Hospital Administrators Consider Renaming MDs to “Morphine & Dilaudid”
TAMPA, FL - Following the immense success of renaming registered nurses (RNs) to “Refreshments & Narcotics,” hospital administrators at Tampa Memorial Cross Hospital (TMCH)...
ABIM Sponsors New Game Show: Who Wants to be Certified a Million Years?
PHILADELPHIA, PA—Unable to develop a recertification exam that is satisfactory to all, the American Board of Internal Medicine (ABIM) now seems to be trying...
European Society of Cardiology Recommends Aspirin Before World Cup Final Kickoff
MOSCOW, RUSSIA - Heeding the advice of the European Society of Cardiology (ESC) ahead of the 2018 FIFA World Cup Final at Luzhniki Stadium...
Investigation Reveals Dilaudid Manufactured From Unicorn Tears
Reports from a three year long undercover investigation reveal that Pharmagen has been manufacturing dilaudid using a tremendous volume of unicorn tears. The 3,000...
Government to Mandate Scale-Operated Doors at All American Buffet Restaurants
WASHINGTON, DC - At the urging of First Lady Michelle Obama, the POTUS has issued an executive order aimed at curtailing the staggering rates...
Cooped Up MRI Machine Requests Ativan for Claustrophobia
LOS ANGELES, CA - An MRI scanner that has been cooped up in the radiology department at Olive View-UCLA Medical Center for the past...
Orthopaedic Surgeons Attempting to “Re-learn” ICU Things 🤦♂️
San Diego, CA - In light of the ongoing COVID19 Pandemic, physicians of all walks of life are preparing to be called upon to...
Rampant Burnout Among Stock Photo Models Who Pose As Burned-Out Doctors
BOCA RATON, FL - The CDC has just released an unsettling report suggesting that stock photo models who pose as burned-out doctors are themselves...
Hematologists Award Lance Armstrong Gold Medal de Excellence
AUSTIN, TX - On the eve of the historic 100th running of the Tour de France in Corsica, Lance Armstrong is making history again....
