Ebola Now Airborne, Nation Prepares
ATLANTA, GA - Ebola, the most deadly disease known to man, was confirmed to be airborne by the CDC after an extensive investigation of the case in Dallas. "At first we blamed the nurses...
CDC Releases Revised Ebola Management Policy for Healthcare Workers: Just Burn Everything
WASHINGTON, DC – In the wake of the infection by Ebola of Nurse Nina Pham, who had cared for the first victim of that virus in the United States, the Centers for Disease Control...
Big Pharma Admits They’re Just Trying to Kill Everybody with Vaccines
WASHINGTON, D.C. - In what is being hailed as a huge victory for the anti-vaccine movement, Big Pharma announced to the world today that they've been fooling everyone all along, that vaccines don’t work, and...
Discharged Patient on Contact Precautions in Hospital, Spotted at Local Grocery Store
BALTIMORE, MD – 63-year-old Clarence Deeters was recently discharged from Mercy Hospital after being admitted and treated for urosepsis. While in the hospital for over 8 days, he was placed on contact precautions due to...
Newly’Appointed ‘Ebola Czar’ Quarantines Entire Navy After Learning Ebola Can Be Transmitted by Semen
WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a bold first move since his recent appointment by President Obama as “Ebola Czar,” Ron Klain will quarantine the entire U.S. Navy after learning that the virus is readily carried in...
Texas Ebola Doctor: ‘Nurse, I’ll Be Right Behind You’
DALLAS, TX - Reports are coming in that during the care of the Liberian Ebola victim, the lead physician told his nurse: "Let's go into the room together. I’ll be right behind you." Dr. Wesles,...
Researchers: If Washing Hands Won’t Remove All Germs, Blowing Them Off at High Speeds...
CAMBRIDGE, MA – Researchers from Harvard University have discovered the reason for high-cost hand dryers in bathrooms all over the United States. In public restrooms across America hand dryers blow air, slightly warmer than...
Archaeologist: Ancient Group Claimed Drinking Clean Water Caused Diarrhea
A landmark discovery in southern France occurred this Saturday: scientists uncovered a series of caves that may have been inhabited by humans over 15,000 years ago.
"The most remarkable thing about this cave are the writings...
NY/NJ Ebola Algorithm for People with Recent Travel to Africa
* We truly appreciate you risking your life to treat dying people... just stay away from us. *
** Free to leave includes taking mass transportation and bowling. **
*** Please do not lie where you...
Medical Students Excited to Volunteer for Studies of Ebola Transmission
SACRAMENTO, CA - In the wake of the CDC’s announcement that we still do not fully understand exactly how the Ebola virus is transmitted, several top medical schools have started offering $5 Starbucks gift cards...
