Internal Medicine

urinary tract infection

Study: People Named Willie, Dick & Johnson at Higher Risk for UTIs

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NEW ORLEANS, LA - A study coming out of the University of New Orleans has found that people with names such as Willie, Dick,...
fall risk

Study: Anticoagulation Initiation Instantly Increases Your Fall Risk

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BOCA RATON, FL - Finally proving what most doctors already have suspected for decades, Dr. Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram presented his research data which demonstrated the direct causative...

New Updated Hippacratic Oath for 2019

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I swear by ICD-10 the Code, by Epiclepius the Record Keeper, by Hygienia in Good Hands, by Pancreas, by WebMD, by Twitter, by Facebook,...
respiratory system secedes capacity

Psychiatry Consulted to Determine if Lungs Have Capacity

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BOSTON, MA - In an unusual move yesterday at Massachusetts Lieutenant General Hospital (MGLH), a medical team has consulted psychiatry to determine if their...
hand dryer

Powerful New Hand Dryer Can Dry, Detach Hands in 8 Seconds

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EAST LONGMEADOW, MA - Manufacturer of XLERATOR hand dryers, Excel Dryer, has announced that it has produced their most powerful hand dryer yet, called...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

CDC: The Adjective of Pus is ‘Purulent,’ Not ‘P**sy’

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ATLANTA, GA - Yesterday, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) issued an important reminder to healthcare providers today, reminding them once and...

Healthcare Worker on Dumb Family Member Violence Increases by 86% in Recent Months

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Starting in March 2020, an alarming trend has been noted across all police precincts in the United States. Healthcare workers have been committing violent...
Medical center

Google Medical Center Opens

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MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA - The brand new Google Medical Center opened its doors to patients this summer.  The gleaming complex is a first of...

Man ‘Accidentally Falls’ on Gerbil That Ran Through Lube

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MEMPHIS, TN – A local resident presented to the emergency room with an unusual complaint this evening.  Chief complaint: "My bottom really hurts." At first he was...
pharmacist

A Pharmacist’s Nightmare: A Drug Seeker & Their Excuses

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We all know that pharmacists and pharmacy technicians are on the front lines when it comes to drug-seeking patients. Somehow they can hold it...