COVID-19: Pretend RNs, MDs Recruited to the Front Line
NEW YORK, NY - In an effort to bolster our nation's supply of health care workers, young pretend nurses and doctors far and wide...
AOL Instant Messenger Made Comfort Measures Only
NEW YORK, NY - AOL Instant Messenger (AIM), the 1990s chat program that arguably gave birth to our modern age of social media, has...
Wow, That’s Bold: CDC Says ‘Zero People’ Will Catch the Flu This Year
ATLANTA, GA - Exuding tremendous confidence, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has announced that it plans on pitching a no-hitter this...
Nostalgic Pharmacists Yearn for Good ‘Ole Days of Illegible Doctors’ Prescriptions
NEW ORLEANS, LA - Though pharmacists appreciate the progress that has been made with electronic health records (EHR) and e-prescriptions over the past two...
Google Medical Center Opens
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA - The brand new Google Medical Center opened its doors to patients this summer. The gleaming complex is a first of...
‘I Can’t Afford These $4 Meds!’ Says Patient with iPhone 6s Plus (Gold) &...
ATHENS, GA - “I can’t afford these meds!” hospitalized patient Jason Redmond told his medical team, as he folded closed his 13-inch MacBook Air. Redmond...
Song of the Diverticulite (Morphine on High at 3am)
All the bickering of which is best
The song, the canvass, the word, the marbled stone,
The rest
Pittance such luxury
Lacking any test
Pittance yes!
Void of existential quest
Ver-Sed,...
New Incentivized Spirometers to Pay $50 Per Deep Breath
ATLANTA, GA – In an effort to better encourage patients to do their breathing exercises, a newly-designed incentivized spirometer will pay patients $50 per...
Elephant Complains of Chest Pain ‘Like a Human Sitting on My Chest’
NEW YORK, NY - At approximately 6:00 AM this morning, a local elephant named Eli the Elephant developed excruciating ten out of ten chest...
Overzealous Gastroenterologist Accidentally Invents Esophagocolonoscopy
WINSTON-SALEM, NC - A young Gastroenterologist and his team made history last week when what was supposed to be a standard endoscopic exam turned...