ATLANTA, GA – In light of the ongoing coronavirus pandemic, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) is now officially requesting fictional doctors to step in as physicians on the front line. Included in this group are Dr. Evil who graciously waived his typical one gazillion dollar consultation fee, Dr. Dre, Dr. Doolittle, Dr. Oz, Dr. Phil and Dr. Jekyll. Dr. Cox has agreed to take on the very special role of heading an accelerated training program for medical students who will likely be needed as attendings in the near future.
The whole cast of Grey’s Anatomy offered to help but were denied due to concern about them actually spreading more disease than treating it. A request was made for Dr. Emmett Brown to help, but it is unknown if or when he will be able to return from the future or past, whenever he is, due to flux capacitor issues.
A CDC official noted, “A group that we feel would be especially helpful are those in our cartoon community. As of now, there is no evidence of human-to-cartoon transmission of COVID-19. This is an untapped source of physicians that may actually be resistant to this disease. Additionally, we all know that cartoons can’t die, so that would be pretty helpful in this situation as well.”
One such physician, Dr. Dottie McStuffins, owns a private practice in New Jersey specializing in a wide range of toy-related pathology. She was honored to be asked and feels like her big book of boo boos will come in very handy in this situation. Others include Dr. Hartman from Quahog Rhode Island and Drs. Hibbert and Nick Riviera from Springfield, Somewhere.
This virus is causing strain on our system. With long hours and a lack of personal protective equipment, medical professionals across the country are feeling it. We hope this will help ease some of that burden says the CDC.
Another change likely to be implemented is an adjustment to the medical education hierarchy. Students who declare themselves as pre-med will now just be medical students. Medical students will now be residents, and all residents will automatically become attending physicians.
Officials are also calling on Hollywood to step it up in this time of crisis. “Please keep those doctor shows coming. The fate of not only America, but the world depends on it.”