CHICAGO, IL – According to a recent poll of nearly 20,000 health care professionals jointly conducted by the American Academy of Physician Assistants (AAPA), American Medical Association (AMA) and the American Nurses Association (ANA), 99.8% of health care professionals say their ability to wear scrubs, also known as work pajamas, is the one thing keeping them from quitting their professions entirely.

nursing diagnosis scrubs
Take away our scrubs and we’re quitting

“Am I surprised by the findings?  No,” said AAPA President Jeffrey Katz.  He is wearing matching light green scrubs.  “I mean, come on?  Forget patient care and making a difference.  What other professions allow you to dress like this?  For that reason alone, we are incredibly privileged.  In fact, it is amazeballs.”

“What was most surprising about this survey was that wearing scrubs wasn’t even one of the choices,” explained ANA President Pamela Cipriano, who is looking dapper in her dark blue scrubs today.  “Everyone wrote in ‘wearing scrubs‘ in the choice marked ‘Other.’  This is clearly very important to the survival of our work force.  Take away scrubs and you take away their reason for showing up everyday.”

“Taking care of patients has never been harder,” said AMA President Andrew Gurman, speaking with a somber tone to match his jet black scrubs.  “Patients are sicker than ever.  EHRs are the bane of every health care professional’s existence.  Doctors, nurses, ancillary staff seem perpetually short-staffed yet we keep hiring administrators.  The rates of burnout are higher and higher with each passing year.  Suicide rates are higher than any other profession.  There’s no art of medicine any more since patientsfamilies, administrators, and the Joint Commission just tell us what to do.  Other than call lights with lockout intervals, wearing comfortable scrubs to work is all that we’ve got.”

Experts also point out that scrubs are soft and soothing, allowing burned out staff to wipe away their tears repeatedly with minimal irritation to their eyes.

Cipriano, Gurman, and Katz went on to say that if scrubs were ever eliminated as attire, it is with “100% certainty” every person who wears scrubs in the health care setting would turn in their resignation letters.

Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.