elderly patient

Elderly Man Admitted with MI Requests Pediatrics Consult

ORLANDO, FL—Bobby Kidman, an elderly man admitted to the hospital today with a suspected myocardial infarction bizarrely rejected a cardiology consultation and instead requested only a pediatrics one, because, really, he’s just a kid...
whole milk

Surgeon General: Generation of Adults, Unwisely Formula-Fed as Infants, Should Start Getting Breastfed Now

WASHINGTON, DC—Mrs. Beaumont came home early one day last week and walked in on her 50-year-old husband sucking on the nipple of a gorgeous and engorged woman a quarter century younger than him. But...

Genetics Professor Uses Students as Examples During Dysmorphology Lecture

“As future physicians, it’s absolutely essential for you to be able to recognize features of genetic disorders in your patients,” Dr. Lena Lombardo stated, moving to a PowerPoint slide featuring a child with Down...

Vaping Company Denies New Breastmilk-Flavored E-Cigarette Targets Newborn

SEATTLE, WA—A Seattle-based vaping company has been forced into damage control amidst claims that its new e-cigarette targets newborns. The basis for the claims arises from the fact that the new e-cigarette is breastmilk-flavored...
barrage pages

Intrepid Med-Peds Explorers Set Out to Search for Rumored Med-Peds Hospitalist Jobs

YUKON TERRITORY, CANADA - Dispatches from the frozen north today report that a group of 40 brave Med-Peds physicians have set out into the Yukon territory in search for fabled Med-Peds Hospitalist jobs. For many...
APGAR 10 Apgart Apgar(t) troponin troponins

New Apgar(t) Score to Check Troponins 1 & 5 Minutes After Birth

WASHINGTON, D.C. - The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) is modifying the Apgar score to an Apgar(t) score in which troponins will be checked on a newborn infant both 1 and 5...

Newborn Nursery’s Infant Capacity Increases 50% by Hiring Former Tetris Champion

ATLANTA, GA – The Newborn Nursery at Swedish Covenant Hospital has seen a dramatic increase in their patient capacity after hiring a former Tetris champion to maximize placement of babies. Stephen Glasgow, who from...

Nasogastric Broccoli, Brussels Sprouts Recommended for Children Who Refuse to Eat Vegetables

With parents struggling to get their kids to eat their vegetables, some doctors have developed a new workaround. “We used to just use nasogastric (NG) tubes for our patients who couldn’t swallow safely,” said Pediatrician...

Paediatricians Add An “A” To Specialty In Attempt To Improve Earning Potential

ORLANDO, FL - In his opening remarks at the American Academy of Paediatrics annual meeting AAP President, Dr. Kyle Yasuda, announced that the specialty will add an “a” and congratulated all attendees on now...

Diaper Blowout Grading Scale Released by AAP

WASHINGTON, DC - The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) and the American Nursing Association (ANA) sponsored: Multidisciplinary Diaper Change Task Force released a consensus grading scale which will improve charting, and clarify communication regarding...