Friday, August 7, 2020

Full Articles

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mrsa spider

Devious MRSA Spider Bites Yet Another Antecubital Fossa, Remains at Large

GASTONIA, NC - Following an all-too-familiar recent theme, a new patient was assaulted last week by a psychotic spider rampaging through the South. Earl Wayne Thompson, 31, presented to Our Lady of Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy...
physician on toilet paper coffee sit-to-sh*t 29 seconds

Gastroenterologist Paged Record 35 Times While in Restroom

KANSAS CITY, MO - In a stark development it has been reported that earlier this morning during a five-minute bathroom break, Dr. Timothy McFadden, a Gastroenterologist of Mount Sinai, was paged a record thirty-five times during...
nurse station

Beverage Container Left Open at Nurses Station, Three Dead as a Result

SAN FRANCISCO, CA - In a tragic tale of "I told you so," three nurses died overnight at Mercy Hospital as a result of eating food and leaving open beverages at the nurses station.  The...
ortho consults infectious disease

Orthopedics Consults Infectious Diseases for Potential Computer Virus

NEW ORLEANS, LA - Dr. Joseph Dell of Orthopedic Surgery was hoping it would be a calm day; no surgeries were scheduled and his clinic schedule today was surprisingly light.  After two months of...

Obama Replaces Surgeon General with Nurse Practitioner General

WASHINGTON, D.C. - At a hastily-gathered press conference here today, President Obama announced that effective immediately, Surgeon General Rear Admiral (RADM) Boris D. Lushniak, MD, MPH, would be replaced by a 15-year veteran surgical...

Medical Team Confused as Patient Made DNR Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays

NEW ORLEANS, LA - Members of a multidisciplinary inpatient team at Tulane University left a family meeting this morning scratching their heads, as they honored their patient and family’s unusual wish to make the...

Hospital’s Electronic Health Record to Be Replaced by New, Efficient ‘Paper Chart’ System

NEW YORK, NY – Citing slow load times, confusing menu structure, and overall frustration with the user interface, St. Barnaby’s Hospital has announced that the old electronic health record (EHR) will be replaced with a...
registered nurses

Hospital Administrators Rename RNs to ‘Refreshments and Narcotics’

TAMPA, FL - In order to comply with new government healthcare regulations involving patient satisfaction, hospital administrators at Tampa Memorial Cross Hospital have decided to rename registered nurses (RNs) to a more appropriate title, “Refreshments and...
medicine resident

Tired Medicine Resident Writes 1 Progress Note About 15 Patients

BALTIMORE, MD - A third-year medicine resident at Johns Hopkins University, Geno Smulison, completely exhausted from a busy inpatient teaching service this month and struggling to stay afloat with two interns off today, decided...

Orthopedic Surgeon Finds Strange Sound with Stethoscope, Striker Rep Unable to Determine Source of...

PITTSBURGH, PA – Dr. Harry Bonecutter, a prominent orthopedic surgeon at Pittsburgh Health, identified a strange noise emanating from a patient which he could not identify.  The incident occurred in his office during a...