HDL Cholesterol Breaks Bad, Tired of Always Being the “Good” On
ALBUQUERQUE, NM—High-density lipoprotein (HDL) cholesterol, the so-called “good” cholesterol that helpfully clears away cholesterol deposits from arteries, is tired of always being the good...
Director of CME Conference in Hawaii Caught Off Guard When Participants Actually Show Up
WAILEA, HI—Jay Morgan, director of a popular annual CME conference in Hawaii, was caught off guard last week when participants actually showed up expecting...
Hospitalists Aim to Place All Americans by 2020
PHILADELPHIA, PA - The Society of Hospital Medicine (SHM) has announced a new multibillion-dollar PBP initiative, which stands for "Place, Baby, Place!", with the...
New Weight Loss Surgery to Bypass Stomach, Mouth Completely
BALTIMORE, MD – Calling the new procedure a “miracle in bariatric surgery,” physicians at John’s Hopkins University spoke at a press conference last Saturday...
Three Wise Monkeys Support CDC Opioid Guidelines: ‘See No Dilaudid, Hear No Dilaudid, Speak...
NIKKO, JAPAN - For the first time in centuries, the three wise monkeys have spoken. In an exclusive and brief statement to GomerBlog, the...
Another Monolith Found Within Patient’s Left Kidney
Salt Lake City, UT – After reports of a mysterious monolith appearing in the desert of southeastern Utah, followed by similar structures recently found...
Meet CrossSh*t, The High-Intensity Bowel Program
SANTA CRUZ, CA - The founders of CrossFit Greg Glassman and Lauren Jenai have announced the creation of a new strength and conditioning program to...
New Female Libido Pill to Hit Shelves
ATLANTA, GA - A new female libido pill is expected to hit shelves this week called Pamper. The pill is designed to put that flame...
The Joint Commission, Useless in the Time of COVID, to Mandate N95 Timers
The Joint Commission’s executive team, fresh off a socially-distanced golf retreat at Pebble Beach, reiterated its commitment to patient safety and unreimbursed hospital spending...
Doctor Horrified to Learn That Today’s Actually Thursday, Not Friday
NEW YORK, NY - Colleagues are watching in stunned silence as Mount Sinai Hospital hospitalist Valerie Owens holds back the tears as it hits her...