Thousands of Surgeons Dying Daily of Wearing Masks
Chicago, IL- The American Association of Orthopaedic Surgeons announced today that the nation is running out of orthopaedic surgeons.
“We’re losing 1,500-2,000 surgeons everyday. They’re...
Commentary: Percocet Doesn’t Work for Me Because It Has Tylenol, and Tylenol Doesn’t Help...
Thanks but no thanks. Percocet (oxycodone/acetaminophen) doesn’t work for me. Why? Isn’t it obvious? You’re the one with the medical degree and you don’t...
Chief Resident Forging Attending’s Signature for Intern Assessment Forms, Praised for His Initiative
DROGHEDA, CO. LAOIS, IRELAND - Dr. Means was discovered yesterday to be filling out intern assessment forms and signing them with Mr. McGearry’s signature. The...
Intake Nurse Report: Ex-FBI Director Jim Comey is Really Freakishly Tall
WASHINGTON, D.C. - According to numerous nursing sources who have taken his vital signs and other intake information, recently-fired FBI Director James "Jim" Comey's...
Katy Perry Admits Her Song ‘Firework’ is Really About Fireworks Safety
LOS ANGELES, CA - Thinking of no better time than the Fourth of July to come out with the news, pop sensation Katy Perry...
Millennial Admitted to Hospital for ‘Fevers, Netflix & Chills’
BOCA RATON, FL - Yesterday evening, staff hospitalist Dr Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram was called by the Madre De Díos Hospital ER to admit a patient with the...
Hospitals Unleash New, Brutally Honest Slogans
NEW YORK, NY - Forget the days of the compassionate and uplifting slogans like “A Passion for Healing,” “Because Your Life Matters,” or “Every...
McDonald’s Settles Strike by Requiring All Employees to Re-Apply through ERAS
WASHINGTON, DC - In a shocking move by McDonald’s in response to recent protests over minimum-wage pay, the mega-corporation has agreed to pay its...
Gastroenterologists Try to Eliminate Acid Reflux by Building Wall along Stomach-Esophagus Border
Laredo, TX— Earlier this month, at the annual meeting of the American Gastroenterological Association in El Paso, Texas, a group of doctors proposed building...