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Scrub Tech Has Friend Visit Apartment: ‘Don’t Touch Anything’

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ATLANTA, GA – Local surgical technologist, Janelle Paulson, had to make an unexpected stop at home after work, cited co-worker Katie Peters.  “We don’t...
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Mystery of Appendix Solved: A Private Space for Horny Bacteria to “Get It On”

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INSIDE YOUR APPENDIX—Admit it, when you place your stethoscope (that is, if you even own one) on a patient’s abdomen, you don’t really keep...
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Ask a 4th-Year Med Student (Who’s Checked Out for the Year)

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Our readers get to pose tough questions to our columnist-cum-med student who is only a few months away from graduating. Dear 4th-Year Med Student Who’s...

Harvard Establishes New Standard for Research with Double-Blinded Consents

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BOSTON, MA - Long regarded as a mecca for medical research, Harvard Medical Center has pushed the envelope yet again with double-blinded consents. Now neither...
audible sighs world record world-record

Breaking: ABIM Requires Daily Recertification

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PHILADELPHIA, PA - In a move that will most certainly not be received well by the medical community, the American Board of Internal Medicine...

Hospital to Reduce Infections by Coating Patients In Anti-Bacterial Ointment

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CHICAGO, IL - Chicago General Hospital is beginning a new initiative to reduce infections in the hospital. Dr. Reiff Lightlier, CMO of the hospital,...
ketchup packet

Toddler Goldfish and Ketchup Diet Somehow Working

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MASSACHUSETTS - A new study just released last week in the journal Nutrition demonstrated that the toddler goldfish and ketchup diet is somehow working; they just...
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The Epic EHR Bartender

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Patron: I’d like a beer. Epic: Wait until I log on… (30 seconds) Welcome to Hyperspace! Patron: I’d like a beer. Epic: Pick from this list. Patron: Hmm…...

COVID-19: Purell Launches Dozens of Hand-Sanitizing Missiles

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - In an aggressive effort to mitigate the spread of novel coronavirus COVID-19, Purell has launched no fewer than 20 hand sanitizing...
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Book of Delivery Menus Missing, 20 Night Nurses & Doctors Die of Hunger

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AUGUSTA, GA - Medical personnel, patients, and families at Augusta Medical Center (AMC) are in mourning this morning as 20 night nurses and physicians...