Orthopod Writes a Longer Note Than Hospitalist: Metaphysical Calamity Ensues
KEARNEY, NE - Fatefully cleaving the time line in two, an orthopedic surgeon at Kind Humanitarian Hospital (KHH) wrote a progress note longer than...
NSW Health Official Confirms: ‘Nothing Going Around’
SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA - When 38-year-old Sydney accountant Peter Preston presented to his local GP earlier this week with coryzal symptoms, lethargy and a high temperature,...
On a Hot Streak, Palliative Care Makes 35th Straight Patient DNR
LOS ANGELES, CA - Displaying once again why they are the most dominant subspecialty at Los Angeles Medical Center (LAMC) right now, Palliative Care...
Antibiotic Combination Pill Approved for All Pediatric Infections
WASHINGTON, DC - Vancolinezodoxycillimyciflagylnox, brand named "Cureall," a combination pill developed by Amalgamated Pharmaceuticals containing all known oral antibiotics, was approved yesterday for pediatric infections...
Mystery of Appendix Solved: A Private Space for Horny Bacteria to “Get It On”
INSIDE YOUR APPENDIX—Admit it, when you place your stethoscope (that is, if you even own one) on a patient’s abdomen, you don’t really keep...
Doctor Absolutely Crushes the Lung Exam This Morning
AUSTIN, TX - The patient's lungs never stood a chance. After some idle chit-chat about symptoms of dyspnea and wheeze, hospitalist Miguel Ruiz proceeded...
Reason For ICD-10 Delay: Missing Critical Section on Injuries Due to ICD-10
WASHINGTON, DC - While preparing for the introduction of ICD-10 in the US, physicians dealing with workers’ compensation realized that there was a huge section...
Nursing Student Enters OR Without Shoe Covers: Beatings Commence
WARWICK, RI - The student nurse stared nervously at the blood-red line bisecting the hallway. Scrub hat and surgical mask, check. Full breakfast and...
MRSA Colonizes Mars
In a joint conference, CDC and NASA delivered a striking blow to human ambition and ingenuity, announcing that MRSA has officially colonized Mars. Defeating...
Doctor Vows to Not Sleep Until He Finds Cure for Cancer, Retracts That, Vows...
OMAHA, NE – World famous oncologist Dr. Samuel Potter publicly vowed last week to "not sleep until I find the cure for cancer." This big...