Saturday, July 11, 2020

Infectious Disease

hand washing

Researchers: If Washing Hands Won’t Remove All Germs, Blowing Them Off at High Speeds...

CAMBRIDGE, MA – Researchers from Harvard University have discovered the reason for high-cost hand dryers in bathrooms all over the United States.  In public restrooms across America hand dryers blow air, slightly warmer than...

Point-Counterpoint: I Got Sick from the Flu Shot

Taking the Point will be Janet Flowerbottom, a local herbal supplement shop owner from Boulder, CO.  Taking the Counterpoint is Carl Hogstrom, a pig farmer from Davenport, IA. Point: I was forced into taking the...
staph staff

Chuck Norris Vs. Super Bacteria: Norris Wins

DALLAS, TX – A new super bacteria has emerged in the world and it is feared to be one of most dangerous bugs to date.  It’s name is HN2483 and there is no antibiotic...

Discharged Patient on Contact Precautions in Hospital, Spotted at Local Grocery Store

BALTIMORE, MD – 63-year-old Clarence Deeters was recently discharged from Mercy Hospital after being admitted and treated for urosepsis.  While in the hospital for over 8 days, he was placed on contact precautions due to...

CDC Break Room Found to Be Culprit in New Bacterial Outbreak

ATLANTA, GA - A recent outbreak of a dangerous enterobacteria, brought the Center for Disease Control (CDC) to their own backyard yesterday to search for a cause.  It looks like they may have found what they are looking...

Secret of Successful Weight Loss Clinic: Tape Worms

CARINGTON, IL - Recent controversy regarding a famous weight loss clinic, Let’s Knock It Off!, has the media in a buzz.  Let’s Knock It Off! has been an up-and-coming weight-loss empire, with many Hollywood success stories. Perennial weight-gainer/weight-loser,...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

CDC Plans to Move and Quarantine Unvaccinated Families

ATLANTA, GA - In a move that is sure to spark controversy and protest, the CDC released Proposition 23.4 yesterday which grants state governments the right to quarantine unvaccinated families.  According to the proposal, state...
hand washing

IDSA Releases New Recommendations: Handwashing is Bullsh*t

ARLINGTON, VA - The world of medicine has been rocked early this morning with the release of new recommendations by the Infectious Diseases Society of America (IDSA) that completely undermines one of the cornerstones...
mrsa spider

Devious MRSA Spider Bites Yet Another Antecubital Fossa, Remains at Large

GASTONIA, NC - Following an all-too-familiar recent theme, a new patient was assaulted last week by a psychotic spider rampaging through the South. Earl Wayne Thompson, 31, presented to Our Lady of Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy...

New York Outlaws MRSA

ALBANY, NY - New York legislators recently passed a new law that outlaws MRSA (Methicillin-resistant Staph aureus) in the state of New York.  This new law will make it illegal for one to have MRSA...