Apple to Introduce New Surgical Gown 7 with No Sleeves
CUPERTINO, CA - Apple Medical just announced their new line of OR gear for the new year: iSurgicalGown 7. This new line takes a...
Conrad Murray Hired Promoting Exclusive Anesthesia Use for Propofol
HOUSTON, TX – Dr. Conrad Murray, a smooth criminal, has been released from jail following his two-year sentence for the death of Michael Jackson. He has been unable to...
93% of New England Journals Are Rolled Up & Used to Kill Flies
BOSTON, MA - Maybe don't throw away all those unread New England Journals just yet: A study published in this month's issue of the...
With a Scale Outside the Room, Hospitalist Asks Subspecialists to Weigh In
AUSTIN, TX - Several subspecialists at Brisket Medical Center have decided to weigh in on a complex case of fever of unknown origin. The...
Massachusetts Hospitals to Restrict “A**hole to Nurse” Ratio
BOSTON, MA - Although a ballot question proposing stricter nurse-to-patient ratios was defeated in the Massachusetts midterm elections in November, hospitals are taking initiative...
Pioneering Bionics Company Gains FDA Approval for Robotic Penis
E-Rextion Bionix has proudly announced that its breakthrough HeteroErectus Cyberpenis enhancement prosthesis will soon be available to patients in the U.S. market who so...
SHITSTORM Red Flag Phrases During Patient Turnover
DJIBOUTI, DJIBOUTI - The 5th annual Seminar of Hospital Internists Technologists Surgeons Traumatologists Others RNs and More (SHITSTORM) convention resulted in the drafting of...
Radiologist Reports His Dictations in Haiku Form
Dr. Gerald Wong, a veteran radiologist with 5 months before his retirement, was interviewed yesterday by E.J. Weekly on how his new style of...
Public Flees California in Droves Due to Dilaudid Shortage
CALIFORNIA - As a result of a statewide shortage of the popular IV opioid pain medication, Dilaudid, a mass emigration of people away from...
Intern Asks Nurse for Multiple Choices Before Making Decision
On his first week as a surgery intern, Dane Colbert began what is sure to be a storied career in medicine by asking the nurse...