Night Float Intern Boldly Chooses Non-Vanc/Zosyn Empiric Antibiotic Regimen
DALLAS, TX - Night calls can be a scary thing for new interns. Everything from blood pressures of 170/80 and sleeping pill requests in...
New Haldol Creamy Spread Added to Emergency Room Sandwiches
PROVIDENCE, RI - Health care providers are raving about a new haloperidol-based condiment that can be surreptitiously added to almost any hospital meal tray,...
Amateur Tightrope Walker Looks Forward to First Level I Trauma Visit
KANSAS CITY, MO - 28-year-old Taylor Jasper, a banker by trade who just came across tightroping just days ago, told those closest to him...
Fed Up ID Doctor Wishes Everyone Would F**king Defervesce Already
EL PASO, TX - "Fevers, fevers, everywhere I look, someone's got a f**king fever!!" Dr. Ryan Keeley was heard muttering down a hallway at...
Comey Opening Statement Lacks HPI, Family History, Review of Systems
WASHINGTON, D.C. - In news that can be mistaken for nothing less than a bombshell on Capitol Hill, former FBI Director James Comey released...
Hospital Issues Memorandum Regarding the Revised Policy for Procedure Revisions
To All Hospital Employees:
This memorandum is being issued as notification regarding the revised Policy for Procedure Revisions. The Policy for Procedure Revisions outlines the...
Intern Reads A Full UpToDate Article, Becomes Annoying Expert on the Subject
KEARNEY, NE - Dr. Lacy Rash, a transitional dermatology intern at Kind Humanitarian Hospital (KHH), behaved with a noticeable sense of entitlement and reverence...
IBM’s Watson Suffers Existential Crisis After Shift in ED
CAMDEN, NJ – IBM is reporting that famed super computer Watson suffered one of its biggest setbacks to date. “After our success in diagnosing...
PGY-1 Writes Admission Note That Does Not Contain a Single English Word
PGY1 IM H&P
HPI:
54M w/ MMP incl. COPD, HFrEF, stg. IV SSC (?1°, w/ mets to LLL c/b CAP x 3, mets to L-S c/b...
Hospitalist Has Turned On ‘Out of Office’ Reply Permanently
HARTFORD, CT - Dr. Paul Tanzwicki, a new hospitalist at Upper West Medical Center, was excited to turn his out of office reply on...