Internal Medicine

thanksgiving

Internal Medicine Intern Boasts Over Thanksgiving Dinner, ‘I’m Basically Running the Whole Hospital’

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NASHVILLE, TN - Dr. Nick Johnson, a recent medical school graduate and internal medicine resident impressed his family at Thanksgiving dinner last night when...
doctor on computer

Alternate Phrases for “This is a Very Pleasant…”

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It’s not uncommon to start a history of present illness (HPI), assessment, or discharge summary with the following phrase: This is a very pleasant…...
hospital gown ass crack

CDC Recommends Not Tying Gown in Back to Promote Airflow Through Ass Crack

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ATLANTA, GA - After a thorough review of the evidence, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) will make the formal recommendation that...

Secret of Successful Weight Loss Clinic: Tape Worms

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CARINGTON, IL - Recent controversy regarding a famous weight loss clinic, Let’s Knock It Off!, has the media in a buzz.  Let’s Knock It Off! has been...
empathy medical robot

Hospital to Employ Empathy Robots to Allow Nurses and Doctors to Chart

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SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Tired of being treated like a number at big hospitals?  Mercy Hospital in San Francisco wants to change that and they...
Magic 8-Ball

Teaching Team Consults Magic 8-Ball for Assistance

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NEW YORK, NY - "Will my patient need placement?" intern Jamie Dreessen asked the Magic 8-Ball, shaking it solidly for 15-seconds before placing it on...

The Joint Commission, Useless in the Time of COVID, to Mandate N95 Timers

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The Joint Commission’s executive team, fresh off a socially-distanced golf retreat at Pebble Beach, reiterated its commitment to patient safety and unreimbursed hospital spending...

Friday ‘Dump Job’ Ends Back on Hospitalist

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PORTLAND, MA – Hospitalist Dr. Doug Moore was trying to plan ahead for his upcoming weekend.  He knew he had to take Ms. Williams off his...
condom, syringes

New Cracker Jack ‘Toys’ Include Condoms, Clean Syringes

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PLANO, TX - Frito-Lay has just announced "Good fun!" in the form of a limited edition of Cracker Jack Chocolate & Caramel Flavored Popcorn, in...
trump

Trump University School of Medicine Now Accepting Applications!

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Donald J. Trump and all of the Trump Organization LLC invite you to enroll in the inaugural class of the Donald J. Trump School...