California Vaccination Rates Soar with Drone-Delivered Vaccines
SACRAMENTO, CA - California reports rapid increases in its vaccination rates, thanks to a new partnership with Amazon Prime’s drone service.
“For years, we’ve had...
Physician Wins Award for Paying Off Student Loans
WASHINGTON, DC - Health and Human Services Secretary Tom Price was pleased to announce this week that 58-year-old internist Dale Mitchell has been awarded...
Pathologists Running Out of Food (Terms)
SEATTLE, WA - At the national meeting for pathologists, a packed, plenary session on the impending crisis of pathologic terms was held. For years now,...
Bernie Sanders’ Hernia Likely Caused by Strain of Attempting to Lift Up Middle Class
WASHINGTON, D.C. – A source close to the colorectal surgeon who treated Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders for an abdominal hernia this week said...
Strike! Anesthesia Knocks Out 32 Teeth in Masterful Display of Ineptitude
MINNEAPOLIS, MN - Anesthesiology resident Dr. Rex Fumblenuts performed the equivalent of a strike today by knocking out all 32 of his patient's teeth...
New Study Characterizes Metastatic Potential of Malignant Attendings
ROCHESTER, NY - Results of a new study have been released which describe for the first time the metastatic potential of malignant attendings. “We’ve known...
“Rewards” Program for Frequent Flyers Includes Unlimited, Complimentary Discharges
ATLANTA, GA - Atlanta University Hospital (AUH) has unveiled a new tiered hospital rewards program for frequent flyers that provides numerous benefits, including free...
Nasogastric Broccoli, Brussels Sprouts Recommended for Children Who Refuse to Eat Vegetables
With parents struggling to get their kids to eat their vegetables, some doctors have developed a new workaround.
“We used to just use nasogastric (NG)...
Texas Execution Delayed Due to Inmate’s NPO Status
DALLAS, TX – For the third time this week a Texas execution was canceled due to the prison inmate #474901’s NPO status. "Someone’s got...
Johnson & Johnson Doubles Down With 100% Asbestos Baby Powder
NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ - Despite stocks plummeting 11% after a Reuters report claimed the company knew asbestos has been in its baby powder for...