Tips: How to Keep Your Necktie Nice & Colonized
So who doesn’t love neckties? Not only do they strangle your windpipe, but they also spread disease with reckless abandon. Cheers to that! Here...
Breaking: Bronx Zoo Tiger with COVID-19 Leaves Hospital AMA
BRONX, NY - Nadia, a 4-year-old Amur tiger from the Bronx Zoo, who recently tested positive for COVID-19, has left the hospital against medical...
CDC Warns of Emerging Disease Deemed ‘Panniculolithiasis’
ATLANTA, GA - The CDC has issued an advisory regarding a new disease being reported sporadically across the country. There have now been over...
Devious MRSA Spider Bites Yet Another Antecubital Fossa, Remains at Large
GASTONIA, NC - Following an all-too-familiar recent theme, a new patient was assaulted last week by a psychotic spider rampaging through the South.
Earl Wayne...
Ebola Now Airborne, Nation Prepares
ATLANTA, GA - Ebola, the most deadly disease known to man, was confirmed to be airborne by the CDC after an extensive investigation of...
Cardiothoracic Surgeon Dreams of Becoming Hollywood Star
NEW YORK, NY - Prominent cardiothoracic surgeon Dr. Dale Enderwood had "an amazing dream" last night and he woke up wishing he could return to that dream.
What’s...
Sexy Ebola Nurses Released from 45-Day Quarantine
MOBRIDGE, SD - The nation breathed a sigh of relief today as hordes of sexy Ebola nurses were released from the place of quarantine...
Conspiracy! Powerful Microscope Finds “Made in China” Imprinted on Virus
ATLANTA, GA—Staring for hours at the 500,000x-magnified image of the novel coronavirus under his electron microscope, Dr. Henry Thomson of the CDC just could...
What ‘Thank You for the Interesting Consult’ Really Means, Part 1
Initial consult notes usually end with the following line: Thank you for the interesting consult. What does that really mean? In the first of...
Chest Pain Rule-Out: Patient with Stuffed Elephant Sitting on Chest
DANBURY, CT - A patient at Danbury Medical Center was admitted for chest pain rule out after he was complaining of a toy stuffed...