Study: Doctors Can’t Operate an IV Infusion Pump Even If Life Depended On It
BALDWIN, NY - A new study in the New England Journal of Alaris (NEJA) confirmed something we knew all along: doctors can't operate an IV...
Physician Still Hasn’t Received Her Big-Pharma Payout
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Newly-minted attending physician, Dr. Lindsay Moliarty, has a pile of bills to pay: $200,000 in student loans that has accrued...
In Effort to Contain Coronavirus, CDC Urges Americans to Abstain from Breathing for 2...
ATLANTA, GA—Citing the effectiveness of sex abstinence in preventing sexually-transmitted infections like HIV, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has strongly advised...
In Last-Ditch Effort, Federal Reserve Gives Crashing U.S. Stocks 1 Amp of Bicarb
NEW YORK, NY - In a truly last-ditch effort to prevent U.S. stocks from crashing, the Federal Reserve Bank of New York has asked...
“Study: Antibiotics improve satisfaction scores among patients with viral illnesses”
NORWALK, OH – A 10-year, multisite study was published Monday in the Journal of Urgent Care Medicine (JUCM) that may change the way infectious...
New Program Teaches Patients to Drug-Seek More Cost-Effectively
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS) under a new Congressional mandate to design programs to cut costs and reduce...
Joint Commission Shuts Down McStuffins Clinic for Violations
BURBANK, CA - Just on the heels of an amazing comeback, the Disney Channel has now stopped patient care operations in the backyard playhouse clinic of...
CDC Advises Robert De Niro To Be Sent To Jail Until Deemed Safe
ATLANTA, GA - Last week Robert De Niro pushed for the Andrew Wakefield (yes, that Wakefield) film Vaxxed to be screened. "We need to have the...
Breaking: Admitting Service Forgets to Ask ED Physician, “What Do You Expect Me to...
JACKSON, MI – In a stunning display of forgetfulness, the admitting hospitalist at Mercy Hospital has forgotten to snarkily reply to an admission request...