After Binging on Pizza and Beer, Local Man Claims to Have Gluten Allergy
BERKELEY, CA – Local resident Charles Longfellow is no stranger to beer. “A typical weekend I’ll go through a couple cases,” he told reporters...
Mid-Case and Looking for a Workout, Orthopod Asks Scrub Tech for Dumbbells
LOS ANGELES, CA - Realizing that this little-old lady's hip replacement wasn't giving him the adequate workout and reps he needed, orthopedic surgeon Brock...
Toddler Goldfish and Ketchup Diet Somehow Working
MASSACHUSETTS - A new study just released last week in the journal Nutrition demonstrated that the toddler goldfish and ketchup diet is somehow working; they just...
5.8 Million Packers Fans Sign Up to Donate Their Clavicles to Aaron Rodgers
GREEN BAY, WI - After Aaron Rodgers went down in Sunday's game against the Minnesota Vikings (0 Super Bowl trophies in team history), Packers (5...
AAP Announces New Screening Tool for Resident Developmental Delays
OKLAHOMA CITY, OK – American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) has responded to a request from the American Medical Association (AMA) and constructed a new screening...
Chaos as ICU Attending Touches Defibrillator
LEBANON, IN – An internal mass casualty incident was declared at Saint Sebastian Hospital on Thursday morning after an ICU physician inadvertently discharged a...
Jehovah’s Witness, Vegan-CrossFitting, Essential Oils-Selling Med Student Uncertain How to Open Conversation
SEATTLE, WA - Local fourth-year medical student, Brody Smugprick, attempted to strike up a conversation with a fellow student at a fair-trade coffee market...
Anesthesiologist Blames Surgery for Patient’s Difficult Airway
BILOXI, MS - In what is believed to be the first time anywhere, local anesthesiologist Arick Lunchbocks blamed general surgeon Bessie Jandle for the...
Mars Probe Discovers River of Essential Oils
WASHINGTON: Surprising revelations keep coming from the red planet, as NASA’s Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter (MRO) was able to direct one of the Mars surface...
FDA Approves FUROSESONEROLAQUINOX for Undifferentiated Dyspnea
WASHINGTON, D.C. - To the delight of emergency physicians across the country, the Food and Drug Administration has approved the use of a new drug...