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rash, maculopapular

Dermatologist’s Ears Bleed While Internist Describes Rash

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NEW YORK, NY - Dermatologist Felicia Randolph was fielding a consult from an internal medicine colleague Martin Ortiz, when halfway through the horrid attempt...
medical students at starbucks

Medical Students Excited to Volunteer for Studies of Ebola Transmission

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SACRAMENTO, CA - In the wake of the CDC’s announcement that we still do not fully understand exactly how the Ebola virus is transmitted, several...
blinded by beauty

Patient Permanently Blinded by Beauty, Ophthalmology Confirms

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ATLANTA, GA - In the emergency room (ER), Emory ophthalmologist Sebastian Fovea confirmed the diagnosis and broke the news to his patient Arnav Patel, who knew...

The Joint Commission, Useless in the Time of COVID, to Mandate N95 Timers

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The Joint Commission’s executive team, fresh off a socially-distanced golf retreat at Pebble Beach, reiterated its commitment to patient safety and unreimbursed hospital spending...
respiratory system secedes capacity

Respiratory System Secedes, Declares Independence from Human Body

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THE HUMAN BODY - In a stunning development that will inevitably alter the balance of power within us all, the respiratory system has successfully...
pick picks picking brain brains

Neurosurgeon Loves Picking Colleagues’ Brains, Taking Biopsies

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BOSTON, MA - Dr. Ramon Rodriguez is an incredibly brilliant neurosurgeon at Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center (BIDMC), and if there's one thing he...
Hurrican JCAHO

Breaking: Hurricane JCAHO to Obliterate All Open Beverage Containers in Its Path

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CAPE VERDE - The National Hurricane Center has detected the most powerful hurricane just yet.  Named Hurricane JCAHO, the projected Category 5 Cape Verde...

Intern Put Into Timeout Cage to Think About What She Did

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EL PASO, TX - New medical intern Lilah Pepper was placed into a timeout cage by her team on rounds earlier today as punishment,...
stethoscope fairy

Medical Student Leaves Stethoscope Somewhere in This Godforsaken Hospital

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HELL - Brian Studebaker, MS3, has left his stethoscope somewhere in this god forsaken hospital for the 85th time, sources confirm.  Studebaker describes his...
mashed potatoes

VA Hospital Honors Decorated Veteran of Three Wars with Free Side of Mashed Potatoes

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INDIANAPOLIS, IN – Veterans Day is a time when our country comes together to honor our military service men and women who have sacrificed...