Tired of Its Advice Being Ignored, CDC Kicks America Out of Its Practice
ATLANTA, GA—Frustrated that no one is listening to their Covid-19 recommendations, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) announced today that it had no choice but to kick the American public out of...
Pharmacology Course Cancelled After Study Suggests It Influences Med Students’ Future Prescribing Behavior
WASHINGTON, DC—Citing new research from the Pharmaceutical Research & Manufacturers of America (PhRMA) that indicates physicians prescribe drugs they learned about in medical school at a far higher rate than those they did not,...
The Latest Fashion Trend for the Fall: Chin Hammocks
The fall is here and with it, comes the latest fashion trends for the coolest and hippest of people of the world: those who are immune not only to a virus but also to...
New Surgical Intern Faints at Sight of Blood Pressure
LITTLE FALLS, MN—Dr. Daya Stolick, a new surgical intern, hardly broke a sweat when there was a massive amount of blood loss during her first operative case, expertly helping her attending stop the hemorrhaging....
Ass**** Novel Coronavirus waiting to mutate until vaccine has been developed
Scientists discover that the novel Corona virus is more of a prick than they had originally thought. It’s viral machinery, although devoid of any identifiable “nervous tissue” or “brain” has apparently developed the ability...
Song of the Diverticulite (Morphine on High at 3am)
All the bickering of which is best
The song, the canvass, the word, the marbled stone,
The rest
Pittance such luxury
Lacking any test
Pittance yes!
Void of existential quest
Ver-Sed, Ver-Sed
Who maketh thee?
Who taketh thee
And
Sedateth me?
Who bends me forward
to hit...
Dr. Fauci announces retirement from NIAID to become Major League Baseball Pitching Coach
Dr. Anthony Fauci, the esteemed director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, announced this morning that he will be stepping down from his position effective immediately. "I have not come to...
DEA Busts Med Student Publication Ring
A years-long undercover operation ended last week with the arrests of over 45 medical students involved in a publication ring. Stacks of abstracts, posters, and a few manuscripts submitted to low-impact journals were confiscated...
Concerning: August Intern Asks ‘What’s Covid?’
MIAMI, FL - August medicine intern Austin Moss asked his attending on rounds, "What's Covid?" Residency program leadership has already been alerted to this major red flag.
"I...
90% of Healthcare Workers Unaware N95 Has Eroded into Their Skull
LOS ANGELES, CA - A recent survey found that 90% of healthcare workers in the UCLA Health system were unaware that their N95 masks had partially if not completely eroded into their...
