Al Qaeda Claims Responsibility For Patient Satisfaction Surveys
GUANTANAMO BAY, CUBA - A detainee with confirmed ties to Al Qaeda made claims yesterday that the group operates an American corporation designed to...
So You’re Paged While in a Bouncy House, What to Do Next
There you are, jumping around happily in a bouncy house when the unthinkable happens: you get paged. Well, maybe not unthinkable since you are...
In Attempt to Reach Out to Cards, Medicine Resident Falls Out of Chair
BOSTON, MA - In an aging population that is becoming increasingly complex, it is not uncommon for inpatient primary teams taking care of patients...
New Female Libido Pill to Hit Shelves
ATLANTA, GA - A new female libido pill is expected to hit shelves this week called Pamper. The pill is designed to put that flame...
Doctor Summons Courage to Toss Unread New England Journals
PITTSBURGH, PA - Sometimes it's better to acknowledge one's own shortcomings and move on. That is why we're saluting a hero, internist Dr. Keisha...
Intergalactic Health Council Recommends Galaxies Stay at Least 6 Million Light-Years Apart
THE GALAXY OF ANDROMEDA - The nearby galaxy of Andromeda has been watching with bated breath as novel coronavirus rapidly spreads around planet Earth....
Poor Colonoscopy Bowel Prep Blamed on Doctor
BOUTTE, LA - Bobby Boudreaux's colonoscopy had to be aborted this morning due to a poor bowel prep, making it impossible to safely perform...
Obama Says Sweeping Changes Will Eliminate Doctor Shortage
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Speaking at a live press conference from the Rose Garden today, President Obama announced major changes to health care, that he...
New Study Shows Tammyflu Pills Provide Eternal Life
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Yesterday, Roach Pharmaceuticals announced the results of a new flu treatment study which is sure to change the course of...
Devious MRSA Spider Bites Yet Another Antecubital Fossa, Remains at Large
GASTONIA, NC - Following an all-too-familiar recent theme, a new patient was assaulted last week by a psychotic spider rampaging through the South.
Earl Wayne...