Skinny Jeans Increase Venous Return in Sepsis
CINCINNATI, OH - A recent study out of Northside, Cincinnati claims all-cause mortality benefit in sepsis with addition of skinny jeans to early goal...
Record Number of Drug Seekers Expected for Annual Easter Dilaudid Hunt
BALDWIN, NY - The Easter Dilaudid Hunt at Baldwin Medical Center (BMC) is going all out. This weekend, 30,000 drug seekers are expected to...
ZDoggMD: I Was Wrong About Vaccines
Finally, ZDoggMD has taken the lead and has come to admit that he has been wrong on vaccines for decades. It took courage and...
Breaking: Mr. Peanut Allergic to Himself
PITTSBURGH, PA - Unfortunate news today as the Kraft Heinz Company announced that one of its most beloved mascots, Planters' Mr. Peanut, has been...
PyeongChang Update: Shirtless Tongan Hospitalized with Hypothermia
PYEONGCHANG, SOUTH KOREA - Sadly, we knew it was bound to happen: Tongan athlete Pita Taufatofua, also known as the Shirtless Tongan, has just...
Local ER Offering Pain Meds Freebased, or Heated on a Spoon and Injected
NORFOLK, VA – Local ER is now offering patients the option of their pain medication freebased or heated on a spoon and injected. “We...
Surgeon General Admits: Condoms ‘Kinda Suck’
WASHINGTON, DC - During a press conference yesterday, Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy admitted that, although very important, condoms do in fact “kinda suck.”
The...
Flonass: Flonase’s Sister Spray for Anal Sniffles
LONDON, ENGLAND - When the season's change - either from winter to spring or from summer to fall - we often focus on runny...
The FDA, or Federal Dating Authority, Has Established a New System for Online Dating
Testing of potential suitors is an exhausting, expensive and occasionally toxic procedure. The FDA, or Federal Dating Authority, has established a new system for...