Sunday, May 31, 2020

Hematology-Oncology

blood

Orthopedic Surgeon Celebrates Transfusing Patient to 100% Hematocrit

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DENVER, CO - Ortho spine surgeon Brik Bowers recently set the all-time record by transfusing his post-op patient to a hematocrit of 100%.  Bowers was found at his victory party, galloping around the room,...

Oncologist Dr. Trump: Making Your Body Great Again

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NEW YORK, NY - Dr. Trump makes his rounds through the halls of NYU's hospital and you can overhear his barking: "Cisplatin you're FIRED, it's a non-Hodgkin's lymphoma, start R-CHOP." GomerBlog was lucky enough to...

American Red Cross Creates American Brown Cross for Fecal Transplant Donations

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WASHINGTON, DC - Despite increasing clinician awareness and education as well as instituting universal gloving procedures, hospital-associated Clostridium difficile infections have continued to be a major source of morbidity and mortality in the United...
cbc

CBC To Be Replaced By Cheaper Incomplete Blood Count

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NASHVILLE, TN - Looking to save a few dollars here and there in order to hire more hospital administrators, leadership at Nashville Medical Center (NMC) will replace the "overused and overpriced" complete blood count (CBC) with...
fall risk

Study: Anticoagulation Initiation Instantly Increases Your Fall Risk

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BOCA RATON, FL - Finally proving what most doctors already have suspected for decades, Dr. Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram presented his research data which demonstrated the direct causative link between initiating systemic anticoagulation and fall risk.  "My study...

Oncologist Baffled by Cryptic Writing on Chart: DNR/DNI

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NEAR SHORE MEDICAL CENTER, MANHASSET, NY - Dr. Kim Okemo was perplexed to find six cryptic letters on the chart of a 92-year-old patient.  "DNR/DNI?" uttered Dr. Okemo, who acquired over three-thousand acronyms in...

Doctor Vows to Not Sleep Until He Finds Cure for Cancer, Retracts That, Vows...

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OMAHA, NE – World famous oncologist Dr. Samuel Potter publicly vowed last week to "not sleep until I find the cure for cancer."  This big announcement followed the ceremony where his famous lab was awarded...

MEDCOMIC Cartoons: Hilarious Medical Learning (Volume 2)

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MEDCOMIC creator Jorge Muniz has created a funny and effective way to help study for that next test!  We posted a few of his many cartoons below, and if you like them, be sure...
chemist

Brilliant Chemist Gives up Dream of Curing Cancer, Focuses Efforts on Inducing 3 ½...

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CAMBRIDGE, MA - Citing practical reasons, 41-year-old renowned chemist and laboratory researcher Charles Kenzington, Ph.D. has formally ended his three-decade quest to discover a compound to destroy all malignant cells. The decorated scientist instead plans...
angry surgeon

New Study Characterizes Metastatic Potential of Malignant Attendings

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ROCHESTER, NY - Results of a new study have been released which describe for the first time the metastatic potential of malignant attendings.  “We’ve known for years that these malignancies were locally aggressive,” says lead...
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