Cafeteria’s Salmonella Special Particularly Tasty Today
MIAMI, FL - Staff at Miami Medical Center are impressed with the hospital cafeteria's offerings today, which include the usual stalwarts like the Burnt...
Doctors Become Obsessed When Elderly Lady Doesn’t Obsess About Her Bowels
Elderly Columbus resident Annette Smith was deemed mentally unfit after a recent hospitalization because she didn't even realize she was supposed to shit every...
Maroon 5 Admitted to Hospital with 5 Maroon Stools
LOS ANGELES, CA - Maroon 5 is hospitalized at UCLA Medical Center after collectively experiencing 5 maroon-colored stools, including lead singer and NBC’s The...
Heroic Hospital Administrator Rushes To Dying Patient To Complete Core Measures
BOCA RATON, FL - Hospital administrators across the country are recognizing the heroic efforts of Chlöe Less, Assistant Director of Quality Control at Madre...
Honesty FTW! Physician Signs Note “Thanks for the Sh*tty Consult”
BOSTON, MA - Making no attempt to hide his obvious displeasure in what was a "late" and "totally bogus" consult, infectious diseases fellow Luke...
Lost Your Car in the Hospital Garage? Order a Consult
If it has happened once, it has happened a million times: you forgot where you parked. It is the end of the day and...
Desperate Officials Offer Deal to Twentysomethings: If You Wear a Mask, You Can Ditch...
BEAR, DE—In an admirable attempt to incentivize mask-wearing amongst America’s twentysomethings, who are thought to be driving the summer resurgence of Covid-19 due to...
Review: Lesser-Known Types of Enemas
Constipation is prevalent in hospitalized patients. Systematic reviews have shown that 99.7% of patients are constipated from prolonged bedrest or medication side effects,...
Study: Doctors Can’t Operate an IV Infusion Pump Even If Life Depended On It
BALDWIN, NY - A new study in the New England Journal of Alaris (NEJA) confirmed something we knew all along: doctors can't operate an IV...
Interventional Radiologist Uses Dental Floss, Chewing Gum to Fix Broken Pipe in Kitchen Sink
NEW YORK, NY - Newly-minted interventional radiology attending Dr. Marcus Jones scored a personal victory today when he successfully mended a leaking pipe leading...