Straight-A Medical Student Eager to One Day Have Very Own Patients Who Completely Ignore...
ST. LOUIS, MO - Expressing that there would be “no greater conceivable opportunity to help others,” top-of-her-class medical student and part-time brownnoser Isabelle Wessington...
USPSTF Recommends Against Getting Kicked in the Balls Repeatedly
BOSTON, MA - In an update of their 2006 recommendation statement, the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force (USPSTF) now recommends against getting kicked, smacked,...
Mesh Underwear Now Under Lock and Key
ATLANTA, GA - Mercy Hospital was forced to place their mesh underwear under lock and key due to staff constantly taking them home for personal...
Resident is “Finally Free” as She is Sentenced to Jail
DALLAS, TX - Olga J. Sampson, a second-year surgical resident, is finally free. She was sentenced yesterday to three months of jail time following her...
New ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ Vaccine Covers All Infections A to Z
ALPHABET CITY, NY—With so many recommended vaccines—MMR, DTaP, IPV, Hib, PCV, RV etc—it can be challenging to remember all their names, let alone when...
Hospital to Reduce Infections by Coating Patients In Anti-Bacterial Ointment
CHICAGO, IL - Chicago General Hospital is beginning a new initiative to reduce infections in the hospital. Dr. Reiff Lightlier, CMO of the hospital,...
Study: The People’s Elbow is the Most Electrifying Move in All of ACLS
HAYWARD, CA - FINALLY! The Rock… HAS COME BACK... to cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR)! A new study in the New England Journal of Sports Entertainment...
Surgeon Passes Out Following OR Fentanyl Exposure, Remainder of OR Staff Unaffected
BOSTON, MA – 94 minutes into what was a routine total knee arthroplasty, Dr. James Nairbear suddenly felt lightheaded and fell backwards landing in...
Controversy Over Surgery Department’s ‘Most Annoying Medical Student’ Award
DALLAS, TX - Dr. Greg Peterson, a chief resident in general surgery, has seen his share of medical students rotate through the surgery service....
Mood Rings Reflect Real Time Patient Satisfaction
COLUMBIA, SC - Due to lagging patient satisfaction scores and frequent complaints, County Hospital administrators are fitting every patient with a mood ring so staff...