Internal Medicine

Future Beach Front Property

National Arthritic Society Lobbies for Climate Change

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WASHINGTON, DC – The Koch Brothers and the National Arthritic Society (NAS) have teamed up to encourage global warming.  It all started in the Land...
chloraprep

Donald Trump’s Orange Complexion Due To ChloraPrep From Last Plastic Surgery

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WASHINGTON, D.C - The U.S. Surgeon General accidentally revealed in a recent interview that President Trump’s skin tone is actually a normal shade of...
Cardio vs Neph

American College of Cardiology Seen Publically Fighting with the American Society of Nephrology

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WASHINGTON, DC - The American College of Cardiology (ACC) is currently refusing to talk to the American Society of Nephrology (ASN).  Sources say the fight rekindled at a...
pillow

Intern Describes Patient’s Pillow as Soft, Nontender

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SACRAMENTO, CA - Intern Dale Sheppard went to see one of his patients early this morning, only to find her stewing because the pillows were...

Twas the Night Before Christmas Call

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'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the floor Not a creature was stirring, not even the R4; The pager that clung to my waistband...
Arrival heptopods orthopods Louise Banks

‘Arrival’ Heroine, Dr. Louise Banks, Tries to Decipher Wordless Language of Orthopods

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MONTANA - After playing a critical role in deciphering the language of the alien squid-like heptopods as chronicled in last year's real-life documentary Arrival,...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

CDC Advises Robert De Niro To Be Sent To Jail Until Deemed Safe

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ATLANTA, GA - Last week Robert De Niro pushed for the Andrew Wakefield (yes, that Wakefield) film Vaxxed to be screened.  "We need to have the...
routine ECG

ECG Tech Rejoices: ECG Ordered as ‘Routine’

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DURHAM, NC - ECG (electrocardiogram) tech Joy Foreman rejoiced as she came upon a true rarity today when it comes to the world of diagnostic...
walking

Census Data Project Power-Chair Riders Will Outnumber Pedestrians by 2040

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WASHINGTON, DC - The Census Bureau released a mountain of data last week, and among the most interesting trends is the astronomical increase in...
vaccines

Jimmy Kimmel and Real Doctors Preach on Getting Vaccines

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Another reason to get your kids vaccinated https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QgpfNScEd3M