Surgical Oncologist Successfully Resects Steve Bannon from National Security Council
WASHINGTON, D.C. - At a press conference at MedStar Georgetown University Hospital early this morning, surgical oncologist Dr. H.R. McMaster was pleased to announce that he...
Hospital Introduces ‘American Diet,’ Patient Satisfaction Soars
LOUISVILLE, KY - Patients and medical staff are abuzz about the University of Louisville Medical Center’s (ULMC) new dietary option: the American diet. It...
In Drastic Cost-Cutting Measure, Local Hospital Restricts Use of Albumin in Landscaping
To help meet financial goals for the upcoming fiscal year, University Hospital administrators voted to implement draconian restriction criteria for the use of albumin...
McDonald’s Introduces Value Meals With Cholesterol and Diabetes Medications Blended In
BOCA RATON, FL - In a landmark move being hailed as "a potential solution to the obesity epidemic" plaguing the U.S., the McDonald's Corporation announced...
Badass Surgeon Performs Whipple While in Tuxedo
AUSTIN, TX - The bar for badassery has been raised a notch, so surgeons take note: veteran general surgeon Bob Cooper has just completed...
October 16, 2015: National Toss Your Pager in the Trash Day
Finally. Pagers are on their way out for good!
To the delight of physicians, physician assistants, nurse practitioners, nurses, and any other health care provider who...
RN Relieved to Find Out That Patient’s Family Member’s Aunt is a Nurse
HASTINGS, CA – Jenny Pasternak, an ICU nurse, was “very worried” about her shift tonight. “I have been working as a nurse for 14 years...
Patient to be “Fullest Code Possible”
KEARNEY, NE - In what should not be considered abnormal in our day and age, the family of Billy Rubin demanded that the 89-year-old...
An Internist’s Guide to STAT Overnight Pages
At 7:30pm: So what’s the discharge plan for this patient?
Follow up: Remind the nurse that you’re the overnight resident and haven’t been attending case...
Unchartered Territory: Doctor Makes Patient NPO After Discharge
DURHAM, NC - Stating that the outside world contains enough variables to make pulmonary aspiration a true and serious risk, hospitalist Mack Reynolds has...