Sweet Little Old Lady Has Impressive Vocabulary of Profanity
ATLANTA, GA - 94-year-old and 96-lb. Annabelle Rivers is as sweet and tiny as they come. She always has her makeup done right first...
Countdown of the Top 10 Things Found in the Rectum
In a style similar to family feud, we surveyed people who like to shove things in places, and also the surgeons who need to...
Startling Report: CDC Recommends Against Vaccinations, Anti-Vaxxers Now Demanding Their Right to Vaccinate
ATLANTA, GA - After a funding change, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) completed a meta-analysis using super statistical procedures and skewed...
It’s About Damn Time: Cup of Coffee Awarded Nobel Prize in Medicine
NEW YORK, NY - There was a big surprise earlier this week when a cup of coffee was announced as the winner of the 2017...
Brothel Workers Consulted in Patient Satisfaction Project
RENO, NV - In what is being called a "fresh" and "unorthodox" effort to boost patient satisfaction survey scores, Heart of The Valley Hospital...
CDC Advises Robert De Niro To Be Sent To Jail Until Deemed Safe
ATLANTA, GA - Last week Robert De Niro pushed for the Andrew Wakefield (yes, that Wakefield) film Vaxxed to be screened. "We need to have the...
Multidrug Resistant Superbug Susceptible Only to Brussel Sprouts
KANSAS CITY, KS - Dr. Carlos Johnson was anxiously awaiting antibiotic susceptibility testing on his 70-year-old ICU patient with pneumonia and septic shock. The...
Scientists Perfect the No-Wipe Poop
BLOOMINGTON, IL – Scientists at Fermi-Labs have discovered something more remarkable and useful to the human race than the God Particle: no-wipe poops. Dan...
Cinnabon Creates New Insulin Rolls: Insulinabons
SEATTLE, WA - American purveyor of cinnamon rolls and diabetes, Cinnabon has announced a new tactic to combat the obesity epidemic, not by changing...