Thursday, September 17, 2020

Internal Medicine

Dr. Fauci announces retirement from NIAID to become Major League Baseball Pitching Coach

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Dr. Anthony Fauci, the esteemed director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, announced this morning that he will be stepping down from his position effective immediately. "I have not come to...
meatball sub

New Extreme weight loss surgery: total gastric intestinal bypass

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All that “digestion and absorption is so overrated” Weight loss surgery has gained popularity, although success rates are no where near 100%. Patients have been asking for more effective types of weight loss surgeries, especially...
malpractice court

Physician with MD and JD Sues Self for Malpractice

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In a head-spinning display of legal and corporate maneuvering, a Midwestern physician who also holds a law degree has litigated himself for gross negligence and medical malpractice in civil court. Plastic surgeon Vincent Gambini, MD,...
vaccines

Serious About Safety, “Operation Warp Speed” to Enroll 7.8 Billion People in Phase 1...

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WASHINGTON, DC—Leaders of “Operation Warp Speed” (OWS), the government program tasked with developing a Covid-19 vaccine, insist that despite the name, their top priority is safety, not speed. As proof, they announced today that...

The Joint Commission, Useless in the Time of COVID, to Mandate N95 Timers

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The Joint Commission’s executive team, fresh off a socially-distanced golf retreat at Pebble Beach, reiterated its commitment to patient safety and unreimbursed hospital spending by instituting a new initiative. “Given the pervasive practice by...

Report: Most People Will Survive Pandemic, But Their Livers Will Not

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ATLANTA, GA—A new report released earlier this week by the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) contained both good and bad news. The good news is that, according to scientists’ calculations, the vast...

With Hospitals Overrun, Physicians Turning To Internet Know-It-Alls For Help

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Miami, Florida – With the COVID19 pandemic overtaking hospitals here in some US cities, overwhelmed physicians are hopeful they’ve found a promising new resource: internet-know-it-alls. Dr. Robert Smith, Chief Medical Officer for the Longwood...

DaVinci Announces Partnership with Hair Salons, Tattoo Parlors

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US citizens, eager to have their economy open up, will soon have an exciting opportunity. Hair salons and tattoo parlors have struggled with how to maintain safe “social distancing,” Now, DaVinci robots will provide...

Conspiracy! Powerful Microscope Finds “Made in China” Imprinted on Virus

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ATLANTA, GA—Staring for hours at the 500,000x-magnified image of the novel coronavirus under his electron microscope, Dr. Henry Thomson of the CDC just could not believe his startling discovery: Imprinted at the base of...
ativan diffuser

The Makers of the Ativan Diffuser Announce Ground Breaking New Product

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Capitalizing on their previous success throughout the healthcare world by the H-Vape 86, the makers of the Ativan Diffuser have begun selling their new Ketamine Diffuser. After the significant research by the Emergency Medicine...
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