Internal Medicine

eyeball retina

Ophthalmology Resident Quits Due to Ommetaphobia

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MIAMI, FL - Dr. Henry Flickheimer, an ophthalmology resident, has struggled and coped with a certain intense fear for years.  Surprisingly, that fear is the fear...

Dr. Clinton Gets Away with Wearing Pantsuit in OR

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - A shocking story coming from Bethesda Medical Center, where Hillary Clinton has been wearing a pantsuit in the operating room.  She refuses...
vaccines

Serious About Safety, “Operation Warp Speed” to Enroll 7.8 Billion People in Phase 1...

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WASHINGTON, DC—Leaders of “Operation Warp Speed” (OWS), the government program tasked with developing a Covid-19 vaccine, insist that despite the name, their top priority...
gluten free

Man On Gluten-Free Diet Has No Idea What Gluten Actually Is

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Chad Bennington, a 32-year-old otherwise healthy male without celiac disease, saw a new phrase on his favorite cereal box at his local grocery store. ...

Tattoo-to-Tooth Ratio a Strong Intelligence Predictor

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BIRMINGHAM, AL – Hospital administrators have been searching for better ways to educate patients prior to being discharged.  Administrators may have found their answer...
drinking coffee

Local Hospital Adds Overpriced Coffee to Patient Bowel Regimen Protocol with Fantastic Results

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SEATTLE, WA - Seattle Memorial Hospital has dramatically reduced their rates of post-operative ileus and opioid-induced constipation by requiring that all patient bowel regimens...
bicarb-only sodium bicarbonate

ICU Team Figures Out What Their Code Needs: More Bicarb!

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NEW ORLEANS, LA - The ICU team at New Orleans Medical Center (NOMC) made history today by becoming the first medical team ever to implement a bicarb-only...
court

Mother Who Pushed Child into Medicine Charged with Parental Malpractice

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BOCA RATON, FL - An area mother who recklessly pushed her son into the field of medicine has been charged with 6 counts of...
vaccination

New Vaccination Campaign Seeks to Eradicate Anti-Vax Movement by 2030

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WASHINGTON, DC—Jenny McCarthy, once famous for a spread of nude photos in Playboy and now for causing the spread of measles in the US,...
orthopedic surgeon ortho spelling bee WBAT sticks & stones

An Orthopedic Surgeon Explains: Diastolic Heart Failure

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Brosefs and lady folk: It seems that every now and then we have to deal with something other than the bones.  As you can imagine,...