After Binging on Pizza and Beer, Local Man Claims to Have Gluten Allergy
BERKELEY, CA – Local resident Charles Longfellow is no stranger to beer. “A typical weekend I’ll go through a couple cases,” he told reporters...
Patient Placed on 4,000 Liters by Nasal Cannula
SPOKANE, WA - Sometimes you have to think outside the box. That's exactly what a rapid response team did this morning: In a...
WHO: Coronavirus Successfully Contained to Planet Earth
GENEVA, SWITZERLAND - At a televised press conference this morning, the World Health Organization (WHO) announced that they have successfully contained the deadly virus...
Forgot-to-Pee Syndrome Afflicting Millions of Health Care Workers
WASHINGTON, DC - The Journal of the American National Society, Committee, and Association of Urinary Retention and Other Things Too (JANSCAUROTT) estimates that nearly...
Healthcare Worker on Dumb Family Member Violence Increases by 86% in Recent Months
Starting in March 2020, an alarming trend has been noted across all police precincts in the United States. Healthcare workers have been committing violent...
Charting Complication: Hospitalist Develops Stage 4 Sacral Decub
BOSTON, MA - Hospitalist Sofia Candelaria was simply being a good hospitalist by spending 90% of her day documenting things that needed to be...
ICUs Convert to Starbuck Sizes for Fluid Management
In an effort to stay current with a younger generation of doctors and nurses, the American Association of Critical Care Medicine (AACCM) has altered...
Oncologist Dr. Trump: Making Your Body Great Again
NEW YORK, NY - Dr. Trump makes his rounds through the halls of NYU's hospital and you can overhear his barking: "Cisplatin you're FIRED,...
Criminals Decry “Cultural Appropriation” by Masked Civilians
The latest CDC recommendations for all U.S. citizens to wear face masks when in public has created backlash from an unexpected quarter: career criminals.
Long...