Obama Replaces Surgeon General with Nurse Practitioner General
WASHINGTON, D.C. - At a hastily-gathered press conference here today, President Obama announced that effective immediately, Surgeon General Rear Admiral (RADM) Boris D. Lushniak,...
Pharmacists Reassure Worried Public They’ll Never Run Out of GoLytely
BRAINTREE, MA—From antibiotics to analgesics and anesthetics to ACLS drugs, there is an underreported epidemic of drug shortages in America. With over 140 vital...
CDC Reporting New Condition Affecting Residency Applicants: Email Refresh Syndrome (ERS)
ATLANTA, GA - Each fall, thousands of fourth-year medical students submit residency applications and eagerly wait for interview invitations. This has traditionally been an...
Medical Students Secures “Honors” In Surgery After Successfully Naming Last 5 Songs From Pandora
DURHAM, NC - In what has been declared the finest academic performance seen in a generation, local medical student Brian Mills successfully named the title...
Orthopod Has Near-Death Experience Until Internist Responds to Call for Doctor Mid-Flight
SOMEWHERE OVER THE PACIFIC OCEAN - Dr. Brock Hammersley felt nauseated and sweaty and experienced the feeling of an elephant sitting on his chest with...
Legal Department at University Uses Attorneys as Models for PBR Course
The Pelvic, Breast and Rectal (PBR) exams are now being performed on our attorneys in our legal department due to restrictions by that same...
Santa Uses Electronic Gifts Record and Screws up Bigtime
“It has been a disaster,” said Santa while banging his head against the computer monitor screen. “It has never taken me so long to...
Healthcare Professionals Sweep Medals In All Olympic Mouse-Clicking Events
RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL - Healthcare professionals' historic dominance of Olympic mouse-clicking events has continued as competition nears completion. Doctors, nurses, physician's assistants, respiratory...
Anesthesia Completes Construction of Epic OR Drape Fort
ATLANTA, GA - After almost a year in the works, Anesthesia is excited to announce the completion of what is likely the world's most...
Patient Admitted with Life-Threatening Butthurt Exacerbation
CHICAGO, IL - "Move people, this guy's crashing!" EMTs yelled, asking everyone to get out of their way as they aggressively carried 33-year-old Alexander...