PGY-1 Writes Admission Note That Does Not Contain a Single English Word
PGY1 IM H&P
HPI:
54M w/ MMP incl. COPD, HFrEF, stg. IV SSC (?1°, w/ mets to LLL c/b CAP x 3, mets to L-S c/b...
Tired Critical Care Fellow Accidentally Intubates Patient’s Rectum
ATLANTA, GA - “Well, this is very embarrassing,” explained pulmonary & critical care fellow Eric Jennings to his colleagues on morning rounds, as he...
Man Gives Frozen Nintendo Cartridge 2 Rescue Breaths
LOS ANGELES, CA - In a desperate attempt to salvage his copy of Super Mario Bros, L.A. native and first-year University of California at Los...
New Interns Looming: Hospitals Desperately Race to End Pandemic by July 1st
WASHINGTON, DC—If you thought the Coronavirus pandemic was bad right now, just wait until July 1st, the date most new medical school graduates begin...
“Bieber Fever” Determined to Be Neurosyphilis
CAMBRIDGE, MA – Scientists have been investigating an outbreak that has been sweeping over the world the past several years that has been coined...
Tips: How to Pronounce a Difficult Drug Name Without Choking, Aspirating, Dying
Last month, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (“The” FDA) approved the efficacious and unpronounceable idarucizumab (also known, thankfully, as Praxbind) to reverse the...
Medical Students Excited to Volunteer for Studies of Ebola Transmission
SACRAMENTO, CA - In the wake of the CDC’s announcement that we still do not fully understand exactly how the Ebola virus is transmitted, several...
Breaking: Numerical BMI to be Replaced by Pass/Fail
Atlanta, Georgia - In a surprise announcement that has stunned medical professionals across the country, the Centers for Disease Control has announced that BMI...
Cardiologist Validates ‘Time to Burrito Consumption’ as Reasonable Cardiac Risk Stratification Tool
MOBILE, AL - Local cardiologist Dr. Mona Bee has just published a brand new risk stratification tool for coronary artery disease and her patients...
Toxicologist Bell Biv DeVoe Confirms: ‘That Girl is Poison’
BOSTON, MA - After "sensing something strange in my mind" for a few days now, Boston emergency physician and toxiciologist Dr. Bell Biv DeVoe has...