Local Hospital Has New Policy: Ask for Dilaudid, Get Dilaudid, No Questions Asked
COLUMBUS, OH - A local hospital is trying a new, controversial but more efficient approach to medical care. “We have changed our guidelines, if you...
Breaking: Ronald McDonald Suffers ST-Elevation McFarction
OAK BROOK, IL - Beloved clown mascot Ronald McDonald has suffered another heart attack this morning, and was taken to Oak Brook Medical Center...
Half Slice of Cake Left for Night Shift
Keeping with longstanding tradition, med-surg dayshift nurses consumed all the break room cake except for half of a slice.
“Thank you to all the doctors...
Manhattan Clam Chowder Mistaken For Bloody Emesis
New York, NY- In a case of understandable confusion, a bowl of uneaten Manhattan Clam Chowder was mistaken for bloody emesis at Columbia University...
Landmark Study: Fortnite Superior to Dilaudid in Teenage Males
POUGHKEEPSIE, NY - A groundbreaking new study conducted by CHOP (Children’s Hospital of Poughkeepsie) found that teenage males preferred access to the popular video...
Uber Offers In-Hospital Patient Transport with UberGURNEY
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Uber’s success knows no bounds. After infiltrating cities across the world with their groundbreaking online-based transportation service, Uber is infiltrating...
Skinny Jeans Increase Venous Return in Sepsis
CINCINNATI, OH - A recent study out of Northside, Cincinnati claims all-cause mortality benefit in sepsis with addition of skinny jeans to early goal...
EM Intern Kicked Out Of Residency For Completing Full Work-Up Of Patient Before Consulting...
“We absolutely will not tolerate this kind of behavior,” the irate Department of Emergency Medicine chairman began. “This isn’t like the old days when...
Patient Who Won’t Sign Consent Form Feared to Have Read It
The decision by a patient to not sign an informed consent form has left her surgeon petrified that she actually read the form. If...
Breaking: VA Pick Ronny Jackson Withdraws from Both Nomination, Opioids
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Citing the "baseless and anonymous attacks on my character" as well as intractable abdominal cramps, lacrimation, and rhinorrhea, White House physician Rear...