New AHA CPR Guidelines Introduce “Sensual” Rescue Breaths
DALLAS, TX - In a change of course from recent guidelines which stressed hands on chest-only CPR for bystanders, the American Heart Association (AHA) has...
Doc McStuffins Forced to Resign Due to Dismal Patient Satisfaction Scores
ORLANDO, FL - Children across America are devastated after news broke today that Doc McStuffins will not be asked back for another season. Disney...
The Fantasy Google Electronic Medical Record Vs. Reality
Maybe Google needs to be hired for the next generation of electronic medical records. Most of us would appreciate these new changes.
Nurse Ratched Unretires to Become Preschool Nurse
SALEM, OR—Nurse Ratched, the villainous nurse from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest has come out of retirement to become the new nurse at...
CDC Announces Mandatory Journal Club on Vaccines for All Americans
ATLANTA, GA - The Centers for Disease Control announced in a press release today that they would be holding a mandatory journal club about vaccines....
Mayo Secretly Celebrates New #1 Status After Cleveland Clinic Comes Out Anti-Vax
ROCHESTER, MN - The Mayo Clinic recently held a campus-wide party this weekend full of "Number 1" balloons and cakes that said "Mayo #1". ...
Surgeons are Furious! The Bouffant vs. The Skull Cap
For decades, the skull cap has been the surgical cap of choice for many surgeons across the country. Recently, hospitals have begun banning the...
Non-Confrontational Physician Reassures Patient That the Trichomonas Was Probably Just from a Toilet Seat
Not all physicians are great at breaking bad news. One perpetual waffler, Dr. Drew Stapleman, recently reassured his patient that the trichomonads infesting her...
General Practitioner Pilots Rewards Program for Chronic Patients
SEATTLE, WA - Dr. Samuel Sheepman, a general practitioner at Wortley Medical Clinic, has created a new frequent flyer rewards program for chronic illness...
Tired Urologist Mistakes Fire Hydrant for Man with Priapism
SPRUCE PINE, NC - "Wow, I feel like an idiot," said urologist Jason Breckinridge as a crowd surrounded him on the street. Breckinridge is...