CDC Offers to Make Thousands of Flawed Ventilators
ATLANTA, GA - To atone for the release of flawed testing kits for the detection of novel coronavirus, the Centers for Disease Control &...
Fantasy Medicine: Who’s Hot, Who’s Not
Before July 1, many of this year’s rookie class were considered average at best and were rarely selected in any rounds of fantasy leagues...
WHO: Coronavirus Successfully Contained to Planet Earth
GENEVA, SWITZERLAND - At a televised press conference this morning, the World Health Organization (WHO) announced that they have successfully contained the deadly virus...
After Rapid Response, Hospital Administration Organizes Rapid Satisfaction Team
Mr. Cheapest Executive Officer at Lord Have Mercy Hospital is one serious CEO who is always concerned about addressing all the whims of the...
Pain Detector Gives Actual Pain Score
JERSEY CITY, NJ - A great new invention coined PAIN, short for Pain Acquiring Instrument Neat-O, is starting to be utilized in ERs across the...
Orthopods Now Offering Virtual Bro-fit Classes
Chicago, IL - Orthopaedists always figured their specialty was science-proof. "One day we will have a cure for heart disease, and the cure for...
Newly’Appointed ‘Ebola Czar’ Quarantines Entire Navy After Learning Ebola Can Be Transmitted by Semen
WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a bold first move since his recent appointment by President Obama as “Ebola Czar,” Ron Klain will quarantine the entire U.S....
Local Man Presents to Urgent Care, Complaining of ‘Caulk Stuck to Hands,’ Oblivious to...
SIOUX CITY, IA - Benjamin Dover, 43, a painter in Sioux City, Iowa, reports being greeted with "smirks and laughter" upon his recent visit...
Staph Aureus Bacterium Ridiculed by for Still Being Sensitive to Methicillin
A single, sad Staph Aureus bacterium has been shunned from its colony for still being sensitive to methicillin in the year 2019.
“Apparently it didn’t...
Cardiologists Now Deploying Bacon-Eluting Stents
NASHVILLE, TN - Unfazed by the obesity epidemic and the glorious number of unhealthy choices at their disposal, Americans are always looking for innovative, quicker ways...