Internal Medicine

Salivation Army

Salivation Army Collects Record Number of Oral Secretions for Those in Need

LONDON, ENGLAND - The Salivation Army, an organization renowned all the world over for its charitable efforts, has announced that a recent donation drive ending this past week has produced over 5 billion gallons of oral...
Chipotle foodborne-illness menu

Staying True to Their Identity, Chipotle Launches New Foodborne-Illness Menu

DENVER, CO - Chipotle admittedly had a rough 2016 but was surprised to see its customers stay loyal to the brand.  Realizing they can really get away with anything, Chipotle has released its new...

New Journal of Negative Studies Announced

BOSTON, MA - The medical community is abuzz today with the announcement of the new Journal of Negative Studies.  The journal, which will focus on studies that showed no effect on patient outcomes, will...

Nation’s Arteries Brace for Impact of Chipotle’s New Queso

SACRAMENTO, CA – Speaking at a press conference last Saturday, a local left renal artery expressed “grave concern” amongst itself and the billions of arteries & arterioles across the United States in response to...

The Michael Jordan of Interns Retires After Curing His 6th Patient

CLEVELAND, OH - We all know Dr. Mark Jeffries by now.  He is the Michael Jordan of interns.  Setting records by storm, Jeffries has set the medical world on fire.  As an intern at the Cleveland...
troponin bump

Intern Has Mild Troponin Bump Over Patient’s Mild Troponin Bump

NASHVILLE, TN - After seeing her patient with chest pain develop a mild troponin bump up to 0.25 on this morning's set of labs, new Vanderbilt University internal medicine intern Melanie Izard has herself...
Nathan's

Cardiologist Excited to Cath Winner of Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest

CONEY ISLAND, NY - Less than 24 hours away from the annual Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest on the Coney Island boardwalk, Mount Sinai cardiologist Maxine Richter is absolutely giddy with emotion as she...
endotracheal tube cough suppressant

Musical Endotracheal Tubes Brighten Up ICU

SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Intensive care units (ICU) are notoriously grim environments, filled with scenes of grief and worry.  But thanks to a new line of musical endotracheal tubes produced by Party-Goof novelties, the...

Intern Put Into Timeout Cage to Think About What She Did

EL PASO, TX - New medical intern Lilah Pepper was placed into a timeout cage by her team on rounds earlier today as punishment, and sincerely hope once the door is locked shut it...
pneumothorax

July Intern Really Excited to Cause His Very First Pneumothorax

ATLANTA, GA - Sometimes getting thrown into the fire is the best way to learn.  At least that's what July intern Timothy McDuffy thinks.  Less than 24 hours into his first day as a...

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