Hematologists Award Lance Armstrong Gold Medal de Excellence
AUSTIN, TX - On the eve of the historic 100th running of the Tour de France in Corsica, Lance Armstrong is making history again. The American Society of Hematology (ASH) has released a statement...
Hospital Having Difficulty in Training New Employee, ‘Mr. Dracula’
NEW BEDFORD, CT – Merryview Community Hospital recently hired a local man named “Mr. Dracula” as a phlebotomist for their laboratory division and their decision has turned out to be a nightmare.
“His credentials were unrivaled...
As Tour Winds Down, Epo Shortage Ends
FRANCE - The Tour de France ends July 21st and nephrologist Dr. Ron Goldman couldn't be happier. He told reporters, "The Tour couldn't have ended at a better time. I think we are completely out...
Local Woman: ‘I Need All My Labs Drawn’
EAST LANSING, MI – Local patient Sheryl Harris came to clinic today with a chief complaint of "I need all my labs drawn."
When questioned what specific labs she was referring to, she responded, "All...
Tips: How to Perform a Spinal Tap on a Moving Train
I have to admit: spinal taps (lumbar punctures) are not one of my favorite procedures to perform. I’m fairly certain our patients don’t enjoy them either. Now imagine performing the procedure on a high-speed...
God Denies Involvement in Cancer Treatment and Recovery
HOPE VALLEY, CA -Twenty months after being diagnosed with lung cancer, 67-year-old Denise Dewberry has been declared cancer-free by her doctors. She claims her cure to be the work of God.
God says otherwise.
In a...
Cancer Drug Delayed 2 Years Due to Licensing Deal
Boston, MA – Astra-Nomical has delayed their wonder cancer drug, Fizamax (ferazepatab), again. This time up to 2 years because of promotional disputes.
“We were in late talks with Lucasfilm to have their new Jedi...
Alternative Blood Bank Offers Homeopathic Blood Products
PORTLAND, OR - More and more primary care physicians have been embracing the curative powers of alternative medicine in their practice. Unfortunately, few options exist in critical care settings, where doctors have been forced...
1 in 4 Americans Have No Emergency Savings in Their Blood Banks
WASHINGTON, DC - According to a yearly survey by the American Red Cross, more than 25% of Americans in 2014 have no emergency savings in their blood banks. Of those who do have emergency savings,...
Research Indicates All Bleeding Stops Eventually
BETHESDA, MD - According to sources at the NIH, yes, it is true: all bleeding stops. This insight came to much relief of general surgery intern, Mercedes Bagger, who provided first-hand testimonial to this truth last...
