Earth’s Finest Medical Satire and News


Hot Off The Press

In a move sparked by the popularity of the horror movie franchise, The Purge, The Joint Commission for the Accreditation of Hospital Organizations (JCAHO) has announced the institution of an annual “Patient Safety Purge” for hospitals throughout the United...
skinny jeans sepsis

Skinny jeans increase venous return in sepsis

A recent study out of Northside, Cincinnati claims all-cause mortality benefit in sepsis with addition of skinny jeans to early goal directed therapy.  It...
relaxation

Woman Struggling with Infertility: “Just Relax and It’ll Happen”

Indianapolis, IN--Thanks to a remarkable medical breakthrough called “Just relax and it'll happen,” Sarah Silver, 39, finally gave birth to a beautiful set of twin...
Insomnia

Hillary Cures Insomnia with Yet Another Boring Speech

PHILADELPHIA, PA - The woefully uncharismatic Hillary Clinton has cured insomnia in all Americans with yet another boring speech, this time delivered while accepting...
zdogg

ZDoggMD – “Once I was 7 years old” – Time to put Primary Care...

ZDoggMD produces yet another gem.  It is time to put Primary Care first again!!!  Join the ZDogg revolution, we have! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jV9RyXQyQ7Q    
new medical app

New Innovations Creates Duty Hours Generator to Help Residents Fudge Logs

In an effort to help streamline the duty hour lying process, residency management website New Innovations has created a “random hours generator” that will...
mimosa

Night Shift Nurse Associates Sunrise with Mimosas

28-year-old nightshift nurse Rene Wilkins has come to appreciate sunrise for several reasons, one to include drinking multiple mimosas at John’s Breakfast Hut at...
herpes, Hillary Clinton

Hillary Launches New Public Health Campaign: “I’m with Her-pes”

WASHINGTON, DC – In an effort to raise awareness for the rising rates of genital herpes across all age groups in the U.S., Hillary...
post call texting

New Study: Clinical Decision-Making Impaired After 30-Hour Calls Based on Post-Call Spikes in Texts...

ANN ARBOR, MI - The past few years have witnessed several efforts to categorically study the effects of extended calls on residents’ satisfaction, performance, and...

An Internist’s Guide to the Description of Rashes

Dermatologic conditions and rashes can be hard to describe.  Don't have time to refresh on those terms?  Don't you fret!  Rather than ask a...
burned out physician

Rampant Burnout Among Stock Photo Models Who Pose As Burned-Out Doctors

BOCA RATON, FL - The CDC has just released an unsettling report suggesting that stock photo models who pose as burned-out doctors are themselves...

Hospital Rat Mistaken for Pokémon

CHICAGO, IL - Northwestern University Hospital had a false alarm Saturday, where several employees mistook a hospital rat for a rare Pokémon.  "I was...
vaccination

Startling Report: CDC Recommends AGAINST Vaccinations, Anti-Vaxxers Now Demanding Their Right to Vaccinate

ATLANTA, GA - After a funding change, the CDC completed a meta-analysis using super statistical procedures and skewed graph scales, which showed that the...

Headlines from the Week in Medical News

ROCHESTER, NY - After two-year grant-writing process, associate professor of medicine’s submission to JAMA’s “funny cartoon caption contest” fails peer review process. AKRON, OH -...