Monday, June 1, 2020

Internal Medicine

Breaking: Man Flu Caused by COVID-19

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BETHESDA, MD - In a major scientific breakthrough, researchers at the National Institute of Health have uncovered that man flu is both real and caused by pandemic COVID-19. Though...

U.S. on COVID-19: “Help Me, Obi-Wan Kenobi, You’re My Only Hope”

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TATOOINE - While cleaning his new R2-D2 droid after purchasing them from the Jawas, Luke Skywalker accidentally triggered a holographic recording of a desperate United States of America pleading "Help me, Obi-Wan...

COVID-19: TV Docs to be Called Upon in Time of Crisis

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ATLANTA, GA - In light of the ongoing coronavirus pandemic, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) is now officially requesting fictional doctors to step in as physicians on the front line. Included...

FDA: Keep Reusing Your Mask Until You Eventually Catch Coronavirus

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - Acknowledging the current shortage of both N95 and surgical masks, the U.S. Food & Drug Administration (FDA) has issued a very simple solution to health care professionals taking care...

Residents Dismiss Report They Rarely Wash White Coats: “We Don’t Wash Our Regular Clothes...

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HYGIENE, CO—According to a recent study, doctors rarely, if ever, launder their white lab coats, a nauseating fact given that these coats carry and potentially spread dangerous pathogens. Medical residents, in particular, took issue...

COVID Beauty Tips & Tricks

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COVID-19 has meant we’re all working long hours in the hospital, sometimes even with personal protective equipment (PPE). Here are some tips to help you look your best, even on little sleep and no...

Breaking: Bronx Zoo Tiger with COVID-19 Leaves Hospital AMA

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BRONX, NY - Nadia, a 4-year-old Amur tiger from the Bronx Zoo, who recently tested positive for COVID-19, has left the hospital against medical advice (AMA), per sources. She was admitted last night to an...
toilet paper

FDA Recommends Americans Reuse Toilet Paper

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - It is well-known that we are still in the midst of the Great Toilet Paper Crisis of 2020. In a newly-issued guideline, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration...

COVID-19: ACGME Redeploys Interns to Check on Healthcare Workers’ Parents

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CHICAGO, IL - The Accreditation Council for Graduate Medical Education (ACGME) announced that interns will no longer see patients not only to preserve personal protective equipment (PPE) but also so they can...

Part-Time Medical Professional at Hospital with No COVID-19 Cases Lines Up Selfie in Full...

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Times are tough for those in healthcare: the novel SARS CoV-2, personal protective equipment shortages, national runs on inhalers and hydroxychloroquine, public health leadership vacuums. Add to that veritable sh**-storm a large contingent of...
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