Warren Beauty Oscars anesthesia

Warren Beatty, La La Land Blame Oscar Best Picture Mix-Up on Anesthesia

HOLLYWOOD, CA - In a stunning and unprecedented finish to the Oscars last night, presenters Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway had announced "La La Land" as winner of Best Picture.  But during the "La La...
fullest code

Patient to be “Fullest Code Possible”

KEARNEY, NE - In what should not be considered abnormal in our day and age, the family of Billy Rubin demanded that the 89-year-old resident of a local SNF and frequent flier at Kind...
gauze

Mildly Annoyed Surgeon Throws 4×4 Gauze Across Operating Room

KEOKUK, IA – According to reports from Mercy Hospital, local general surgeon Greg McKelvey became so mildly frustrated by the OR staff, that he threw a single 4 x 4-inch piece of gauze across the operating...
gauze for abscess

Scented Packing Gauze Makes Abscesses Fresh and Fun

PROVIDENCE, RI - The field of wound care is taking note of a new line of whimsically-scented wound packing products pioneered by Quintac Hospital.  After a promising pilot program with a cinnamon prototype, medical...
external fixator Tom Price Washington Monument

Secretary Tom Price Places Ex-Fix on Washington Monument

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Less than 24 hours after his Senate confirmation, orthopedic surgeon and new Secretary of Health and Human Services Dr. Tom Price didn't waste any time getting his hands dirty (yet keeping...
pilot

Radiologist Responds to In-Flight Emergency, Hedges, Asks Pilot to Clinically Correlate

ATLANTIC OCEAN - On a flight from Boca Raton to New York City, Air Trump One (Donald Trump's private jet) reported a medical emergency to the Federal Aviation Administration command center.  A radiologist on...
CDC headquarters, ignore, anti-vaxxer cooties

CDC Recommends Against All Human Interaction

ATLANTA, GA - Citing people as a major cause of epidemics, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) hopes to eliminate infections once and for all by recommending against any and all human interaction....

Burnout Cured by Seeing More Patients, Putting in More Hours

HARTFORD, CT - A recent study conducted by the Society of Hospital Administration concluded that the most effective way to cure physician burnout is to see more patients and put in more hours.  “We...

Falcons Blame Super Bowl Loss on Anesthesia

HOUSTON, TX - The New England Patriots came back from a 25-point deficit to complete the greatest comeback in Super Bowl history, winning 34-28 in overtime (OT) against the Atlanta Falcons in Super Bowl...
rhabdo

Forrest Gump Still in Rhabdo 30 Years After Epic Cross-Country Run

BIRMINGHAM, AL - Though it has been three decades since his historic three-and-a-half year cross-country run brought him national attention, Birmingham Medical Center (BMC) reports that Forrest Gump is still in rhabdomyolysis (or rhabdo)...

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