Patient in Room 3 Worried After Code Blues in 1, 2, 4 & 5
ATLANTA, GA - “Oh God oh God oh God!” is what Tim McConnell said to himself in a fit of paranoia after a fourth Code Blue was announced overhead in the past 2 hours....
Area Doctor Obtains ‘DNR’ Tattoos At Every Central Venous Access Point After Stint at...
BOCA RATON, FL - After briefly working at a rehab facility, traumatized area physician Dr. Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram rushed to a local tattoo parlor to have "DNR" permanently tattooed to every potential central venous access point on...
American Red Cross Creates American Brown Cross for Fecal Transplant Donations
WASHINGTON, DC - Despite increasing clinician awareness and education as well as instituting universal gloving procedures, hospital-associated Clostridium difficile infections have continued to be a major source of morbidity and mortality in the United...
Post-Cardiac Arrest Fonzie Not Eligible for Therapeutic Hypothermia, “He’s Already Too Cool”
MILWAUKEE, WI - The critical care service at Sweet Sweet Mercy Hospital has denied Fonzie a potentially life-saving intervention. He recently suffered an out of hospital cardiac arrest, and after he was successfully resuscitated,...
Diagnostic Criteria for a ‘Train Wreck’ Patient
How does one identify a train wreck? GomerBlog polled 1,000,000 health care providers in the last 48 hours and the general consensus is that, of the following, 1 MAJOR plus 2 MINOR criteria are...
Tips: How to Pronounce a Difficult Drug Name Without Choking, Aspirating, Dying
Last month, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (“The” FDA) approved the efficacious and unpronounceable idarucizumab (also known, thankfully, as Praxbind) to reverse the anticoagulant effects of Pradaxa in emergencies. That got us to...
Area Lactose-Intolerant Holistic Practitioner Has Severe Lactic Acidosis
SEPSIS BUNDLE HOSPITAL, CO - Area holistic practitioner Suzi Budzinsky-Donnitz-Sham-Meyers CPA, PhD, RN was unfortunately hospitalized today. While she has been severely lactose intolerant for her entire life, it was reported her current serum lactic...
Massachusetts ICU Nurse Wins Powerball, Uses Patient’s Vital Signs as Lucky Numbers
CAMBRIDGE, MA - Local ICU nurse Debbie Watson called in rich this morning after winning the historic Powerball.
When nobody claimed a the Powerball winnings of over $900 million, Debbie knew how to beat the...
Updated 2016 Hospital Crash Cart Recommendations
ATLANTA, GA - The crash cart is indispensable during cardiopulmonary arrest. However, their contents are not standardized. In a much needed remedy to this situation, the American Board of Crash Carts (ABCC) released updated...
After-Christmas Special: Buy a Hoverboard, Get a Free Visit to the ED
Emergency departments all across the globe are swamped in what can only be deemed as the best deal in holiday history. Thousands of men, women and children have evaded their rooms after hovering through...