Study: Red Wine in Moderation Good, in Excess Freaking Amazing
ROCHESTER, MN - Wine enthusiasts bust out the Cabernet Sauvignon, Pinot Noir, and other red varietals, and get ready to celebrate! An exciting new study published in JAMA (Journal of Alcoholics & More Alcoholics)...
Popsicle-Induced Brain Freeze: A Rising Epidemic in Pediatric Emergency Departments
LONDON, ON - Airway, Breathing, Circulation... Popsicle. This has been the foundation of pediatric resuscitation for decades. While the model has served pediatricians well, it has recently been challenged by the American Academy of...
Intern Immediately Regrets Asking Open-Ended Question
SAN JOSE, CA - “Hi, Mr. Jones. Tell me about your night,” said by the stupidest, know-nothingest, why-did-I-just-do-that intern, Dr. Austin. Austin, a new intern at HarborHealth immediately regretted asking an open-ended question to...
Breaking: Med Student Saves Patient’s Life Using Krebs Cycle
RALEIGH, NC - In a shocking turn of events in the emergency department this morning, 3rd-year med student Daniel Moder saved a patient’s life using only his knowledge of the Krebs cycle.
At 3 AM...
New Weight Loss Surgery to Bypass Stomach, Mouth Completely
BALTIMORE, MD – Calling the new procedure a “miracle in bariatric surgery,” physicians at John’s Hopkins University spoke at a press conference last Saturday regarding a newly-developed surgical technique for weight loss that bypasses...
National Security of Anesthesiologists Releases New Cell Phone Disabling Device
RESTON, VA - The National Security of Anesthesiologists (NSA), in response to a jury awarding a patient $500,000 after an anesthesiologist was caught on tape trashing them while under sedation for a colonoscopy, has...
Fanduel to Debut Betting on Drunk ED Patients’ Alcohol Levels
LOS ANGELES, CA - Popular daily fantasy sports betting site Fanduel announced today that they will soon be branching out into a new gambling, er….gaming…. arena. Starting in February, Fanduel will be offering real-time...
Rampant Burnout Among Stock Photo Models Who Pose As Burned-Out Doctors
BOCA RATON, FL - The CDC has just released an unsettling report suggesting that stock photo models who pose as burned-out doctors are themselves burning out in record numbers.
Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram, the world's most renowned stock...
Hospital Staff Deciding If Cup at Nurses Station is Filled With Urine-Colored Tea or...
BOCA RATON, FL - The hospital staff at St. Maria-De-Madrigal-Del-Toro-Del-Mar Boca Ratón Community Hospital have spent the last four hours debating whether the unidentified liquid left in a cup at the central nursing station...
The Epic EHR Bartender
Patron: I’d like a beer.
Epic: Wait until I log on… (30 seconds) Welcome to Hyperspace!
Patron: I’d like a beer.
Epic: Pick from this list.
Patron: Hmm… I’ll have a Mirror Pond.
Epic: What size?
Patron: It comes in...
