Orthopaedic Surgeons in Minnesota Bracing for Landslide of Injuries from Vikings Fans Jumping Off...
MINNEAPOLIS, MN - Following the Vikings loss this weekend, orthopaedic surgeons in the greater Twin Cities area are standing by for an influx of lower...
Med Student Begins Long, Long Climb Up the Totem Pole
SOMEWHERE AT THE BOTTOM BUT DEFINITELY FAR FROM THE TOP - Realizing that the commonly-used phrase to depict medical hierarchies is not a metaphor, first-year...
Sportsmanship FTW! Eagles’ Doc Offers to Amputate Brady’s Injured Hand Before Super Bowl LII
PHILADELPHIA, PA - In a true show of sportsmanship towards the New England Patriots ahead of their February 4 date at Super Bowl LII...
In Attempt to Reach Out to Cards, Medicine Resident Falls Out of Chair
BOSTON, MA - In an aging population that is becoming increasingly complex, it is not uncommon for inpatient primary teams taking care of patients...
86-Year-Old Man Finally Passes Swallowed Gum from Childhood
CINCINNATI, OH – Last Tuesday, against all odds, 86-year-old Gerald Reynolds, finally passed gum swallowed during his childhood. Experts everywhere have stressed to children,...
OB/GYN with Tiny Fingers Has Zero Idea What a Cervix Feels Like
TUCSON, AZ - A retiring obstetrician, who has requested to remain anonymous for this piece, recently issued a public statement of admission. Presumably to...
Surgeon General: Generation of Adults, Unwisely Formula-Fed as Infants, Should Start Getting Breastfed Now
WASHINGTON, DC—Mrs. Beaumont came home early one day last week and walked in on her 50-year-old husband sucking on the nipple of a gorgeous...
Nation to Vote on Which Celebrity to Sacrifice to COVID19 Gods
Who will you vote to eliminate; Miley Cyrus, Malone Post, Kanye West, or all of the Kardashians? All we know is that even if it doesn't stop the virus, America still wins!
100-Year-Old Finally Ready for Discharge from NICU
CENTENNIAL, CO—Yesterday, a 1200-month-old newborn, Sandy Genarian, was finally discharged from the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit of Centennial Medical Center, where he has been...
Easter Not Recognized as Holiday, Riots Ensue at Catholic Hospital
HOSPITAL OF THE RESURRECTION - Religion is not a quiet affair at this institution. Morning and evening prayers are broadcasted over the PA system...