‘Hospital Medicine’ Renamed ‘Placement Medicine’
PHILADELPHIA, PA - The Society of Hospital Medicine (SHM) has announced that effective January 1, 2017, the specialty known as Hospital Medicine will be renamed Placement Medicine in order to best reflect current practices. The...
Correction: Billionaire Purchases Hundreds of Ventilators FROM Coronavirus-Stricken Hospitals
An earlier version of this article erroneously indicated that the billionaire purchased ventilators FOR coronavirus-stricken hospitals, implying he was going to donate them to the hospitals. Oops! What a difference a little preposition makes....
Eminem Conference Brings Together Morbidity, Mortality & Hip-Hop
DETROIT, MI - Yesterday’s sold-out Eminem conference at Detroit Medical Center went down as one of the greatest lunchtime conferences in history, with American rapper, songwriter, and producer Eminem showing off his lyrical chops...
FDA Approves First Antibiotic/Male Impotence Drug: Mycoxaflopin
WASHINGTON, DC - The Federal Drug Administration has recently approved the first medication that will combat both bacterial infections and male impotence. Mycoxaflopin, a novel fluoroquinolone, originally developed by Dutch company Stijf, will be...
Fed Up ID Doctor Wishes Everyone Would F**king Defervesce Already
EL PASO, TX - "Fevers, fevers, everywhere I look, someone's got a f**king fever!!" Dr. Ryan Keeley was heard muttering down a hallway at Las Palmas Medical Center. "People, for the love of God,...
Brothel Workers Consulted in Patient Satisfaction Project
RENO, NV - In what is being called a "fresh" and "unorthodox" effort to boost patient satisfaction survey scores, Heart of The Valley Hospital has hired consultants from a local brothel.
"Healthcare is constantly being...
Disney Parks Now Require Immunization Record for Admittance
ORLANDO, FL - In a bold and unprecedented response to the recent measles outbreak at Disneyland, Disney execs announced yesterday that they will institute a new policy to safeguard staff and visitors from communicable...
California Vaccination Rates Soar with Drone-Delivered Vaccines
SACRAMENTO, CA - California reports rapid increases in its vaccination rates, thanks to a new partnership with Amazon Prime’s drone service.
“For years, we’ve had areas with large numbers of unvaccinated children. These were mostly...
Rabies Vaccines Result in Doggie Autism According to Andrew Wakefield, PETA Petrified
HOLY SMOKES, NC - According to GomerBlog sources at GQ, it is true. Rabies vaccines cause doggie autism. The news came following a monumental publication by Dr. Andrew Wakefield in Lancet: Cynology last Tuesday.
After losing...
Used Capsule Endoscopy Cameras Into Phones??
Have you ever taken a whiff of your IPhone’s camera and detected a faint but distinct foul odor? Have you ever noticed a brown haze to your photos? If you have, you’re certainly not...
