Breaking News: Scientists Almost Know What the ‘V’ in COVID Stands For
TULSA, OK- In a major update in the race for a vaccine for COVID-19, we have learned of a promising development from the scientific...
Criminals Decry “Cultural Appropriation” by Masked Civilians
The latest CDC recommendations for all U.S. citizens to wear face masks when in public has created backlash from an unexpected quarter: career criminals.
Long...
Departmental Didactics Migrated to Jerkmate.com
In light of the ongoing Covid-19 pandemic and the need for social distancing, your department announced today that all future didactics will be conducted...
Cursed 110-Year-Old Describes Living Through Both Spanish Flu & Coronavirus Pandemics
NEW YORK, NY—Calling herself the unluckiest woman ever, 110-year-old Dottie Livingston is one of the few people who has been alive for both the...
Dr. Oz’s Show Set to Return After Study Says His Advice Will Only Kill...
NEW YORK, NY—Dr. Oz’s self-titled talk show, which sadly has been on hiatus due to the coronavirus pandemic, is set to resume tapings immediately...
Coronavirus Tests Positive for Joe Exotic
CHICKASHA, OK—Joe Exotic cannot be stopped. The self-proclaimed “Tiger King,” country musician, master illusionist, former Presidential and gubernatorial candidate, and gun-toting redneck simply cannot...
Covid-19: Newly Released “Contagion 2” Gives People Much-Needed Escape from Reality
HOLLYWOOD, CA—Understanding that Americans desperately need an escape from the non-stop, grim Covid-19 news, Steven Soderbergh, who directed the very popular 2011 original, announced...
Orthopods Now Offering Virtual Bro-fit Classes
Chicago, IL - Orthopaedists always figured their specialty was science-proof. "One day we will have a cure for heart disease, and the cure for...
Nervous American Doctors Refusing to See Patients Who’ve Been to America Recently
NEW YORK, NY—At the height of the Ebola epidemic in 2014, medical offices in America constantly asked patients if they’d recently traveled to Africa,...
COVID-19: ER Doc Relieved Man in Room 9 Just Having a Heart Attack
NEW YORK, NY—Overwhelmed with hordes of COVID-19 patients filling the Emergency Department at Manhattan Medical Center, third-year resident, Dr. Noah Moe Karona, expressed relief...