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Ortho Outraged Pharmacy Doesn’t Carry Methicillin, Wonders How to Treat Patient with MSSA

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WOONSOCKET, RI - Despite numerous cultures coming back as Methicillin Sensitive Staph aureus, most pharmacies no longer carry the ancient antibiotic. This hasn't been an...

Disgusting Pediatric Radiologist Looks at Pictures of Kids on Computer in a Dark Room...

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CHICAGO, IL - While out on his first date in years, Dr. Mike Doxycycline had a very awkward moment.  His date asked Doxycycline what he...
hipster beard super bacteria

Super Bacteria Found In Hipster’s Beard, Also Has Beard

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WILLIAMSBURG, NY - A local area hospital recently broke the news that a highly drug-resistant bacterial species was isolated from a man’s beard. The...

Millennial Admitted to Hospital for ‘Fevers, Netflix & Chills’

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BOCA RATON, FL - Yesterday evening, staff hospitalist Dr Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram was called by the Madre De Díos Hospital ER to admit a patient with the...
CDC The Cure Friday I'm in Love

CDC Announces “It’s Friday, I’m in Love!!”

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ATLANTA, GA - After informing Thursday that it didn't care about it, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has happily announced that...
polar vortex

Polar Vortex Advice: Urologists Recommend Setting Genitals on Fire for Warmth

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LINTHICUM, MD - With the polar vortex forcing them to convene a rare emergency meeting, the American Urological Association (AUA) has issued new recommendations...

Elephant Complains of Chest Pain ‘Like a Human Sitting on My Chest’

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NEW YORK, NY - At approximately 6:00 AM this morning, a local elephant named Eli the Elephant developed excruciating ten out of ten chest...
influenza C. diff

That Can’t Be Good: Flu Swab Positive for C. Diff

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ATLANTA, GA - In a highly-ominous sign suggesting this year's influenza season may be as bad or even worse than last year's, the Centers...
lozenges

3:01 AM Lozenges Order Request Caught on Tape

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BOCA RATON, FL - The following is an exclusive transcript of the explosive dialogue that has resulted in a formal reprimanding of Dr. Ann Hedonia...
patient in pain

Patient with 9 Listed Allergies and ‘High Pain Tolerance’ Actually Has a High Pain...

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TOPEKA, KS – Local ER Physician Dr. Onlee Cönsults claims he met the Great White Buffalo of ER patients during his shift last evening...