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CDC Recommends Against Licking Eyeballs

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ATLANTA, GA - Say it isn't so!  The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has just announced that it cannot and will not...
aorta

Blood Sample Spontaneously Unhemolyzes Because Nurse Asks Nicely

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PHILADELPHIA, PA - Sources from a local hospital are reporting a miracle, after a sample received by the laboratory spontaneously unhemolyzed following a discussion...

Ebola Now Airborne, Nation Prepares

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ATLANTA, GA - Ebola, the most deadly disease known to man, was confirmed to be airborne by the CDC after an extensive investigation of...
surgery

Surgeon Performs Appendectomy, Still Trying to Convince OR Staff That It Was Infected

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KNOXVILLE, TN – General surgeon Dr. Hendrick Knightsville is being credited with quite an acting performance in operating room 7.  Dr. Knightsville took a...

Cat on Ventilator, Still Full Code After 4 Years

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FREDERICKSBURG, FL - Local cat, Smokey, has been staying in the local vet hospital - in the ICU - for about 4 years.  This...
neurology consult

Poll: Why Are Neurologists Consulted?

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We polled thousands of neurologists across the world to get down to the bottom of why they are consulted.  Here are the top 9...
anesthesiologist intubate bored anesthesiologist

Warren Beatty, La La Land Blame Oscar Best Picture Mix-Up on Anesthesia

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HOLLYWOOD, CA - In a stunning and unprecedented finish to the Oscars last night, presenters Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway had announced "La La Land"...

Spouse of Surgical Resident Charged with Polygamy

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YONKERS, NY - 27-year-old Emily Follingsworth was charged with polygamy yesterday in Yonkers, NY, days after her second wedding.  Follingsworth, a spouse of a fifth-year neurosurgical...

MMA Fighter Ronda Rousey Hired to Confront Difficult Patients

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SANTA MONICA, CA - The world’s number one pound-for-pound female mixed martial arts (MMA) fighter and current reigning Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) Women’s Bantamweight...
tips for patients

Annual Patient Symposium Publishes Top 10 Tips for New Patients

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Here are some great tips to drive the residents taking care of you absolutely crazy! 1.     Start by talking about your chronic pain. Even...