Fourth-Year Medical Student Unsure if He Should Mention His Parking Ticket on ERAS
PORTLAND, ME - In the already hectic scuttle of fourth year, one medical student is worried about the implications of his recently-received parking ticket...
New Hospital Beds Harder to Figure Out Than Acid-Base
NASHVILLE, TN - Medical staff at Nashville Memorial Hospital are completely baffled by a new fleet of hospital beds on Unit 55-G, saying that...
DIY Furniture Assembly Stress Test Validated in Landmark Trial
PERTH, WESTERN AUSTRALIA - Researchers at the Outback University Hospital have presented data from their landmark DIY-IKEA trial this week, illustrating the benefit of...
Nephrologist Discovers New Electrolyte, Internists Everywhere Rejoice
LONDON, ONTARIO, CANADA – Morning report got much more interesting this week, as nephrologist David Adams fulfilled the unspoken dreams of internists around the...
Stoned Runner Has Super-Duper, Mega-Ultra, Uber-Awesome Runner’s High
BOULDER, CO - 24-year-old Boulder resident Jake Thompson has been running ever since he was in high school. He has a trophy case showcasing...
Psych Ward Temporarily Closes after Admitting a Patient with COPD
Charleston, WV - The Psychiatric Inpatient Unit at Memorial Hospital has temporarily closed due to an unplanned, insidious event. “The day started off as...
ER Hires ‘Dilaudid Nazi’ to Dispense (or Not) Dispense Opioids
ATLANTA, GA - The famous "Soup Nazi" from Seinfeld has been hired by Memorial Hospital’s ER to dispense or not dispense opioids to patients checking...
Urologists Recommend Against Buddy Taping for Penile Fractures
WIENER, AR - Last weekend local man Joseph Peyronie sustained a penile fracture in a tragic mishap involving a lawnmower, a tire swing, and...
Crooked Hillary Actually Suffering From Severe Scoliosis
CHAPPAQUA, NY - Former Democratic Presidential Candidate Hillary Clinton’s Spine Surgeon today revealed that President Donald Trump’s calling her “Crooked Hillary” on the campaign...
Pathologist Makes Patient NPO After Midnight for Autopsy in the Morning
NASHVILLE, TN - In an effort to minimize aspiration and prevent any further delays in management, forensic pathologist Dr. Jason Martin has made his...