Hospital Eliminates July from Calendar, Decreases Mortality 3,000%
BOSTON, MA - Hospital administrators nationwide are hailing a successful new effort described as “downright brilliant” to help curb hospital mortality by eliminating July from...
Mysterious Squiggly Line on Monitor Does Not Actually Correlate with Patient’s Biophysical Data
Recent events in the CICU at riverside Methodist left staff nurse Andy Long perplexed about the respiratory lead from the patient mr Rawlings in...
Pulmonary Team Hypoxic After Climbing Seven Flights of Stairs
NEW YORK, NY - A pulmonary team at New York Medical Center (NYMC) narrowly avoided an overnight ICU stay for BIPAP or ventilator support...
Girlfriend Loses It Over Watching Medical TV Show With RT Boyfriend
Susie Thompson lost her shit late Tuesday night after watching an episode of the CBS medical drama “Code Black” with her boyfriend. Steve Hughes,...
In Cost-Cutting Measure, IV Poles to Be Replaced with Eager Medical Students
BIRMINGHAM, AL - Earlier this week, administrators and health care practitioners at Birmingham Medical Center implemented a new cost-cutting measure that hopes to save...
Santa Claus Aspirates Milk, Cookies after Ignoring NPO Guidelines
NORTH POLE, SOMEWHERE BETWEEN SIBERIA & ALASKA - Christmas has been canceled as Santa Claus fights for his life in the ICU. Thankfully he...
Normal Saline vs. Lactated Ringer’s: Results of a Phase 3 Randomized Quadruple-Blind Clinical Water...
BACKGROUND: The superiority of Lactated Ringer’s solution (LR) or normal saline (NS) in fluid resuscitation in a variety of medical and surgical scenarios remains...
The Most Interesting Man in Medicine
He was admitted to school with a simple nod and a smile.
As a student, his attending would ask him for advice.
The lead surgeon assists...
Hospital Discontinues MRI Screening Forms, Press-Ganey Scores Soar
In a presentation to the American Association of Gullible Hospital Administrators, Shady Practices Medical Centers reported that as a result of numerous satisfaction surveys,...
Framingham Heart Study Researchers Release New Risk Score Abacus
FRAMINGHAM, MA - Boasting that it will be easier than ever to estimate the 10- and 30-year cardiovascular risk of an individual, principle investigators...