California Vaccination Rates Soar with Drone-Delivered Vaccines
SACRAMENTO, CA - California reports rapid increases in its vaccination rates, thanks to a new partnership with Amazon Prime’s drone service.
“For years, we’ve had...
Fantasy Medicine: Who’s Hot, Who’s Not
Before July 1, many of this year’s rookie class were considered average at best and were rarely selected in any rounds of fantasy leagues...
High Patient Satisfaction Scores, Key Elements for Success
Over 23,000 hospital patients were polled to help determine what factors are considered important for patients when it comes to their satisfaction at hospitals. Knowing...
United Airlines Asked to Forcibly Remove Patient from Hospital
CHICAGO, IL - Local patient Sam Johnson, who is being "taken care of" at Mercy Hospital, has not been able to leave for 7 months....
Hospital Administrators Announce Summer Camp Itinerary
To combat falling patient satisfaction scores and record staff turnover administration at Grace Disciple Advent Mother Mary Incarnate Theresa hospital (G-DAMMIT) has scheduled a...
ER Hires ‘Dilaudid Nazi’ to Dispense (or Not) Dispense Opioids
ATLANTA, GA - The famous "Soup Nazi" from Seinfeld has been hired by Memorial Hospital’s ER to dispense or not dispense opioids to patients checking...
The Makers of the Ativan Diffuser Announce Ground Breaking New Product
Capitalizing on their previous success throughout the healthcare world by the H-Vape 86, the makers of the Ativan Diffuser have begun selling their new...
Scientists Perfect the No-Wipe Poop
BLOOMINGTON, IL – Scientists at Fermi-Labs have discovered something more remarkable and useful to the human race than the God Particle: no-wipe poops. Dan...
Local Hospital Adds Overpriced Coffee to Patient Bowel Regimen Protocol with Fantastic Results
SEATTLE, WA - Seattle Memorial Hospital has dramatically reduced their rates of post-operative ileus and opioid-induced constipation by requiring that all patient bowel regimens...
Samsung Galaxy Pager Explodes, Intern in Critical Condition
DURHAM, NC – An internal medicine intern Becky Lambert is in critical condition today after her Samsung Galaxy pager overheated and exploded. The incident occurred at...