surgeon biopsy malignant

Residency Program Biopsied, Found to Be Malignant

BOSTON, MA - After undergoing biopsy last week at the insistence of several concerned fourth-year medical students who matched at its program, Pathology has just finalized its report, declaring that the Internal Medicine Residency...
Match Day

Hillary Clinton Suffers Huge Loss as She Goes Unmatched on Match Day

CHAPPAQUA, NY - In what can only be described as the biggest disappointment of Hillary Clinton’s storied life, Gomerblog just learned Clinton has gone unmatched for this year’s NRMP Match Day.  A favorite in all...
brown nose metastasizes

Med Student’s Brown Nose Metastasizes to Liver, Lungs

CHICAGO, IL - Despite the repeated warnings from numerous residents and attendings to alter the trajectory of his health and well-being, the brown nose of 26-year-old second-year University of Chicago medical student Alejandro Garcia has unfortunately metastasized...
heartbeat pulse

Med Student Figures Out Heart Rate: Count Beats in a Day, Divide by 24...

CHARLESTON, SC - In a classic case of medical student inefficiency, fourth year Tommy Reinhardt has informed his medicine team that he plans on calculating his patient's heart rate (beats per minute) in an unusual...
foley

Medical School Approves 3rd Year Surgical Rotation as Indication for Foley

IOWA CITY, IA – Carver College of Medicine has taken a bold stance on the need for urinary catheterization to prevent recurrent acute kidney injury (AKI) in third-year medical students on their surgical rotations....
oxidative phosphorylation

Med Student Yammering About Oxidative Phosphorylation, Kill Us Now

LAS VEGAS, NV - Second-year University of Nevada Las Vegas (UNLV) medical student Karen Weaselsnout-Jones continues to cement her legacy as the most annoying gunner of all-time, this time by choosing to give her...
glycolysis laid

Glycolysis & Other Medical Terms That’ll Get You Laid Tonight

Health care professionals are notoriously sleep-deprived, irritable, and unsexy creatures who roam the hospital floors.  It is no wonder that these people, who have not had any meaningful human interaction outside of patient care...

Valentine’s Day Tease: Stethoscopes in Sexy Positions

WARNING: The following images of sexy stethoscopes in suggestive positions are appropriate only for health care providers older than the age of 18.  (Click to enlarge.)
toliet flushing medications

So You Dropped Your Pager into the Toilet, What to Do Next

You're on-call, but before sh*t hits the fan, you hit the toilet.  Just when you're pulling up your pants or fixing your belt, you hear that distinctive splash into the muddy waters below: your...
excited medical students

Program Director Elated Residency Will Completely Fill This Year with Multiple Candidates Announcing His...

TOLEDO, OH - Program Director of Internal Medicine Dr. Marcus Jones is ecstatic his program will fully match this year with the large amount of candidates exclaiming his program is their number one choice. "It's...

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