Trauma Surgeon Looks Forward to Sleeping in Until 5 AM Tomorrow
SEATTLE, WA - After what has been undoubtedly a very busy week even for what is expected this time of year, Harborview Medical Center trauma...
Retiring Soccer Star to Open Malingering Clinic for ED Drug Seekers
MUNICH, GERMANY - In a surprise announcement sure to shock both the soccer and medical world, German star midfielder, Michael Schmerzen, announced today his...
This Day in Medical History: John Hancock Co-Signs the Declaration of Independence
THIS DAY IN MEDICAL HISTORY, 1776 - On this day in both medical and American history, the President of the Second Continental Congress, John...
Nurse confines fidgety med student in OR to Bouncy Seat
Phoenix, AZ: In what can only be described as an act of creative desperation, circulating nurse Susan Bremington found a novel way of dealing...
Intern Put Into Timeout Cage to Think About What She Did
EL PASO, TX - New medical intern Lilah Pepper was placed into a timeout cage by her team on rounds earlier today as punishment,...
Breaking: Grand Rounds Not Particularly Grand Today
LOS ANGELES, CA - Earlier this morning vascular surgeon Dr. Emma Wexler gave Grand Rounds to her fellow colleagues at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. Unfortunately...
Brilliant Chemist Gives up Dream of Curing Cancer, Focuses Efforts on Inducing 3 ½...
CAMBRIDGE, MA - Citing practical reasons, 41-year-old renowned chemist and laboratory researcher Charles Kenzington, Ph.D. has formally ended his three-decade quest to discover a...
Dilaumorfentanylocet approved for 11/10 pain and above
In an exciting development for doctors and nurses around the country, FDA has approved a powerful new drug for treatment of resistant pain, defined...
Drug Seeker Fills Entire Emesis Bucket with Noise Before Receiving Dilaudid
DAYTONA BEACH, FL - Deborah Samson, a 47-year-old non-diabetic drug seeker with a terrible but mysterious case of opioid-induced abdominal pain, was forced last week...
Watching Cable News Raises Blood Pressure Better than Levophed, Study Finds
It is common knowledge that watching your Grandpa getting riled up night after night watching cable news opinion hosts rant and rave about their...