Monday, July 6, 2020

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Hospital CEOs to Take Multi-Million Dollar Pay Cuts to Finance Hazard Pays

Option 1: Just kidding. Option 2: Pressed by enormous frustration from medical staff around the country working mandatory overtime in unsafe conditions and with limited PPE, the Chief Executive Officers of several major hospital systems have...

White House admin to decrease COVID by turning graph upside down

President Trump announced at a press conference yesterday that the White House would soon be advocating for a new approach to decreasing COVID 19 cases in the U.S. “It has come to our attention that...


Publicists for SARS-CoV-2 and Ebola have announced that the two highly sought after A-list viruses are now joining forces to become this year’s newest power couple. But that’s not even the biggest bombshell. That’s right:...

Doctors shocked to discover patient with low pain tolerance

PHILADELPHIA, PA - Dr. John Payne, an orthopaedist at the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia just announced a shocking discovery he made yesterday, while in his clinic. "I was seeing patients, just like any other...

No Prone Unturned: Critical Care Fellow Empirically Prones Everyone

During this unprecedented surge of COVID-induced lung injury, many critical care providers have been brushing up on their ARDS management. But one physician is being be a little more proactive. In recent weeks, Pulmonary/Critical...

Hypochondriacs Try to Cope with Pandemic: It’s Not Going So Wel

SICKLERVILLE, NJ—Local hypochondriac, Emma Dyne, is not taking any chances with the coronavirus pandemic. For the last month, the 25-year-old healthy woman has worn a mask everywhere she’s gone: her bedroom, the kitchen, and...

Breaking News: Scientists Almost Know What the ‘V’ in COVID Stands For

TULSA, OK- In a major update in the race for a vaccine for COVID-19, we have learned of a promising development from the scientific research community. In what is being described as “groundbreaking”, just mere...

With USMLE Now Pass/Fail, Residency Directors Dread Having to Read Rest of Application

ATLANTA, GA—While medical students everywhere rejoice over the news that Step 1 of the United States Medical Licensing Examination (USMLE) is moving to a Pass/Fail grading system, residency program directors are devastated. Increasingly reliant...

ABIM Rewrites Board Exam: All Questions Now Covid-19-Related

PHILADELPHIA, PA—Recognizing that no other diseases matter anymore, the American Board of Internal Medicine (ABIM) is rewriting its entire 2020 exam so that every single question pertains to Covid-19. “Why would we care if our...