Internal Medicine

drive thru

Local Hospital To Pilot Drive-Thru Intubation Clinic In Response to COVID-19 Spread

0
GREENEVILLE, TN - St. Indignant’s Health Care System has announced a new partnership with the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services to pilot...

Charmin Profits As July Interns Sh*t Themselves

0
GREEN BAY, WI - Proctor & Gamble's toilet paper brand Charmin expects to see profits soar throughout July as new interns flood hospitals in a blazing...

That’s So Mean: Hospital Kitchen Sends NPO Patients Empty Tray

0
North Portland, Oregon—The defiance of an NPO order, whether intentional or accidental, may have profound consequences, including worsening of symptoms and delay of surgical...

ChooseMyPlate.gov Updates Plate Portions for Nurses, Docs

0
WASHINGTON, DC - The USDA website ChooseMyPlate.gov has updated its plate for all hospital personnel to remind them that while finding your healthy eating...
yellow isolation ballroom gown

Dior’s New Yellow Isolation Ballroom Gowns are Stunning

0
PARIS, FRANCE - In breaking news that has the fashion industry stirring, designers at Christian Dior are bringing style back into isolation rooms by...
divine intervention NPO after midnight miracle insurance authorization

God Postpones Miracle Due to Slightly High INR of 1.6

0
HEAVEN ABOVE - God, Creator of the Universe, has decided to postpone His plans for a miracle today after morning labs revealed an elevated...
gi scope

Dr. Oz’s Colonoscopy Reveals That He’s FOS

0
CLEVELAND, OH - After years of nauseating lies and verbal diarrhea, America’s leading medical quack Dr. Oz finally underwent a much needed colonoscopy today...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

CDC Reminder: ‘Sleep Tight and Definitely Do Not Let the Bed Bugs Bite’

0
ATLANTA, GA - Tonight, shortly after reading the public a bedtime story, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) wanted to say "Good night!"...
confused patient

Patient Still Concerned About Getting Sick from the Flu Shot

0
MADISON, WI - Doreen Knowitall was horrified that her primary care physician again offered her a flu shot “Even though I told her I...