Internal Medicine

gauze for abscess

Scented Packing Gauze Makes Abscesses Fresh and Fun

PROVIDENCE, RI - The field of wound care is taking note of a new line of whimsically-scented wound packing products pioneered by Quintac Hospital.  After a promising pilot program with a cinnamon prototype, medical...

Valentine’s Day Tease: Stethoscopes in Sexy Positions

WARNING: The following images of sexy stethoscopes in suggestive positions are appropriate only for health care providers older than the age of 18.  (Click to enlarge.)
toliet flushing medications

So You Dropped Your Pager into the Toilet, What to Do Next

You're on-call, but before sh*t hits the fan, you hit the toilet.  Just when you're pulling up your pants or fixing your belt, you hear that distinctive splash into the muddy waters below: your...
CDC headquarters, ignore

CDC Recommends Against All Human Interaction

ATLANTA, GA - Citing people as a major cause of epidemics, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) hopes to eliminate infections once and for all by recommending against any and all human interaction....

The Cure for the ManCold

Well, it's that time again: cold and flu season.  While influenza proves to be particularly dangerous for young children and older adults, common colds are potentially fatal for men in their 20s-50s. This recipe is...
bacon-eluting stent

Cardiologists Now Deploying Bacon-Eluting Stents

NASHVILLE, TN - Unfazed by the obesity epidemic and the glorious number of unhealthy choices at their disposal, Americans are always looking for innovative, quicker ways to achieve heart disease.  Thanks to advancements in the field...
Super Bowl LI shootout

Houston Trauma Teams Prepare for Deadly Super Bowl Shootout

HOUSTON, TX - Emergency crews and trauma teams in the Houston area are nervous but ready for Sunday night, as experts are expecting a full-fledge shootout involving "shotguns and pistols" between the Atlanta Falcons...

Mother Who Pushed Child into Medicine Charged with Parental Malpractice

BOCA RATON, FL - An area mother who recklessly pushed her son into the field of medicine has been charged with 6 counts of parental malpractice by the Child Protective Services (CPS).  During a...

Forrest Gump Still in Rhabdo 30 Years After Epic Cross-Country Run

BIRMINGHAM, AL - Though it has been three decades since his historic three-and-a-half year cross-country run brought him national attention, Birmingham Medical Center (BMC) reports that Forrest Gump is still in rhabdomyolysis (or rhabdo)...
Sleeping Beauty

Sleeping Beauty Wakes Up After Single Dose of Narcan

MEDIEVAL ENGLAND - In a last ditch effort to prevent intubation for airway protection, Sleeping Beauty - also known as Princess Aurora, the daughter of King Stefan and Queen Leah - was given 0.4 mg...