Internal Medicine

surgeon biopsy malignant

Residency Program Biopsied, Found to Be Malignant

BOSTON, MA - After undergoing biopsy last week at the insistence of several concerned fourth-year medical students who matched at its program, Pathology has just finalized its report, declaring that the Internal Medicine Residency...
obs observation unit

Patient Transferred from Observation Unit to Intervention Unit

SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Physician assistant (PA) Iris Jones thought it was just another day in the Observation Unit or Obs Unit.  She made her rounds and did what she was asked to do...
medicine abbreviations

Ophtho’s Guide to Internal Medicine Abbreviations

Not long ago we asked our Medicine colleagues to help us learn about ophtho abbreviations, which we did.  Time to reverse the roles: Gomerblog asked Ophthalmology to help us decipher Medicine abbreviations, and they...
CDC headquarters, ignore, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words

CDC Recommends Against Licking Eyeballs

ATLANTA, GA - Say it isn't so!  The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has just announced that it cannot and will not recommend against the licking of eyeballs, thus delivering a devastating...
white coats

Respiratory Techs, Dietitians Enraged Over New Policy Allowing Janitors to Wear White Coats

PORTLAND, OR - A new policy has caused a controversy at a local hospital, with multiple departments banding together against the measure which now allows janitorial services to wear white coats.  Starting last month, janitors...
medical researcher

Author Concludes “No Further Studies Necessary”

BOSTON, MA - In a striking bout of confidence, Dr. Jannek Nusenbaum, MD, PhD recently concluded in the New England Journal of Medicine that “no more research was needed on the topic.”  In the...
pills

Makers of Dilaudid to Officially Change Name to “That One That Starts with a...

WASHINGTON, DC - In a stunning move the makers of Dilaudid (hydromorphone) have officially changed their product name to “That One That Starts with a D.”  The move comes about as lawmakers attempt to...
John Doe

Breaking: Turns Out the Patient’s Name Really is John Doe

NASHVILLE, TN - Well, it was bound to happen one day: members of the intensive care unit (ICU) team at Vanderbilt University have realized that their comatose patient assigned the name John Doe until...
acute on chronic placement placement exacerbation

Patient Admitted for a Placement Exacerbation

NEW ORLEANS, LA - Gomerblog has learned 88-year-old patient Betty Waltuck was readmitted last night by the Emergency Department (ED) at Tulane Medical Center for what is suspected to be acute on chronic placement or...
disappointed doctor

Following $2 Million Lottery Win, Doctors Still in Debt

WASHINGTON, DC – After months of pooling their money and purchasing lottery tickets, a group of local resident doctors have won the Virginia Lotto’s Mega Jackpot $2 million prize. The five doctors had been buying...

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