orthopod bury bone backyard

Orthopod Rushes Home to Bury Bone in the Backyard

AUSTIN, TX - Unable to contain his excitement any longer with a freshly-harvested femur in his right paw, orthopedic surgeon Brock Hammersley bolted out of the operating room, tongue salivating and tail wagging, and...
troponin bump

Intern Has Mild Troponin Bump Over Patient’s Mild Troponin Bump

NASHVILLE, TN - After seeing her patient with chest pain develop a mild troponin bump up to 0.25 on this morning's set of labs, new Vanderbilt University internal medicine intern Melanie Izard has herself...
Nathan's

Cardiologist Excited to Cath Winner of Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest

CONEY ISLAND, NY - Less than 24 hours away from the annual Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest on the Coney Island boardwalk, Mount Sinai cardiologist Maxine Richter is absolutely giddy with emotion as she...

Intern Put Into Timeout Cage to Think About What She Did

EL PASO, TX - New medical intern Lilah Pepper was placed into a timeout cage by her team on rounds earlier today as punishment, and sincerely hope once the door is locked shut it...
pneumothorax

July Intern Really Excited to Cause His Very First Pneumothorax

ATLANTA, GA - Sometimes getting thrown into the fire is the best way to learn.  At least that's what July intern Timothy McDuffy thinks.  Less than 24 hours into his first day as a...
fire

Breaking: Interns Literally Being Thrown into the Fire

ATLANTA, GA - For brand new interns, July 1 is the day where they often feel like they're being thrown into the fire.  For five really unfortunate interns at Georgia Medical Center (GMC), their Internal Medicine...
55-hour ENERGY

FDA Approves 55-Hour ENERGY for Incoming July Interns

WASHINGTON, DC - In a major win for soon-to-be-exhausted incoming July interns at residency programs across the land, the Food & Drug Administration (FDA) has approved 55-hour ENERGY drinks effective immediately since improved work conditions...
turkey sandwich haldol diets

New Haldol Creamy Spread Added to Emergency Room Sandwiches

PROVIDENCE, RI - Health care providers are raving about a new haloperidol-based condiment that can be surreptitiously added to almost any hospital meal tray, allowing patients to be gratified and sedated simultaneously. The appetizing creation...
fever defervesce

Fed Up ID Doctor Wishes Everyone Would F**king Defervesce Already

EL PASO, TX - "Fevers, fevers, everywhere I look, someone's got a f**king fever!!" Dr. Ryan Keeley was heard muttering down a hallway at Las Palmas Medical Center.  "People, for the love of God,...
National Spelling Bee dysdiadochokinesia

National Spelling Bee Update: All 291 Kids Eliminated After Failing to Spell “Dysdiadochokinesia”

WASHINGTON, D.C. - For the first time in the history of the Scripps National Spelling Bee, all 291 of the country's best young spellers were eliminated in last night's finals after failing to spell...

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