinted on Virus
ATLANTA, GA—Staring for hours at the 500,000x-magnified image of the novel coronavirus under his electron microscope, Dr. Henry Thomson of the CDC just could...
Medical Researcher Belatedly Realizes His Paper Was Published in The Anals of Internal Medicine
DES MOINES, IA – With dawning horror, local medical researcher Dr. Clint Malloy realized he had been mistaken to believe his recent paper was accepted...
Lyrics to the Men’s Health Christmas Carol Favorite: “Check Your Balls”
It is the Season of Giving. Don’t put your d*ck in a box to spread that Christmas cheer; instead, consider performing a testicular self-exam....
Breaking: Resident Answers ‘Yes’ When Third-Year Medical Student Asks if They Can Help With...
CHICAGO, IL – It was approximately 4:15 PM last Tuesday when Clark Gunnerson, a 3rd year medical student on his pediatrics rotation, uttered the universal...
Thor Spotted Crushing Reflexes with Mighty Hammer
ASGARD – According to witnesses, Thor, Norse God of Thunder, was recently spotted at a local hospital crushing patellar tendons with his mighty new...
Mayo Secretly Celebrates New #1 Status After Cleveland Clinic Comes Out Anti-Vax
ROCHESTER, MN - The Mayo Clinic recently held a campus-wide party this weekend full of "Number 1" balloons and cakes that said "Mayo #1". ...
Infectious Disease consulted for FUO, Prescribes More Cowbell
COLUMBUS, OH – A local case has gained national attention as ground zero in the initiative for antibiotic stewardship. A 27-year-old previously healthy man...