Wednesday, August 5, 2020

Hematology-Oncology

Hospital Having Difficulty in Training New Employee, ‘Mr. Dracula’

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NEW BEDFORD, CT – Merryview Community Hospital recently hired a local man named “Mr. Dracula” as a phlebotomist for their laboratory division and their decision has turned out to be a nightmare. “His credentials were unrivaled...
aorta

Laboratory Technician Decides to Delay ‘Stat’ Blood Test Result Due to Excessive Pestering

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INDIANA – Today a laboratory technician at Holy Cross Hospital decided enough was enough and took matters into his own hands.  At 5:42 a.m. a STAT complete blood count (CBC) was ordered on a...
tour de france

As Tour Winds Down, Epo Shortage Ends

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FRANCE - The Tour de France ends July 21st and nephrologist Dr. Ron Goldman couldn't be happier.  He told reporters, "The Tour  couldn't have ended at a better time.  I think we are completely out...
staph staff

Chuck Norris Vs. Super Bacteria: Norris Wins

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DALLAS, TX – A new super bacteria has emerged in the world and it is feared to be one of most dangerous bugs to date.  It’s name is HN2483 and there is no antibiotic...
red blood cells

Hematologists Award Lance Armstrong Gold Medal de Excellence

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AUSTIN, TX - On the eve of the historic 100th running of the Tour de France in Corsica, Lance Armstrong is making history again.  The American Society of Hematology (ASH) has released a statement...

Thawed Medieval Surgeon Still Prescribing Too Much Bloodletting Despite All the Evidence

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MUNICH, GERMANY - Lord Lockwell was recently discovered in the Bavarian Alps near the German-Switzerland border in a small town called Konstanz.  Due to great scientific advances in thawing, cloning, and re-animation of woolly...

Errant Drug Rep Brings Fava Bean Salad to G6PD Conference

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SAN DIEGO, CA - The 23rd annual G6PD-Deficiency Awareness Conference kicked off yesterday at the conference center downtown.  Over 10,000 people from across the world afflicted with the disease were in attendance for the event. Chaos...
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