Internal Medicine

New CPR Guidelines Recommend Switching Out Providers Every 5 Cycles to Update Facebook Status

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ST. LOUIS, MO – The American Heart Association (AHA) conducted further research and has published the new 2014 recommendations for cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR).  Basic Life...
iv pca infusion pump WiFi

Study: Doctors Can’t Operate an IV Infusion Pump Even If Life Depended On It

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BALDWIN, NY - A new study in the New England Journal of Alaris (NEJA) confirmed something we knew all along: doctors can't operate an IV...
colonoscopy

Nitwit GI Doc Leaves Scope in Patient’s Colon Again

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SAN FRANCISCO, CA - "Gosh darn it!" exasperated nitwit gastroenterologist Steven Moravsky uttered in a state of shock earlier today when endoscopy suite staff...
malpractice attorney

Malpractice Attorney Says Nightly Prayer for More Medical Errors, Deaths

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MEMPHIS, TN - Mark Edmunds, JD, a local medical malpractice attorney, is proud to be a caring father, a giving person, and a devout Christian.  He...
appreciating appreciative appreciate

Wow, Hospitalist Appreciating the Hell Outta Everyone in Today’s Progress Note

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DURHAM, NC - In a particularly thankful mood today, hospitalist Poonam Trivedi has really gone all out, appreciating the hell out of everyone today in her progress...
wine pairs

Tips: What Wine Pairs Well with Patients & Helps Me Cope with Them?

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We’ve all been there.  You’re at bedside with your patient and you find yourself stumped on which wine you should drink to best pair...

Dr. Oz’s Show Set to Return After Study Says His Advice Will Only Kill...

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NEW YORK, NY—Dr. Oz’s self-titled talk show, which sadly has been on hiatus due to the coronavirus pandemic, is set to resume tapings immediately...
pooh

Winnie Can’t Pooh, Needs Surgical Intervention

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SUSSEX, ENGLAND - In breaking news, Winnie the Pooh can't pooh and is in fact obstructed, necessitating surgical intervention.  "Oh, D-D-Dear!" cried Piglet.  "I...
tightrope walker

Amateur Tightrope Walker Looks Forward to First Level I Trauma Visit

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KANSAS CITY, MO - 28-year-old Taylor Jasper, a banker by trade who just came across tightroping just days ago, told those closest to him...

Man Cold Severity Scale (MCSS) Released!

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  The Man-Cold or Man-Flu can be a devastating illness for half the population. New guidelines have been released to risk-stratify these patients. An objective rating...