Desperate Officials Offer Deal to Twentysomethings: If You Wear a Mask, You Can Ditch...
BEAR, DE—In an admirable attempt to incentivize mask-wearing amongst America’s twentysomethings, who are thought to be driving the summer resurgence of Covid-19 due to...
Researchers Discover Length of “A While”
ST. LOUIS, MO - It turns out, when a patient’s symptoms have been present for “a while,” they began about 4.2 months ago.
So say researchers...
Flawed Swiss Cheese Model Dropped for More Delicious Mozzarella One
SAN JOSE, CA - For years, the Swiss Cheese model has been used to explain bad outcomes in healthcare, stating that each layer of defense...
Physical Exam Tips: The Lungs
Examining one lung is hard enough, but two of them??!! TWO??!! UGHHHHH!! This is so much work! If you only have the stamina to...
New Weight Loss Surgery to Bypass Stomach, Mouth Completely
BALTIMORE, MD – Calling the new procedure a “miracle in bariatric surgery,” physicians at John’s Hopkins University spoke at a press conference last Saturday...
Hospital Makes Ultimate Economic Move: Quits Credentialing Doctors
In a surprising move today, Nevercare General Hospital announced that it will close its medical staff office and stop credentialing doctors.
"It only makes sense," said...
New Hospital Policy Aims to Punish Patients for Lying
ORLANDO, FL – Have you ever been a victim of a lying patient, such as someone who lies about the intensity of their pain...
Rand Paul’s Medical Credibility Lowered to Jenny McCarthy’s Level
KENTUCKY - In a shocking statement released today by Rand Paul, a well-respected Kentucky senator and ophthalmologist, he believes vaccines can lead to "mental...
Discharged Patient on Contact Precautions in Hospital, Spotted at Local Grocery Store
BALTIMORE, MD – 63-year-old Clarence Deeters was recently discharged from Mercy Hospital after being admitted and treated for urosepsis. While in the hospital for over...