Medical Center Repurposes Hospital Clowns to Act as Clinical Exam Chaperones
In an attempt to adjust to the diminishing enthusiasm of sick children for clowns, a small hospital in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania has begun repurposing its...
Ben Carson: Heart Attack Victims Could Have Survived If They Cathed Own Coronaries
DETROIT, MI - According to retired neurosurgeon and presidential hopeful Ben Carson, patients who have died due to acute myocardial infarctions or “heart attacks”...
PA Furious for Being Mistaken for Nurse, Struggles to Explain She’s Not a Physician
CHICAGO, IL - Physician assistant (PA) Susan Jonesby was doing morning discharge planning for her employer Galen-Vaselius Orthopaedics when tragedy of unimaginable proportions ruined...
Atlanta Uses Heparin Bridge for Collapsed, Subtherapeutic Part of I-85
ATLANTA, GA - Nearly 24 hours after a massive fire engulfed and collapsed a section of I-85 Northbound near Piedmont Road, rendering it subtherapeutic and...
Hypoxemic Blue Journal Oxygenated Back to a Healthy Pink
NEW YORK, NY - The chronically-hypoxemic Blue Journal, also known as the American Journal of Respiratory and Critical Care Medicine, has finally been adequately...
Hospital Makes Ultimate Economic Move: Quits Credentialing Doctors
In a surprising move today, Nevercare General Hospital announced that it will close its medical staff office and stop credentialing doctors.
"It only makes sense," said...
Patient Dissatisfied with Noise Level of Code Blue
ANN ARBOR, MI – Following a prolonged code of her roommate, 46-year-old patient Karen Evans ranked her overall patient care experience as “below average.”
On...
Internist Trampled to Death by Herd of Wild Zebras
ST. LOUIS, MO - Sad news today as a local internal medicine physician was trampled to death by a herd of wild zebras while...
FDA Bans Any Narcotic with the Letter ‘D’ In It
ATLANTA, GA - The Food & Drug Administration (FDA) finally came to its senses today by agreeing to ban any narcotic that contains the...
The Zodiac Sign Cancer Undergoes First Round of Chemotherapy
THE SKY ABOVE - Cancer, one of the twelve constellations of the zodiac, is undergoing its first round of chemotherapy at Beta Cancri Medical...