CHARLESTON, SC – In an unprecedented attempt to seem interesting and a more well-rounded applicant than he really is, Brice Jargins, fourth-year medical student, stated that he is a “writer” on the Hobbies & Activities section of his ERAS residency application.
Unfortunately his plan backfired last week at the Medical University of South Carolina when one of the interviewers asked for an example of his work from his ERAS application. “I told her that I mainly wrote fiction, thinking that would be enough to satisfy her. But she wanted an actual example, so I told her I would send her a link when I got home.”
After this interview, the lying sack of crap then searched desperately for a semi-legitimate website where he could get an article published in a short amount of time.
“I didn’t have time to write a novel, let alone a short story, so I thought writing a fake medical article would be good enough.”
This phlegmon disguised as a medical student has no knowledge of anything outside of medicine, so he admits he must keep his topic medical. At the same time he doesn’t know enough about medicine to write real medical news. This makes writing fake medical news a perfect fit for his unfurnished and hurried writing.
This boring lump that spent the last 3.5 years of his life doing nothing but studying and watching The Big Bang Theory admits that he should’ve just put down what everybody else did in their Hobbies section. “I should’ve put down ‘hiking,’ ‘homebrewing beer,’ or ‘gardening,’ something that would be impossible to prove or refute.”
Sources close to the fourth-year medical student who has nothing to show for himself besides a bachelors degree in biology and a single research poster presented at 4 different conferences stated that, “He seems like an alright guy, but [we] don’t see him much outside of the hospital.”
At press time, this long shot of a likable and relatable future physician had submitted a handful of satirical articles in a shotgun approach hoping that maybe one will get published in time to show at his next residency interview.
About the Author: Bruce Jergins has been a writer, well since this morning. When he is not writing, he enjoys hiking, homebrewing, and spending time in his vegetable garden.
