Incredibly Narcissistic Patient with Dementia Remains Oriented Only to Self
In what can only be described as a sickening display of pure narcissism, Gertrude Walters, an 82 year-old woman with advanced dementia, has remained...
Report: Always Room for Jell-O Confirmed
AUSTIN, TX – Researchers at University of Texas, Austin have confirmed there is always room for Jell-O. Press release Dr. Sarah King spoke with...
New Study Characterizes Metastatic Potential of Malignant Attendings
ROCHESTER, NY - Results of a new study have been released which describe for the first time the metastatic potential of malignant attendings. “We’ve known...
Optimistic, Bright-Eyed Med Students Eager to Transform into Jaded, Burned-Out Physicians
ATLANTA, GA - Like a caterpillar ready to mature into a beautiful butterfly, bright-eyed graduating medical students across the nation are eager to begin...
Boring PowerPoints New Leading Cause of Death Among Health Care Practitioners
ATLANTA, GA - A new study published in the latest issue of the Journal of Small Font & Uninteresting Topics (JSFUT) revealed that sinfully...
Physician’s Curiosity Piqued After Being Paged to Callback Number ‘6’
BOSTON, MA - In a breaking development, hospitalist James Dugan was paged at 7:45 AM this morning to the mysterious single callback number “6,”...
Normal Saline vs. Lactated Ringer’s: Results of a Phase 3 Randomized Quadruple-Blind Clinical Water...
BACKGROUND: The superiority of Lactated Ringer’s solution (LR) or normal saline (NS) in fluid resuscitation in a variety of medical and surgical scenarios remains...
CDC: Coronavirus Vaccine Will Be Ready for Refusal By Anti-Vaxxers By 2021
ATLANTA, GA - Officials at the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) announced today that they believe the new vaccine currently under development...
With a Scale Outside the Room, Hospitalist Asks Subspecialists to Weigh In
AUSTIN, TX - Several subspecialists at Brisket Medical Center have decided to weigh in on a complex case of fever of unknown origin. The...
Oncologist Dr. Trump: Making Your Body Great Again
NEW YORK, NY - Dr. Trump makes his rounds through the halls of NYU's hospital and you can overhear his barking: "Cisplatin you're FIRED,...