Framingham Heart Study Researchers Release New Risk Score Abacus
FRAMINGHAM, MA - Boasting that it will be easier than ever to estimate the 10- and 30-year cardiovascular risk of an individual, principle investigators...
Ronaldo, Neymar Admit Magic Soccer Sprays Contain Dilaudid
CHICAGO, IL - Two of the world's best soccer players, Cristiano Ronaldo and Neymar, have told Gomerblog the secret ingredient that makes those magic...
CDC: Inhale Lysol Before, After Every COVID-19 Encounter
ATLANTA, GA - Based on recent review of the available evidence, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) strongly recommends inhaling Lysol before...
Author Concludes “No Further Studies Necessary”
BOSTON, MA - In a striking bout of confidence, Dr. Jannek Nusenbaum, MD, PhD recently concluded in the New England Journal of Medicine that...
Hospitalist Becomes Own Endless Loop
In a stunning procession of events, nocturnist Angus "Kilty" McSwagger became the only known hospitalist to experience the so-called "admission mirror paradox." Long speculated...
Chief Resident Regrets Decision to Serve Noodles During Lunchtime PowerPoint on Roundworms
ATLANTA, GA - “I have never seen so many people vomit their brains out at once,” said disappointed chief resident Frank Napoli as he...
New Helmet for Spleen Allows Mononucleosis Patients to Play Contact Sports
EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ—Athletes afflicted with infectious mononucleosis, a disease caused by the Epstein-Barr virus and sometimes marked by splenomegaly, will soon be able to...
Disaster Strikes After Intern Accidentally Orders Bowel ‘Regiment’
The world was stunned yesterday by events at County Hospital. Mr. Brown, an 88-year-old man with dementia, had been admitted with altered mental status...
ISIS Plans to Over-Prescribe Antibiotics
ISIS - The Islamic State of Iraq and Syria (ISIS) released a statement on their social media yesterday with their new terror plans:
It isn't quite...
Man On Gluten-Free Diet Has No Idea What Gluten Actually Is
Chad Bennington, a 32-year-old otherwise healthy male without celiac disease, saw a new phrase on his favorite cereal box at his local grocery store. ...