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ACP low back pain anything

ACP Guidelines for Low Back Pain: “Anything, ANYTHING But Opioids”

PHILADELPHIA, PA - Last week, the American College of Physicians (ACP) published new recommendations for the management of nonradicular low back pain in the...

Top 5 Medical Practices of 2016

The list is out, the critics have weighed in, and of course a list was generated.  The TOP MEDICAL PRACTICES of 2016 are here....
pathology slide

Pathology Slide Fills Out Poor Satisfaction Survey About Pathologist

BOCA RATON, FL - Area pathologist Dr. Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram was informed by Madre De Díos Hospital CEO Chaz Moneybags that his pay will be cut...
hand dryer

Powerful New Hand Dryer Can Dry, Detach Hands in 8 Seconds

EAST LONGMEADOW, MA - Manufacturer of XLERATOR hand dryers, Excel Dryer, has announced that it has produced their most powerful hand dryer yet, called...

Breaking: Patient Reports 9 Out of 10 (Emotional) Pain

SAN DIEGO, CA - Laura Martin reported that she was in pain when her nurse came to check in on her. "How bad is your...
gauze

Mildly Annoyed Surgeon Throws 4×4 Gauze Across Operating Room

KEOKUK, IA – According to reports from Mercy Hospital, local general surgeon Greg McKelvey became so mildly frustrated by the OR staff, that he threw...

Surgeon General Appointment: Trump Forgot About Dre

COMPTON, CA - Despite plans for President Donald Trump to appoint Dr. Mehmet Oz as Surgeon General of the United States, it appears as though...
gauze for abscess

Scented Packing Gauze Makes Abscesses Fresh and Fun

PROVIDENCE, RI - The field of wound care is taking note of a new line of whimsically-scented wound packing products pioneered by Quintac Hospital. ...
bone day skeleton

Orthopedic Surgeon General Declares Today “National Bone Day”

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Orthopedic Surgeon General of the United States Dr. Brock Hammersley has announced he will declare today a national holiday honoring all...
Chaplain Jovi

Chaplain Bon Jovi’s Advice: “We’re Halfway There, WHOA, Livin’ on a Prayer!!”

SAYREVILLE, NJ - Asked to comment on life at Slippery When Wet Medical Center (SWWMC), hospital chaplain Jon Bon Jovi looked at his patient list and...
butterflies stomach

Nervous Patient’s KUB Shows Butterflies in Her Stomach

LOS ANGELES, CA - A 44-year-old female was preparing for a big work-related speech when she presented to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center with anxiety and...
sodium tricarbonate tricarb

Woohoo!! Scientists Discover Sodium Tricarb!!

BETHESDA, MD - Look out, everyone, things just got real exciting!  Scientists have made a discovery that is sure to change the face of medicine...
prior authorization prior auth eternity

Study: Average Wait Time for Prior Authorization is Eternity

CHICAGO, IL - A recent web-based survey conducted by the American Medical Association (AMA) of 1,000 physicians who have recently attempted requests for prior authorization...
glycolysis laid

Glycolysis & Other Medical Terms That’ll Get You Laid Tonight

Health care professionals are notoriously sleep-deprived, irritable, and unsexy creatures who roam the hospital floors.  It is no wonder that these people, who have...
Pfizer box of medications

Pfizer Releases Box of Assorted Medications for Valentine’s Day

SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Pharmaceutical giant Pfizer has announced plans to release a limited-edition box of assorted medications in time for Valentine’s Day.  The...

Valentine’s Day Tease: Stethoscopes in Sexy Positions

WARNING: The following images of sexy stethoscopes in suggestive positions are appropriate only for health care providers older than the age of 18.  (Click...
toliet flushing medications

So You Dropped Your Pager into the Toilet, What to Do Next

You're on-call, but before sh*t hits the fan, you hit the toilet.  Just when you're pulling up your pants or fixing your belt, you...
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