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After 25th Stain, Doctor Finally Decides to Wash White Coat

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NEW YORK, NY – Physician Joel Winters had not washed his white coat in over 10 years.  However, after acquiring a 25th stain today while caring for a patient with profuse C. diff diarrhea, Winters finally succumbed and decided that it was time to wash his white coat.

laundry“It’s time, it’s just time,” Winters said sadly, as he placed his white coat into a plastic grocery bag to take to the cleaners later.  “That C. diff is a game-changer.”

For years, Winters has been reluctant to wash his white coat despite numerous complaints from patients, families, and fellow colleagues.  The reason had never been clear.  “Dr. Winters is a fantastic person and doctor,” said nurse Janet Summers.  “All the more reason why he wore that awful thing.  It looked like a Jackson Pollock painting.”

Many thought it was due to laziness, but Winters was always thorough in his work and care for his patients.  Though many theories have been suggested over the past decade, many now believe that it represents a time capsule or scrapcoat of memories.

“Who can forever forget the Ketchup Incident of 2007 or Hematemesis 2012?” said physician assistant August Williams.  “I think every kind of bodily fluid has ended up on that white coat.  And breakfast food, for sure.  When I look at Dr. Winters and his white coat, it makes me reflect on my career over the past 10 years.”

Winters says there’s the usual blood, sweat, and tears on his white coat.  There’s also phlegm, vomit, stool, spinal fluid, joint fluid, amniotic fluid, and peritoneal fluid.  He’s accumulated egg, bacon, ketchup, mustard, avocado, tuna salad, barbecue sauce, and grits on there.  There are random streaks of pen, marker, and crayons (at least 5 colors) too.  The largest and oldest stain is from when he tripped and landed in a muddy puddle nearly 10 years ago to this day.

“God knows, that thing is probably colonized by every organism ever,” said friend and disgusted infectious diseases specialist Leah Springer.  “Honestly, that thing doesn’t need a dry cleaner.  That thing needs to be autoclaved.”

So what happens now?

“I’m pretty sure I’m going to get grief about my tie next,” said Winters, gesturing at his crusty, smelly, wrinkled, and out-of-style necktie.  “We’ve got 20 stains on this one.  It’s a beauty.  I think we can hit 26 stains on this one.”

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  • Avatar
    Peter M DeReus

    That’s where my ancestry starts so I’m not surprised!!

  • Avatar
    Dutch Daffodil

    Wow, I know a Peter De Reus who lives in The Netherlands.

  • Avatar
    Stacy Ong

    Who in the hell chose white?

  • Avatar
    Stacy Ong

    Who in the hell chose white?

  • Avatar
    Stacy Ong

    He had that nurse trained

  • Avatar
    Stacy Ong

    He had that nurse trained

  • Avatar
    Andrew Smith

    I would NEVER wash my white coat. It shall carry the stains of all my patients

  • Avatar
    Donna Marie Maglione

    Nosocomial infections anyone?

  • Avatar
    Ross Kemp

    Andrew Smith, I feel like this could be you

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    Marylyn Madden-Maddox

    I always washed and ironed my scrub jacket. One day in surgery a nasty nasty sweaty attending backed away from the OR table and walked over to where my jacket hung on the door, bent down and swiped his brow across my jacket. Ugh!!!

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    Judy Downing

    That is disgusting, I would not allow him near me.

  • Avatar
    Stanlee Lu

    E.coli and his friends will grow profusely.

  • Avatar
    Lisa Bolton

    I wasn’t aware it was supposed to be washed? Oops!

  • Avatar
    Karen Spielman Graham

    Eeeeeoooowwww! Infection control–someone!!!!

  • Avatar
    Freida Fontenot

    An infection control nurses nightmare

  • Avatar
    Derek LeJeune

    What?

  • Avatar
    Freida Fontenot

    Lol that is so cute

  • Avatar
    Laurie Lafont LeJeune

    Derek LeJeune

  • Avatar
    David Dahlen

    It would be nice if MD’s washed their hands once in awhile!

  • Avatar
    Angie Stratton

    Every time I see a stethoscope scrunchie I question the cleanliness of the scope and sanity of the person who decided to keep the 90s alive on their professional equipment.

  • Avatar
    Geraldine Epping

    Oren Friedman

  • Avatar
    Jaime Gauggel-Adleta

    I wash mine, put it on, and IMMEDIATELY drip coffee down the lapel. Never. Fails.

  • Avatar
    Melissa Harwell

    I realize this is satire, but ewww. Just ewww.
    Anyways, I’m more afraid of ties or ::shutter:: stethoscope covers

  • Avatar
    Anne Moore

    Allie Pierce

  • Avatar
    Gretchen Myers

    Yuck!

  • Avatar
    Matt Malkin

    The joy of anesthesia is having the only stains on your white coat being coffee from conference. Don’t ask too many questions about scrubs, though.

  • Avatar
    Twotwotwo Twice

    I had an excuse — my washing machine needed major surgery to replace the transmission clutch. It is a $10 part, but all the guts have to be temporarily removed to get to it; no laparoscopic technique possible. I was never trained in Whirlpool organ transplants.

  • Avatar
    Val Beck

    Paul Taglienti…. The bathroom floor?

  • Avatar
    Abbey Eckman

    In medical school and use my coat once a week…what’s worse is our anatomy lab coats

  • Avatar
    Phil Petty

    Why? it just gets dirty again, the moment you put it on.

  • Avatar
    Larry Frechette

    Some kind of neat freak?

  • Avatar
    Lisa Barber

    totally!!! i had to finally clean my shoes because they were covered in blood.

  • Avatar
    Rebecca Reed

    Haven’t worn a white coat in 14 years!

  • Avatar
    Jeanne Sincavage

    I knew surgeons who had the same attitude about their OR shoes. It often seemed as if the stains were the only thing maintaining the integrity of the shoes…or the duct tape!

  • Avatar
    Hubert Dłz

    Rush White Coats Ujene Lusciouks

  • Avatar
    Ron Williams

    One neurosurgeon had a habit of leaving his dirty lab coat in the ICU nurses station until one of my fellow OCD RN would take it home and wash it and iron it.

  • Avatar
    Peter M DeReus

    Wait…. we’re supposed to wash them? But mine has a nice shade of yellow known as “bilirubin: 25”.

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    SonyaandSam Crites

    Would love to culture the sleeves of a resident’s lab coat…

  • Avatar
    Anna Okruta

    Yuk, I change mine every day.

  • Avatar
    Kelly Mccormack Vassallo

    I can’t really picture a doctor close enough to cdiff to get it on their coat. Most docs I know sidle away quickly when the scent is detected.

  • Avatar
    Todd Boleman

    Yes!

  • Avatar
    Dawn Pumilia Smith

    Scrapcoat of memories!!!

  • Avatar
    Alejandra Pearlman

    Hey those stains remind us of the good times

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