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Local Man Cures Diabetes After He Refuses His Insulin

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SEATTLE, WA – After years of obesity, a high calorie diet and limited exercise Mr. Krendall presented to his local ED after feeling, “crappy”...

Family Practice Office Follows Airlines and Overbooks Clinic on Purpose

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After a recent travel mishap during one of his 8 weeks paid vacation, Primary Care Administrator Dewey Kaer was struck with a flash of...

Study Shows Oxygen Less Functional When Nasal Cannula Worn as Headband

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ATTLEBORO, MA - A recent study shows that oxygen administration is significantly less effective for patients who wear their nasal cannulas as a headband. Nasal...

Study: Inverse Relationship Between IQ, Reproductive Capacity

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BATON ROUGE, LA - A prospective, observational study out of Baton Rouge reports intelligence is inversely related to reproductive capacity.  Investigators quote compelling data...
Trojan condom

It’s About Time: Trojan’s New Bulletproof Condoms to Protect Against STIs, Terrorists

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NEW YORK, NY - Focusing 2017 research and development dollars on the final sentence of their tagline "Trojan. Pleasure you want. Protection You Trust.," Trojan...
tightrope walker

Amateur Tightrope Walker Looks Forward to First Level I Trauma Visit

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KANSAS CITY, MO - 28-year-old Taylor Jasper, a banker by trade who just came across tightroping just days ago, told those closest to him...
Hillary Clinton

Hillary Cures Insomnia with Yet Another Boring Speech

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PHILADELPHIA, PA - The woefully uncharismatic Hillary Clinton has cured insomnia in all Americans with yet another boring speech, this time delivered while accepting...
fetal position

Tips for New Interns: How to Curl into the Fetal Position

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We can certainly feel for all those interns starting this month: their minds are spinning and their cardiac rhythms are just shy of V-tach....
orthopedic surgeon orthopedics orthopaedics

Orthopods Now Offering Virtual Bro-fit Classes

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Chicago, IL - Orthopaedists always figured their specialty was science-proof. "One day we will have a cure for heart disease, and the cure for...
doctor

Universal Admission Template for a Drug Seeker

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Chief Complaint: Abdominal pain or pain due to condition that doesn’t cause pain. History of Present Illness: This is a really, really annoying patient with a given...