SARSbola!!!!!!
Publicists for SARS-CoV-2 and Ebola have announced that the two highly sought after A-list viruses are now joining forces to become this year’s newest power couple.
But that’s not even the biggest bombshell. That’s right:...
Doctors shocked to discover patient with low pain tolerance
PHILADELPHIA, PA - Dr. John Payne, an orthopaedist at the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia just announced a shocking discovery he made yesterday, while in his clinic. "I was seeing patients, just like any other...
No Prone Unturned: Critical Care Fellow Empirically Prones Everyone
During this unprecedented surge of COVID-induced lung injury, many critical care providers have been brushing up on their ARDS management. But one physician is being be a little more proactive. In recent weeks, Pulmonary/Critical...
Breaking News: Scientists Almost Know What the ‘V’ in COVID Stands For
TULSA, OK- In a major update in the race for a vaccine for COVID-19, we have learned of a promising development from the scientific research community.
In what is being described as “groundbreaking”, just mere...
ABIM Rewrites Board Exam: All Questions Now Covid-19-Related
PHILADELPHIA, PA—Recognizing that no other diseases matter anymore, the American Board of Internal Medicine (ABIM) is rewriting its entire 2020 exam so that every single question pertains to Covid-19.
“Why would we care if our...
Criminals Decry “Cultural Appropriation” by Masked Civilians
The latest CDC recommendations for all U.S. citizens to wear face masks when in public has created backlash from an unexpected quarter: career criminals.
Long accustomed to wearing masks to conduct their unlawful business, the...
Departmental Didactics Migrated to Jerkmate.com
In light of the ongoing Covid-19 pandemic and the need for social distancing, your department announced today that all future didactics will be conducted remotely via Jerkmate.com.
“This is a challenging time to be a...
Cursed 110-Year-Old Describes Living Through Both Spanish Flu & Coronavirus Pandemics
NEW YORK, NY—Calling herself the unluckiest woman ever, 110-year-old Dottie Livingston is one of the few people who has been alive for both the Spanish influenza and Coronavirus pandemics.
“I just can’t catch a break,”...
Citing Principle of Autonomy, AHA Recommends Patients Run Own Codes
ALLAS, TX—A major principle of medical ethics is that of autonomy, which states that patients should be highly involved in decisions regarding their health care. In an effort to better comply with this essential...
Medical Journals Abandon Editorial Standards to Publish 5th Grader’s Book Report
In an unprecedented move medical journals across academia have done away with quality requirements to make data available to physicians on the frontlines as quickly as possible. It began with the International Journal of...