Citing Principle of Autonomy, AHA Recommends Patients Run Own Codes
ALLAS, TX—A major principle of medical ethics is that of autonomy, which states that patients should be highly involved in decisions regarding their health...
Graduating Resident Gives Finger to Every Attending in Department Before Leaving
Dr. Will Chou, a graduating internal medicine resident, perfected his time management skills and was able to locate every single attending in his department...
Breaking: Mr. Peanut Allergic to Himself
PITTSBURGH, PA - Unfortunate news today as the Kraft Heinz Company announced that one of its most beloved mascots, Planters' Mr. Peanut, has been...
FDA Rejects Rapid COVID-19 Test in Favor of Slow-as-Balls One
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has rejected the first rapid COVID-19 test that could produce results with an hour in...
New Dora the Malingerer Series to Win Over Canceled Doc McStuffins Fans
ORLANDO, FL - Children and health care practitioners worldwide are still reeling after the forced resignation of Doc McStuffins. Though Disney’s spin-off Admin McBriefcase...
The Joint Commission Freshens Image, Rebrands Itself ‘The Joint’
OAKBROOK TERRACE, IL - The Joint Commission announced on Tuesday that in an effort to freshen its image, it will now simply be known...
Clinic Nurse and Doctor Suffer Burnout, Spontaneously Combust
MIAMI, FL - Staff at Miami Health Clinic are mourning the loss of two well-loved and respected colleagues, Nurse Michelle Boosh and Dr. George...
Gomer To Be Discharged From Medical Floor Soon As ER Bed Opens Up
PHILADELPHIA, PA—Ms. Roberta Flowers, well-known to Philadelphia General Hospital staff as a gomer, has successfully been treated for “pneumonia” and is ready to be...
Endocrinologist: Small Mario Suffering from Mushroom Deficiency
WORLD 1-1 - Problem solved: After a battery of tests (including colonoscopy), an endocrinologist at World 1-1 Medical Center has discovered and informed Small Mario...
Al Qaeda Claims Responsibility For Patient Satisfaction Surveys
GUANTANAMO BAY, CUBA - A detainee with confirmed ties to Al Qaeda made claims yesterday that the group operates an American corporation designed to...