MRI Broken, Intern Forced to Hold Giant, Oversized Magnet
BOSTON, MA - The MRI machine at Massachusetts General Hospital broke down today. "We were really at a loss without an MRI in a...
Haldol Blowdart Halted in Phase 3 Clinical Trial Due to ‘Safety Concerns’
MORRISTOWN, NJ - Recognizing the mounting need for new and creative ways to quickly administer haloperidol (a typical antipsychotic drug) to that “difficult” patient, Big...
Latest Research Suggests That a Nice Family Prognosticates Mortality in the Intensive Care Unit
ABSTRACT
Background
A group of 1594 (667 were excluded for lack of relative personality traits) patients in a large metropolitan hospital were enrolled in a research...
Neurosurgeon Replaced by 4th Year Medical Student due to Massive Number of Research Publications
An attending neurosurgeon in central Ohio was replaced by a fourth-year medical student due to research production. MS4 End O’Scopit was interviewing for a...
Joint Commission Inspections to Continue on Zoom During COVID Pandemic
The Joint Commision announced today that they are planning to continue regularly scheduled inspections of hospitals during the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic. Experts at the...
Man Can’t Resist Urge to Stick Pinky into Belly Button, Smell It Over &...
DORAVILLE, GA - Despite the self-loathing and disappointment it causes, area man Brandon Miller just doesn't care and has fessed up, saying he cannot...
Drug Seeker Fills Entire Emesis Bucket with Noise Before Receiving Dilaudid
DAYTONA BEACH, FL - Deborah Samson, a 47-year-old non-diabetic drug seeker with a terrible but mysterious case of opioid-induced abdominal pain, was forced last week...
Prego Announces New Line of Pasta Sauces to Celebrate the Miracle of Birth
CAMDEN, NJ - Seeking to branch out into the world of medicine for the first time, Prego has teamed up with the American College...
Bovie Electrocautery Receives FDA Approval for Cutting Red Tape
SILVER SPRING, MD - In an unprecedented move by the Food & Drug Administration (FDA), Bovie electrocautery has been approved for both incisional and excisional...
Pain Clinic Unveils New ‘Methadrone’ Delivery
TALLAHASSEE, FL - A new cutting-edge system for delivery of maintenance narcotics was unveiled in the Florida panhandle last month, as Our Lady of the Weeping...