Friday, August 7, 2020

News-in-Brief

Short Articles for Your Short Attention Span

Local Man Relieved He Was Able to Yell at His Surgeon Just Before Going...

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HERSHEY, PA – Early reports are coming in that local man, Frank Demmer, chewed out his surgeon in pre-operative bay five.  "I’m just happy I was able to yell at him before I went...
Cardio vs Neph

American College of Cardiology Seen Publically Fighting with the American Society of Nephrology

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WASHINGTON, DC - The American College of Cardiology (ACC) is currently refusing to talk to the American Society of Nephrology (ASN).  Sources say the fight rekindled at a medical mixer when the ASN thought the punch bowl needed...
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Urology Resident Leaves Husband After Sizing Up the Competition

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WHITE PLAINS, NY - Unfortunately we have to report on another sad tale of how graduate medical education can take a toll on families.  It seems that Dr. Sylvia Smythe, a first-year urology resident, has filed for...
anesthesiologist table height

Anesthesiologist Cancels Case After Hearing Patient is ‘Gassy’

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CHARLOTTE, NC - OR 4 at Mercy Hospital was moving “ahead of schedule” according to charge nurse Diane Cingler.  “Turns out we are getting out of here even sooner!”  The surgeon was disappointed he...

Texting While Operating Now Illegal in 5 states

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SACRAMENTO, CA – On Monday California became the 5th state to ban texting while operating.  This new legislation came after Dr. Kenneth Fellet texted his friends, who were partying in Mexico without him, and...

Poll Reveals Most Attending Surgeons Secretly Jealous About 80-Hour Work Week

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EGAN, ND - A poll of practicing surgeons at the recent Society of Magnificent Surgeons meeting revealed that 92% of those polled were secretly jealous of their trainees' 80-hour work week requirement. "For Pete’s sake,"...

Patient Literally Sweats His Balls Off

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JACKSONVILLE, FL - Patient Don Fernando arrived to Mercy Hospital's ER with a chief complaint of "I'm sweating my balls off!"  Don was passed over for hours with many assuming he was just pulling a practical joke.  The triage nurse...

Study Shows More Studies Would Be Needed to Study Future Results

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BETHESDA, MD – A recent article published in the New England Journal of Medicine discovered that more studies would be needed to study future results.  "This is truly remarkable," said medical expert Dr. Tom Hutch....

Guy on Motorcycle Looking Forward to Donating His Organs

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CALIFORNIA – Harris Jasper, a 3-year rider of a Kawasaki Ninja, or crotch rocket, told friends and family that this year would likely be the year he would donate "most of his vital organs to people...

Friday Afternoon Clinic Patient Surprisingly Sent to the Emergency Department

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SAN FRANCISCO, CA – The emergency department at Queen’s Hospital had a very rare event occur this Friday afternoon.  74-year-old Wilma Gooding, checked into the emergency room around 4:12 p.m. with a chief complaint of “needing...
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