Burnout Cured by Seeing More Patients, Putting in More Hours

HARTFORD, CT - A recent study conducted by the Society of Hospital Administration concluded that the most effective way to cure physician burnout is to see more patients and put in more hours.  “We...

Falcons Blame Super Bowl Loss on Anesthesia

HOUSTON, TX - The New England Patriots came back from a 25-point deficit to complete the greatest comeback in Super Bowl history, winning 34-28 in overtime (OT) against the Atlanta Falcons in Super Bowl...
rhabdo

Forrest Gump Still in Rhabdo 30 Years After Epic Cross-Country Run

BIRMINGHAM, AL - Though it has been three decades since his historic three-and-a-half year cross-country run brought him national attention, Birmingham Medical Center (BMC) reports that Forrest Gump is still in rhabdomyolysis (or rhabdo)...
Sleeping Beauty

Sleeping Beauty Wakes Up After Single Dose of Narcan

MEDIEVAL ENGLAND - In a last ditch effort to prevent intubation for airway protection, Sleeping Beauty - also known as Princess Aurora, the daughter of King Stefan and Queen Leah - was given 0.4 mg...
pillow

Intern Describes Patient’s Pillow as Soft, Nontender

SACRAMENTO, CA - Intern Dale Sheppard went to see one of his patients early this morning, only to find her stewing because the pillows were uncomfortable and, as a result, didn't sleep well.  Not only...
Ancef pump

Orthopod Caught Auscultating Ancef Pump

ATLANTA, GA - "Shhh," orthopedic surgeon Thor Hammersley told befuddled onlookers as he used a stethoscope (or, as he puts it, "a mini jump rope") to carefully listen to one of his must trusted friends, the Ancef pump. ...

Unbelievable: Trump Signs Executive Order to Limit ER Usage

WASHINGTON, D.C. - The executive orders (EO) just keep coming.  President Donald Trump just signed an EO stating: "No one is allowed to go to the Emergency Room with a cold."  What?!  Is he...
chemotherapy

FDA Approves Groundbreaking Postmortem Chemotherapy Protocol

BOCA RATON, FL - Sending shockwaves throughout the medical community, the Food & Drug Administration approved a postmortem chemotherapy regimen to be administered after a patient has passed away from cancer. The protocol will...

Obstetrician Preferred to be Called ‘Vagician’

TARNIHONNOK, MD - Local OB/GYN or self proclaimed vagician, Dr. Fredrick Schmidt, refuses to wear traditional scrubs in the delivery room.  He'll dim the lights, start the smoke machine, queue The Final Countdown, and then...
femur stethoscope

Orthopod Caught Listening to Femur with Stethoscope

ATLANTA, GA - In an awkward moment at a patient's bedside earlier today, orthopedic surgeon Thor Hammersley was caught doing what can only be described as a head-scratcher: auscultating his patient's surgically-repaired femur with a stethoscope. "I...

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