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gluten allergy

After Binging on Pizza and Beer, Local Man Claims to Have Gluten Allergy

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BERKELEY, CA – Local resident Charles Longfellow is no stranger to beer.  “A typical weekend I’ll go through a couple cases,” he told reporters...
dumbbells

Mid-Case and Looking for a Workout, Orthopod Asks Scrub Tech for Dumbbells

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LOS ANGELES, CA - Realizing that this little-old lady's hip replacement wasn't giving him the adequate workout and reps he needed, orthopedic surgeon Brock...
ketchup packet

Toddler Goldfish and Ketchup Diet Somehow Working

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MASSACHUSETTS - A new study just released last week in the journal Nutrition demonstrated that the toddler goldfish and ketchup diet is somehow working; they just...

5.8 Million Packers Fans Sign Up to Donate Their Clavicles to Aaron Rodgers

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GREEN BAY, WI - After Aaron Rodgers went down in Sunday's game against the Minnesota Vikings (0 Super Bowl trophies in team history), Packers (5...
confused resident

AAP Announces New Screening Tool for Resident Developmental Delays

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OKLAHOMA CITY, OK – American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) has responded to a request from the American Medical Association (AMA) and constructed a new screening...

Chaos as ICU Attending Touches Defibrillator

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LEBANON, IN – An internal mass casualty incident was declared at Saint Sebastian Hospital on Thursday morning after an ICU physician inadvertently discharged a...
smug medical student gunner med student

Jehovah’s Witness, Vegan-CrossFitting, Essential Oils-Selling Med Student Uncertain How to Open Conversation

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SEATTLE, WA - Local fourth-year medical student, Brody Smugprick, attempted to strike up a conversation with a fellow student at a fair-trade coffee market...
anesthesiologist intubate bored anesthesiologist

Anesthesiologist Blames Surgery for Patient’s Difficult Airway

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BILOXI, MS - In what is believed to be the first time anywhere, local anesthesiologist Arick Lunchbocks blamed general surgeon Bessie Jandle for the...
mars essential oils

Mars Probe Discovers River of Essential Oils

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WASHINGTON:  Surprising revelations keep coming from the red planet, as NASA’s Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter (MRO) was able to direct one of the Mars surface...
dyspnea

FDA Approves FUROSESONEROLAQUINOX for Undifferentiated Dyspnea

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - To the delight of emergency physicians across the country, the Food and Drug Administration has approved the use of a new drug...