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rods and cones

Retina Specialist to Further Subspecialize and Focus on Cones

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NEW YORK, NY - Realizing that the ophthalmologic world of retina is still way too vast with its ten layers, retina specialist Jacob Vitreous has...
Waiting Room

Tired of Waiting, Patient Develops “Chest Pain” in ER

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ARLINGTON, VA – 32-year-old patient George Hightower rolled his ankle playing basketball this Saturday afternoon.  He went to the ER only after much persuasion from friends to...
cpr

Code Blue Also Code Brown

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NEW YORK, NY – According to multiple sources in attendance at, or rapidly emerging from, the cardiopulmonary resuscitation currently underway in room 1214, the...

STAT Officially Means “Maybe”

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BIRMINGHAM, AL - Ever wonder why your 8 AM stat blood draw hasn’t been done even though it’s now 7 PM the next day? ...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

New CDC Recommendation: Ignore Patients with Pain > 4

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ATLANTA, GA - The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has issued a new recommendation on the heels of March's "CDC Guideline for...
feet

Pathologists Criticized for Having High Proportion of Terminally-Ill, Cancer-Diagnosed, and Deceased Patients

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CHICAGO,  IL - As greater attention is drawn to patient outcome and patient satisfaction, new specialty specific data has revealed that pathologist’s patients are...
nurse crime scene

Tragedy at St. Mary’s Hospital as Nurse Tries to Eat Another Nurse

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ALBANY, NY – Police are currently on the scene at St. Mary’s Hospital as reports are streaming in regarding a story that is as...
nice patient endangered species

Breaking: Nice Patients Added to Endangered Species List

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WASHINGTON, DC - In a move suggesting they are likely to become extinct unless something more is done to save them for future generations, the...

Hospital Rat Mistaken for Pokémon

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CHICAGO, IL - Northwestern University Hospital had a false alarm Saturday, where several employees mistook a hospital rat for a rare Pokémon.  "I was...

Hospitalists Panic, Ortho Continues Home Medications Without Consultation

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KEARNEY, NE - The wave of worry spread quickly across the hospitalist community after Dr. Zimmer Strykerton, a local orthopedist, not only admitted a...