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mri scanner

Hospital Discontinues MRI Screening Forms, Press-Ganey Scores Soar

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In a presentation to the American Association of Gullible Hospital Administrators, Shady Practices Medical Centers reported that as a result of numerous satisfaction surveys,...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

COVID-19: CDC Recommends Not Listening to CDC Recommendations

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ATLANTA, GA - After receiving harsh criticism for its recommendation to resort to scarves and bandanas when facemasks are no longer available, the Centers...

Charmin Profits As July Interns Sh*t Themselves

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GREEN BAY, WI - Proctor & Gamble's toilet paper brand Charmin expects to see profits soar throughout July as new interns flood hospitals in a blazing...
childhood obesity

Thai Cave Divers to Locate Obese Patient’s Genitals

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KEARNEY, NE - With options dwindling, all hopes rest on the heroic divers who saved the boys in Thailand to locate a 600-lb. man’s...

American Academy of Pediatrics Admits That Children Really Are Little Adults

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WASHINGTON, DC - A year-long undercover investigation into the American Academy of Pediatrics’ claim that pediatric patient management was distinct from that of adults has...
the sun

Health Care Providers Unsure What That Bright Yellow Glowing Orb is in the Sky

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CHARLESTON, SC - In an eye-opening new study published in the latest issue of JAMA (Just Another Medical Association), researchers at The Medical University...
Super Mario 27 Bones

Breaking Bricks No More: Mario Shatters All 27 Bones in Left Hand

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WORLD 3-2 - It looks like the cumulative lifetime effect of punching bricks has finally caught up to our favorite plumber: In an attempt...
lawyer up

Revised ASA Classification Tells You When to Lawyer Up

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  An expert panel comprised of ambulance chasing, blood sucking lawyers and that one snotty dude from med school published a revised ASA physical status...
social media

Social Media Doula latest OB trend

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EVANSTON, IL—In one more push to offer fresh amenities to their patients, Labor and Delivery units are now employing Social Media Doulas to assist...

New Medical Unit Quiet Hours Now From 3 PM to 2:59 PM

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NASHVILLE, TN - In an effort to provide much needed peace and quiet for the medical staff, Unit 4G at Nashville Memorial Hospital has...