Friday, March 29, 2024

Critical Care

Bell Biv Devoe

Toxicologist Bell Biv DeVoe Confirms: ‘That Girl is Poison’

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BOSTON, MA - After "sensing something strange in my mind" for a few days now, Boston emergency physician and toxiciologist Dr. Bell Biv DeVoe has officially confirmed with Gomerblog that the "situation is serious" and...
stray dart

So You’ve Been Hit by a Stray Dart, What to Do Next

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It happens all the time.  You're hanging out at a bar or friend's house playing a game of darts, when - BAM!! - a dart hits you in the neck.  The adrenaline rush and...
Ctrl+Alt+Del

Computer Resuscitated After 6 Rounds of Ctrl+Alt+Del

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NASHVILLE, TN - Gomerblog is happy to report that a code team at Nashville Medical Center (NMC) has successfully resuscitated an old nurses station computer after 6 rounds of Ctrl+Alt+Del. "The computer became so slow that...
Mannequin Challenge

Code Team Performs Ill-Timed Mannequin Challenge During CPR

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JACKSONVILLE, FL - A code team at Jacksonville Medical Center (JMC) is under investigation after an ill-timed Mannequin Challenge during a cardiac arrest went viral but left a patient in critical condition. "If there is...
CPR dummy manikin

Breaking: Nurse Successfully Resuscitates CPR Dummy Back to Human Life

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NEW ORLEANS, LA - In some incredible news, critical care nurse Margie Casamento at Tulane Medical Center became the first health care practitioner to successful resuscitate a CPR dummy (or CPR manikin) back to human life....
snack cart

Hospital Replaces Crash Carts with Snack Carts

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MARIETTA, GA – Goodbye defibrillators and hello Swedish Fish!  In a rare display of unity, hospital administrators and health care personnel at Marietta Medical Center have unanimously decided to replace crash carts with snack...
nipple twist above-the-nipples

Study: Titty Twist Better Pain Stimulus Than Sternal Rub

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MINNEAPOLIS, MN - Citing expert opinion and personal experience, the American Academy of Neurology (AAN) has put forth new recommendations on the pain stimulus - a technique used by health care providers to assess...
attending physician

Attending Known for Long ICU Rounds Admits She is Actually Just Filibustering Her Crappy...

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At the Pannus University Hospital, there is one specific attending, who preferred to remain anonymous for this article, known for exquisitely long rounds.  Every lab value must be read out loud.  Every differential diagnosis...
wound care don't care

ICU Fellow Inconsolable After Girlfriend Calls for Goals of Care Discussion

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NEW HAVEN, CT - It was supposed to be just a normal overnight shift at a prestigious Connecticut hospital when a hospital janitor found a stranger in scrubs, sobbing behind a bed in a room...
pine bark extract

Doctor Holds Patient’s Pine Bark Extract, Family Furious

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KEARNEY, NE - In what can only described as a sh*tstorm, the family of 84-year-old Edward Dwindles expressed their furor when they found out that patient's doctor, Dr. Sara Quell at Kind Humanitarian Hospital has...