Thursday, September 17, 2020

Residents Dismiss Report They Rarely Wash White Coats: “We Don’t Wash Our Regular Clothes...

HYGIENE, CO—According to a recent study, doctors rarely, if ever, launder their white lab coats, a nauseating fact given that these coats carry and potentially spread dangerous pathogens. Medical residents, in particular, took issue...

COVID-19: ACGME Redeploys Interns to Check on Healthcare Workers’ Parents

CHICAGO, IL - The Accreditation Council for Graduate Medical Education (ACGME) announced that interns will no longer see patients not only to preserve personal protective equipment (PPE) but also so they can...
medical studnets

New Interns Looming: Hospitals Desperately Race to End Pandemic by July 1st

WASHINGTON, DC—If you thought the Coronavirus pandemic was bad right now, just wait until July 1st, the date most new medical school graduates begin their hospital internships. Early models indicate there will be a...

COVID-19 Solves Resident Duty Hour Problems

When ICU resident Dr. Donna Mursa was called to evaluate a patient with suspected COVID-19, she wasn’t scared at all. She was thrilled. She knew what possibly being infected with coronavirus might mean for...
surgeon tired fusion

Whoops! Sleepy On-Call Resident Checked on Crashing Patient in Her Dream

SLEEPY HOLLOW, NY—Amidst a barrage of serious allegations from hospital staff that, during a recent overnight on-call shift, she neglected a nurse’s request to check on a patient who was in distress and ultimately...
excited medical students

Year-End Bonuses to be Paid Entirely in Educational Experience

Tampa, FL - For hospital CEO John Stevens, 2018 was a great year. Profits reached an all time high, and his board members had received record breaking compensation. In an effort to show his...

Intern honored for shortening length of stay by leaving everyone NPO

Intern Connor was given the distinguished length of stay award by prestigious academic hospital. During his acceptance speech he stated he was not surprised as this has always been “his thing.” Driven by fear...

Nationwide Recall of Cadavers Issued After One Found Alive in Anatomy Lab

ENCINO, CA—A nationwide recall of human cadavers was issued today after a petrified group of anatomy students at a California medical school discovered a major defect in its cadaver: It was still alive. Yesterday morning,...
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Laparoscopic Training Box Septic After Practice Session with Interns

An inanimate training apparatus, made up of a plastic box with holes to place a laparoscopic camera and graspers, is in critical condition after a practice session with a group of surgical interns. The...

Psychiatry Residents Estimate that 30% of Consults are for Comatose Patients

Dr. Charles Willis scowls at his beeping pager for interrupting his lunch break. “Christ almighty, I can’t sit down for a couple hours without this damn thing going off,” he grumbles, hauling himself out...