ventilator

Ventilator More Effective When Connected to Endotracheal Tube

KEARNEY, NE - It was a close call for Kind Humanitarian Hospital's Dr. Dan G. Ross of when his ventilated patient started to desaturate.  The brand-new intern was left alone with the critically-ill patient...
physician on toilet paper coffee sit-to-sh*t 29 seconds

Study: Average Coffee Sip-to-Sh*t Time is 29 Seconds

AUSTIN, TX - It is well-known that coffee stimulates the morning number twos in about 30% of people who drink the life-sustaining nectar.  A new study in the New England Journal of Defecation has...
cheetos sign

New Cheetos Finger Decision Rule for Abdominal Pain

Anderson, CA –In a bold move, the Emergency Physicians at St Vincent Hospital in Anderson California have introduced the “Cheetos Fingers” sign into their diagnostic decision making algorithm. The high costs of abdominal and...
avalanche past medical history chief complaint

Buried Under Avalanche of Past Medical History, Rescue Underway to Save Chief Complaint

NEW ORLEANS, LA - Nascent intern Jesse D'Amato was only part-way through the opening line of his history of present illness (HPI) when supervising Tulane University internal medicine attending Amy Zabrocki promptly sounded a Code...

New Study Finds CRNAs Just as Good at Taking Breaks as Anesthesiologists

BOSTON, MA – A new study published in the Journal of the American Association of Nurse Anesthetists found that CRNA’s are just as proficient and effective at taking breaks as their physician counterparts.  The...

TV Show “Doctor Who” Changes Name to “Nurse Who” After Realizing There Are No...

LONDON, ENGLAND - The producers of Doctor Who made a huge mistake: they cast a woman to be the next Doctor Who.  After Jodie Whittaker's signature was dry on the contract, the show-runners, Dallas Livingston...

New Attending Receives First Paycheck, Transforms into Fully Developed Republican

WATERLOO, IA - Shortly after receiving his first paycheck, Trent Perry, a physician in his first year of practice, finally emerged from his cocoon of liberalism as a fully developed Republican.  When asked to...
McFarction

Breaking: Ronald McDonald Suffers ST-Elevation McFarction

OAK BROOK, IL - Beloved clown mascot Ronald McDonald has suffered another heart attack this morning, and was taken to Oak Brook Medical Center for emergent management, McDonald's President and CEO Steve Easterbrook has...

New Journal of Negative Studies Announced

BOSTON, MA - The medical community is abuzz today with the announcement of the new Journal of Negative Studies.  The journal, which will focus on studies that showed no effect on patient outcomes, will...
orthopod bury bone backyard

Orthopod Rushes Home to Bury Bone in the Backyard

AUSTIN, TX - Unable to contain his excitement any longer with a freshly-harvested femur in his right paw, orthopedic surgeon Brock Hammersley bolted out of the operating room, tongue salivating and tail wagging, and...

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