Internal Medicine

confused patient

Patient Still Concerned About Getting Sick from the Flu Shot

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MADISON, WI - Doreen Knowitall was horrified that her primary care physician again offered her a flu shot “Even though I told her I...
emr

EMR Cures Nearly All Physical Abnormalities Per EMR Physical Exam

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VERONA, WI – According to electronic medical record (EMR) manufacturer, Epic Systems, the implementation of EMRs has improved the physical exam toward normal in...
opioid use

American Academy of Drug Seekers Releases 2016 ED Pain Management Guidelines

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BALTIMORE, MD - Acknowledging that the nationwide effort to reduce opiate abuse in the ED has led to dangerous levels of undertreatment among their...

Product Review: Heartbeats by Dr. Dre Stethoscopes

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Pros / The bass on these Heartbeats by Dr. Dre stethoscopes are SICK!  Besides, who wouldn't want a bluetooth stethoscope blessed by Dr. Dre? Cons / You...

Desperate Hospital Endorses Dirty Sock as Preferred PPE

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CHICAGO, IL—As coronavirus counts rise, local hospitals face shortages of personal protective equipment (PPE). With any remaining viable PPE hoarded in the homes of...

Insomniac Cured After One Question, Wonders Why He Didn’t Think of It Before

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BISMARCK, ND - In an unprecedented success story, patient Igor Soapen has finally been relieved of the insomnia that plagued his life.  And he...

Patient Boldly Quits Smoking Day Before Surgery

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CINCINNATI, OH – Local resident Charles Shoemaker has decided to stop smoking the day before his total knee replacement.  "I’ve heard there are many...
baby aspirin

FDA Reminder: Baby Aspirin Not Actually Meant for Babies

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SILVER SPRING, MD - Looking to clear things up to the confused American public, the Food & Drug Administration (FDA) has issued a reminder that...

Product Review: Mattel’s Resuscitate Me Elmo

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  Pros / Thanks to his lovable and playful interactions, Resuscitate Me Elmo makes it ridiculously easy and fun to learn cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR). Cons /...
John Doe

Breaking: Turns Out the Patient’s Name Really is John Doe

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NASHVILLE, TN - Well, it was bound to happen one day: members of the intensive care unit (ICU) team at Vanderbilt University have realized...