Surgeon Happiness Declared Risk Factor for Surgical Site Infection by AORN

Denver, CO – AORN President Missi Merlino, MHA, CNOR, CSSM, BFD, WTF, OPP, GED announced a new recommendation this week.  “Based on zero evidence whatsoever, AORN has determined that Surgeon happiness is a risk factor for...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

CDC: Inhale Lysol Before, After Every COVID-19 Encounter

ATLANTA, GA - Based on recent review of the available evidence, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) strongly recommends inhaling Lysol before and after every encounter with a patient with suspected or...

Nurses Excited to Make Their Own PPE

A national shortage of personal protective equipment or PPE is forcing nurses to get creative. "I'm so happy to live in a country where supplies to make my own PPE are readily available!" nurse Shannon...
wound care don't care

Exhausted RN to Go Home with Home Health Services

FORT MYERS, FL - Deconditioned, weak, and perpetually hypoglycemic from such a prolonged hospital shift, exhausted RN Catherine Weal will be sent home with home health services. "It was her sixth straight 12-hour shift, and...

Nurse Entering Thirty-Sixth Hour Trapped in Med Room Trying to Return Med to Pyxis

An on-going watch continues at Northshore Memorial Hospital as Tracy Smith, RN, is stuck at the pyxis trying to return an extra dose of oxycodone she took out by accident. Direct sources (nurses who tried...
urine foley catheter

Eco-Unfriendly Plastic Urinary Catheters Banned, Replaced by Paper Ones

SEATTLE, WA—Following the successful mission to replace hazardous plastic straws with paper ones, environmentalists are now targeting plastic urinary catheters, hoping to swap them out for paper catheters. The push to ban the dangerous plastic...

Nurse Ratched Unretires to Become Preschool Nurse

SALEM, OR—Nurse Ratched, the villainous nurse from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest has come out of retirement to become the new nurse at Randle McMurphy Preschool in Salem, Oregon. It is unclear why...
doctorate of nursing

Nurse Wins Postnomial Abbreviation Pokémon, Catches ‘em All!

El Cajon, CA- When Denise Spense RN, BSN, MSN, FNP, DNP, MHNP, PNP, BLS, ACLS, PALS, ATLS, OCCN, CCRN, MBA, MPH, MHA, LPN, CRNA, GED, BFD, JK, LOL was a freshman in college she...

New Hospital Beds Harder to Figure Out Than Acid-Base

NASHVILLE, TN - Medical staff at Nashville Memorial Hospital are completely baffled by a new fleet of hospital beds on Unit 55-G, saying that it's without question easier to solve an acid-base disorder. "Why does...