Sunday, November 8, 2020

COVID-19 Solution: In Event of Vent Shortage, Med Students Will Bag Indefinitely

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CHANTILLY, VA - In the unfortunate but very possible event a surge of COVID-19 hospitalizations leads to a shortage of ventilators, the American Medical Student Association (AMSA) announced medical students will bravely...
gunner med student

Match Day! Med Students Find Out Where They’ll Be Ruling-Out COVID-19 on July 1st

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - Though Match Day celebrations have been canceled nationwide, that won't stop fourth-year medical students from experiencing the shear joy of finding out where they will be constantly ruling-out novel...

Med Students Revolt! No One Notices

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In an unprecedented move, medical students at University of Woeisme have joined forces and staged the largest revolt ever executed on school grounds. Citing discontent with undocumented 100-hour workweeks, condescending patients, disparaging residents, being...

MS-IV Doesn’t Match After Failing to Post Board Scores on Facebook

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James Thomas, a fourth-year medical student, went unmatched this year after he failed to report his passing board scores on his Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and LinkedIn accounts. Thomas was unable to secure a spot in...
standardized patient

Breaking: Standardized Patient Leaves AMA

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TALLAHASSEE, FL - Standardized patient Lily Huron has left against medical advice (AMA) once she game to grips that none of these medical students would cave in and give her IV Dilaudid,...
excited medical students

Year-End Bonuses to be Paid Entirely in Educational Experience

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Tampa, FL - For hospital CEO John Stevens, 2018 was a great year. Profits reached an all time high, and his board members had received record breaking compensation. In an effort to show his...

Thanksgiving Miracle: Medical Student Bovies Family Turkey, Remembers to Suction Smoke

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Arlington, Virginia -- This Thanksgiving third year medical student at the University of Virginia and future general surgeon Tucker McMahon offered to carve the family turkey. Relatives were surprised when McMahon switched to Bovie...

Cardiothoracic Surgeon Identifies as Medical Student, Crushes Surgery Rotation

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When asked if she felt like she had an unfair advantage against clearly weaker competition, Dr. Beer was unapologetic. “I felt like a student in my heart so I was just living my true self.”
autopsy

Nationwide Recall of Cadavers Issued After One Found Alive in Anatomy Lab

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ENCINO, CA—A nationwide recall of human cadavers was issued today after a petrified group of anatomy students at a California medical school discovered a major defect in its cadaver: It was still alive. Yesterday morning,...
Delta WiFi bicarb

Med Student Stumped When Pilot Asks, “Anyone On Board a Doctor?”

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FLYOVER COUNTRY, USA—While flying cross-country from California to New York, Simon Garvey’s worst nightmare came true: an elderly female passenger fainted, and there was an urgent need for medical assistance. When the pilot asked,...