Doctor Makes His Pager DNR
MARIETTA, GA - “It was time,” explained hospitalist James Smith as he caressed his American Messaging pager circa 1981 with its screen reminiscent of...
Coronavirus Tests Positive for Joe Exotic
CHICKASHA, OK—Joe Exotic cannot be stopped. The self-proclaimed “Tiger King,” country musician, master illusionist, former Presidential and gubernatorial candidate, and gun-toting redneck simply cannot...
Hospitalist Program Offers 7-Years-On/7-Years-Off Schedule
PHOENIX, AZ—Many hospitalist programs around the country follow a 7-on/7-off model where clinicians work long hours for 7 consecutive days followed by a full...
Intern Forgets to Write “Appreciate GI’s Recs” in Patient Note, GI Fellow Inconsolable
BOSTON, MA - In what can only be described as a quagmire of apology emails, face-to-face meetings, and sensitivity seminars, the fallout from Robbie...
Declining Lipitor Sales Prompt Revision of Cholesterol Guidelines Yet Again
CHICAGO, IL - In response to an unexpected 3 percent reduction in both Lipitor and Crestor sales, the American Cardiac Association (ACA) and American...
Desperate Officials Offer Deal to Twentysomethings: If You Wear a Mask, You Can Ditch...
BEAR, DE—In an admirable attempt to incentivize mask-wearing amongst America’s twentysomethings, who are thought to be driving the summer resurgence of Covid-19 due to...
Poor Colonoscopy Bowel Prep Blamed on Doctor
BOUTTE, LA - Bobby Boudreaux's colonoscopy had to be aborted this morning due to a poor bowel prep, making it impossible to safely perform...
Overnight News: Nation Has 107 Point Average Rise in Blood Sugars After Halloween
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek Murthy, reported that the nation’s average blood glucose level rose over 107 points per human last...
New Weight Loss Surgery to Bypass Stomach, Mouth Completely
BALTIMORE, MD – Calling the new procedure a “miracle in bariatric surgery,” physicians at John’s Hopkins University spoke at a press conference last Saturday...